I have rheumatoid arthritis, how I handle it is by keeping active and exercising and watching what I eat. We lived a very natural lifestyle and I tried to do what was best for our family. When he comes to visit the kids I either go downstairs to exercise or leave and go for a run. I was extremely fit and active before we had children but once we started our family I lost myself and didn’t have the time I once did. I have not begged him to come back nor will I. I don’t let him see me upset, I’ve started at a new church and attend bible study weekly and have gone out with friends every few weeks. I just feel like I’m faking it. I know I was just hurting myself but I was looking at social media multiple times a day, I think searching for something to make me feel better. The ow is so opposite me, the stuff she posts is very dark and hard. But I have not looked at any social media for the last 24hrs so it’s a start.
I am familiar with limerence, only because my counselor explained this is what’s acurring. The ow has been working on my h for quite some time. She told him they should run away together about a year ago. My h doesn’t have any friends even though I encouraged him to, so he would talk to the woman at work. He is easily manipulated. I’m shocked he would be interested in a woman like her. I should also say I have 3 young kids so I’m not able to be out and about much.
I have rheumatoid arthritis, how I handle it is by keeping active and exercising and watching what I eat. We lived a very natural lifestyle and I tried to do what was best for our family. When he comes to visit the kids I either go downstairs to exercise or leave and go for a run. I was extremely fit and active before we had children but once we started our family I lost myself and didn’t have the time I once did. I have not begged him to come back nor will I. I don’t let him see me upset, I’ve started at a new church and attend bible study weekly and have gone out with friends every few weeks. I just feel like I’m faking it. I know I was just hurting myself but I was looking at social media multiple times a day, I think searching for something to make me feel better. The ow is so opposite me, the stuff she posts is very dark and hard. But I have not looked at any social media for the last 24hrs so it’s a start.
That all sounds perfect other than the part about snooping on social media. Yes right now it feels like you're faking it but with time you will come to enjoy these activities. At first you have to force yourself to do it, but little by little you'll find yourself wanting to do them. Just stick with it! As for the snooping, we say don't snoop because you'll just turn up a lot of confusing info and it'll make your head spin. You won't know what to make of it so you'll create all kinds of disturbing theories.
Originally Posted by Sara79
I am familiar with limerence, only because my counselor explained this is what’s acurring. The ow has been working on my h for quite some time. She told him they should run away together about a year ago. My h doesn’t have any friends even though I encouraged him to, so he would talk to the woman at work. He is easily manipulated. I’m shocked he would be interested in a woman like her.
We have another saying here- "they almost always affair down". The affair partner is usually a step down from their current spouse in many ways. I think it's a situation where they are going after "low hanging fruit", if they affair down then they are likely to find someone who is willing to bend over backwards to devote a lot of time to them and make them feel special, something they feel they were missing in the M.
I feel like I need daily reassurance that we(meaning my babies and I) will get through this. And that something better is waiting. I'm relying on god to get us through and I know he will give me the strength I need. Its just hard.
I feel like I need daily reassurance that we(meaning my babies and I) will get through this. And that something better is waiting. I'm relying on god to get us through and I know he will give me the strength I need. Its just hard.
Well it's tough to go through, there's just no getting around it. But yes, you will get through it! It's like Cadet said in his response, just take it hour-by-hour, or if that's too much then minute-by-minute. Try not to worry about the future because your mind will never quit spinning. Just focus on the here and now.
you will not only get through this, you will be so much better for having done it. Make it as positive as you can and focus on your own growth, focus on your children's lives. You really have a lot to be happy about and live for!
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Does the mlc spouse usually realize what they have done? Or do they live happily ever after with the ow? And how can they live with themselves? H just left after coming to visit the children and he’s says how much me loves them, but how does he not see his actions show otherwise?
They know, everyone knows. They choose not to acknowledge it. He knows the proof sure isn't in this pudding, but wants to go play in the magical world where he escapes his fears and responsibilities.
Anyways, it's good to know how his mind operates, but you should also be thinking about yourself and your own journey.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Am I crazy that I still have a feeling that my H will realize what he has done and come back? Or am I just setting myself up for more pain? I do realize I can't wait for him and I need to find my own way and life without him, but there's something in my soul telling me its not done. I feel stupid for even thinking this after what he has done, and that hes with the ow right now.
