It was interesting because I do think he is honestly nervous about his wife. Not that he has any specific worries - just generally. Another friend who also has a very attractive wife is similarly on edge I'd noticed. Perhaps seeing me makes them know how frail things can be. And my ex-wife would maybe qualify as cute and certainly not in the attractiveness league of their's.
Remember that old song? "If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, better make an ugly woman your wife".... your
Btw I have a friend who wouldn't date guys who were too handsome or college professors because she assumed they would cheat. (College professors being surrounded by all those young coeds)
Btw I have a friend who wouldn't date guys who were too handsome or college professors because she assumed they would cheat. (College professors being surrounded by all those young coeds)
I sometimes think like that and it makes no sense. I tend to go for nerdier guys, thinking they will treat me better. But that has not been true. It’s like thinking an attractive person is not as smart. In fact you can make an argument that an unattractive person might be more prone to cheat if given the opportunity as they might be more susceptible to attention they didn’t receive. ( I have a female acquaintance that cheats and sleeps around and throws herself on men but it stems from her being bullied and not very attractive to guys when she was in high school)
It all depends on the person. I actually have a brother that is a very attractive and funny, charming professor (when we were younger girls always had crushes on him - him even my friends who were considerably older). He is really really really loyal to his wife.
I' ll add more.. and i might be wrong. I know you will tell me if i am. If he felt that your ex' s choice to leave was wrong, eventho he loves her with all his heart, he will always carry abit of resentment for that choice of hers.
He probably understand the why you want to date but he probably does not want to be too close. He might feel like he betrays you when he is with his mother and OM. He is probably comfortable with just her.
He probably will feel like he betrays his mom if he is with you and OW ( for him, this is who does people are). He is find with only you.
He sees the pain your ex and OM cause you and he knows this will cause pain to your ex. Even if all of you try to hide it.
It takes a very long time for OW or OM to be accepted. Sometimes, they are never accepted.
Also, family dynamic will change once again.
Like i said, i might be wrong.
exquisite - I think you are undoubtedly right. You've had a house-full of kids' worth of experience to guide you in these comments. I do have no idea what his opinion is of OM. I had been presuming that he's accepted his place in his mother's life and that he's fine with it. One big difference is that he only occasionally sees his mother / OM where this is home and it's essentially the same as what he grew up with. Same room. Same Dad. Same cats. We could perhaps imagine that the idea of me dating could be viewed by him as me being unfaithful as it is different. Certainly something to think about.
Originally Posted by kml
Remember that old song? "If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, better make an ugly woman your wife".... your
That made me smile. Unkind of me to say this but one of the things I felt to be true was that when OM got a chance to know the true woman that he had stolen away that he'd realize that he made a mistake and drop her Although having her hanging on as a girlfriend with no real claim on him is perhaps working out perfectly fine for him.
I'll have more info on what Brenda looks like Wednesday. I do recall her being a handsome woman from that very brief encounter all those months ago and the picture on her profile that I think is representative of what she currently looks like agree with that.
Regardless of the outside packaging though, we all go through times when we're tired, ill, first wake up when we don't look our best. And we'll change as we get older too. I recall being told by my then fiance to look at her mother as that would be what she would look like older. I was fine with that. Personally I think that I've aged reasonably well. I've noticed a few age spots on my face now and certainly a healthy crop of wrinkles.
My own opinion is that regardless of physical beauty that if someone is going to cheat, that they will find a way even if they have to pay for it. The more I read about it as well, I realize that infidelity isn't about the sex. It's about the power and the thrill of it. Your college professor example is very apt. Other "power" professions are from what I understand, rife with infidelity. Police, lawyers, and (sorry J9) doctors. exquisitetobe once suggested that those who travel a lot like the dairy delivery guy my ex ran off with and her own father and brother who worked in the railway also have wandering eyes and other parts.
---------------
Morning pot of tea is just about done. It's a holiday here today but I may put in a few hours of work later.
I texted Brenda this morning and wished her a smooth drive home and that there were only "two more sleeps" before Wednesday. She responded a bit later and let me know that she would text me when she got home safely. That's thoughtful of her.
Hmmm - just noticed that the pub is up for sale again. That may make S24 doubtful about moving out. It's uncertain on if it would sell or not at the price asked.
Well - shower time and then I think I'm going to go in to "town" and take a walk along the longer walking trail there. It is a lovely day here.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Hmmm - just noticed that the pub is up for sale again. That may make S24 doubtful about moving out. It's uncertain on if it would sell or not at the price asked.
Andrew,
You and S24 should buy the pub. It'll give him a job and you a creative outlet for your pies. Molson and a slice anyone?
Over dinner I did mention briefly that on Wednesday in addition to the piano tuner hopefully coming that I had a date in the evening - I got a very upset looking young man telling me very bluntly that he didn't want to hear about my love life. He has said that before but this was more vigorous than usual.
I've not counted but this has to be at least the third time you've brought this up to S24 and with the same results. Now he's making it bluntly clear - he doesn't want to hear it. So why do you keep bring it up? He's not your buddy or a coworker, he's your son! Most kids don't want to talk dating and romance with their parents! I know I don't. It's bad enough when parents pry into kids dating, it is simply unnatural in reverse.
So why do you keep doing it Andrew? Are you just so excited and need to talk to soneone about it? I could see that. Are you bragging? Less understandable. Are you hoping he will tell his mother so you can sort of start to even the score? I really have to consider this.
I guess the real question is, will you finally stop now? It's clear his responses are esclating. Next he may throw something at you. Lol. Seriously, it's clear he does not want to hear about any of this and at this point he should not have to. Why does he need to know? Now if you get to the point with someone where their paths may cross, she may come over to your house or to Sunday dinner, for sure THEN it needs to be brought up. Pre first date there is simply no reason - which returns me to the question, and I'm honestly curious, why did you bring it up yet again yesterday? And does his response really surprise you?
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Don - You're over-reacting and digging for dirt that's not there. I had only mentioned in passing that I was going to be out on a date on Wednesday. I don't go in to details. Standard courtesy is to tell other family members if you are going to be out unexpectedly.
doodler - There is no way that I'd want to be an inn-keeper / hotelier. S24 did have an interest when he was younger but that stopped a long time ago. The close to million dollars that they're asking for is rather an impediment although it's a decent price for a renovated heritage building and business.
Speaking of pie - I went for a nice walk and stopped for pie and coffee at the place where the coffee date is planned for. It was nice pie and the restaurant which I haven't been in for some time is more or less as I remember it.
I think that S24 is just naturally p!ssy these days - I have a house full of 20 somethings at the moment going through 20S's stuff. S24 is being very blunt and aggressive about tossing stuff where 20S would like to go through it more carefully. There's another couple of people there helping as well. Hopefully it's going to go smoothly. I've made myself a pot of tea and am hiding out in the office. I just heard some laughter so undoubtedly it all is fine. I'm only expecting a rather small result from today's efforts.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
doodler - There is no way that I'd want to be an inn-keeper / hotelier. S24 did have an interest when he was younger but that stopped a long time ago. The close to million dollars that they're asking for is rather an impediment although it's a decent price for a renovated heritage building and business.
Andrew,
Yep, restaurants are notorious for thin profit margins and high failure rates. Maybe you should consider Andrew & Son Discount Storage. All you have to do is invoice your current customer.
Although having her hanging on as a girlfriend with no real claim on him is perhaps working out perfectly fine for him.