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A Message from Michele
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Re: Living in the Now [Re: kml] #2858052
07/22/19 01:43 PM
07/22/19 01:43 PM
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kml Offline OP
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Had a great time yesterday at an annual get-together with some old high school buddies. We've known each other for 50 years and still crack each other up. I was so very lucky to have such a nice group of friends in high school (nerds rule!) and blessed that we have managed to stay in touch all these years.

Re: Living in the Now [Re: kml] #2858317
07/23/19 01:59 PM
07/23/19 01:59 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,870
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline
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Massachusetts
Yay!


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
Re: Living in the Now [Re: kml] #2858331
07/23/19 02:55 PM
07/23/19 02:55 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
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kml Offline OP
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Most of the time I like being self employed. But right now I'm having trouble with an employee and I'm starting to realize she may have a personality disorder.
A second employee was out on disability leave for a serious health crisis and has just been back to work for two days. She has some very minor short term memory issues as a result of her treatment that is expected to gradually resolve and is not causing any real job performance issues.

Employee one is NOT the supervisor of employee two but has had a problem since we hired her with monitoring employee two's work, even when we've told her not to.

Yesterday we even had a staff meeting with our HR person just to try to smooth the reentry (we are a small office with three employees but the company that does our payroll also offers great HR support. ) Employee one was sullen and at the end employee two even asked her if she had something to say. Later, at the end of the day, employee two tells us that as employee one was leaving she told employee two that she "just might not come back" after her upcoming elbow surgery.

We've been trying for the better part of a year to get employee one to stay in her lane. But the stunning lack of empathy for employee two's return (could she not give her a week back before b!tching?) finally hit me and my partner last night. Added up to other bits and pieces of weirdness and we think she actually has a personality disorder. Ugh. That would explain why we've made no progress getting her to lighten up. And now makes me very concerned about keeping her on.

And since she's going out on leave for surgery soon (related to a previous work comp case from before she worked for us ) we can't fire her right now without it looking like retaliation for her taking medical leave.

Managing employees is my least favorite part of being self employed but at least I CAN fire her and am not stuck in a big organization where I might not be able to get rid of her.

Last edited by job; 07/23/19 09:34 PM. Reason: edited a word
Re: Living in the Now [Re: kml] #2858333
07/23/19 03:07 PM
07/23/19 03:07 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 26,486
Southern Maryland
job Offline

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kml,

At least with employee one going out for surgery, you and your staff will be able to see just how much the stress level goes down while she's out.

Employee one may have a personality disorder, but it could also be that she is resentful of others and feels that she's not being recognized for her work. I've seen a lot of this nonsense of thinking that they can be supervisors or as we say "lord over" other employees just because it makes them feel better. Upon employee one's return, someone will need to document her behavior and the first time she acts up, call her in and advise her that it is the only warning she's getting because the next time will be the walk to the door.

She sounds like a bully who needs to express her self at others. I'm sorry you are having to deal w/this. Let's home she opts to leave and not return.

Re: Living in the Now [Re: kml] #2858349
07/23/19 04:12 PM
07/23/19 04:12 PM
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kml Offline OP
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I think less of a bully and more of a personality disorder who thinks her way is tHE way things should go. There's been a disturbing disconnect between her nicey nicey behavior towards us and the things that have been said behind our backs. (For example, when first hired, our retiring person trained her. A couple of months after original employee left she called us to say employee one was calling her to b!tch about things in the office - all while saying nothing much to us. We should have fired her then I guess.)

Last edited by job; 07/23/19 09:35 PM. Reason: edited a word
Re: Living in the Now [Re: kml] #2858353
07/23/19 04:35 PM
07/23/19 04:35 PM
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Dawn70 Offline
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Originally Posted by kml
I think less of a bully and more of a personality disorder who thinks her way is tHE way things should go. There's been a disturbing disconnect between her nicey nicey behavior towards us and the things that have been said behind our backs. (For example, when first hired, our retiring person trained her. A couple of months after original employee left she called us to say employee one was calling her to b!tch about things in the office - all while saying nothing much to us. We should have fired her then I guess.)


You know, I'm no authority on the subject by any means, but around here, we don't call that a personality disorder, we just call it being a hateful, mean-spirited b!tch. I'm not saying it is not a personality disorder because I don't know, but if it is, I know a LOT of people with a personality disorder.

Last edited by job; 07/23/19 09:36 PM. Reason: edited a word

Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: Living in the Now [Re: kml] #2858357
07/23/19 04:51 PM
07/23/19 04:51 PM
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Posts: 14,943
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kml Offline OP
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It's the lack of insight into the inappropriateness of the behavior that feels like a personality disorder. And explains a lot about why, despite repeated conversations with her about it, she just can't seem to stay in her own lane. We are REALLY easygoing employers, give lots of positive feedback, pay competitive salaries, and this small office is a really nice place to work. Employee two is not the brightest employee even on a good day but she's good with patients, very loyal, and reliable. Employee one is still having her own performance issues on her job so needs to focus on those, not whether she thinks employee two is doing enough.

One thing we learned is that when employee one first came to work for us, apparently she told employee two that she left a previous job by "going out to lunch and never coming back." What adult does that? (She's in her 50's btw).

Re: Living in the Now [Re: kml] #2858358
07/23/19 05:10 PM
07/23/19 05:10 PM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,991
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TBSakaJ9 Offline
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The Dr. talks to me quite a bit about her staffing issues and her office only consists of 5 people. She also said that during all of her years of schooling, the one thing they didn't teach Dr's was the financial and HR aspects of running your own practice.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Living in the Now [Re: kml] #2858361
07/23/19 05:34 PM
07/23/19 05:34 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 14,943
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kml Offline OP
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Yes it's amazing that with only three employees, all women in their 50's, we still had so much f-ing drama over the years. And my partner and I are the least drama-filled people you would ever want to meet. Our employees have lasted a long time (last receptionist was with us for over ten years, MAs average a least 5 years) so we know we are good employers.

Re: Living in the Now [Re: kml] #2858506
07/24/19 04:31 PM
07/24/19 04:31 PM
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Posts: 14,943
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kml Offline OP
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