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A Message from Michele
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Re: Still wondering what comes next [Re: DonH] #2836040
02/06/19 02:20 PM
02/06/19 02:20 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,045
NY
Cadet Offline

Member
Cadet  Offline

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,045
NY
Low T is not just about sexual desire.

As kml originally stated it is motivation and drive hormone too.

In general,
Men have less of that as they age and women as they age have more because their ratio of testosterone to estrogen is also higher, because in women their estrogen levels decrease.


Me-65, D33,S32
Re: Still wondering what comes next [Re: DonH] #2837399
02/14/19 08:10 PM
02/14/19 08:10 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,629
Midwest
D
DonH Offline OP
Member
DonH  Offline OP
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D
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,629
Midwest
I want to do an update... but I'm still so all over the map... I guess I can give everyone else a look into my disjointed life. LOL.

Had a real fun weekend - well at least in most part. Good band gigs, especially Saturday night. Lots of people I knew came to see us including my youngest niece. Also there was someone I've been flirting with over the past couple years. It's been pretty tame as she is, well was, married. She's even younger than wild girl - WTF - just turned 40. Again lives a state or two away but her mom and sister live here and now that she's getting D'd she's been around more. I'm again pushing myself as she's not totally my type - well not my type in many ways but still is educated, nice enough. Again her mom loves me. What is it with the mom's think I'm a great guy/great catch, the daughters not so much or not sure. Will see if that goes anywhere but someone to have fun with is really about it. I mean 15 years younger - enough with this already.

I told Ginger this offline and she totally understands. I'm pretty much over it now but got some, let's say difficult comments from the other guys in the band. These are the guys who went on the cruise with me. I've known one of them since we were 15 and 17 so yeah 40 years now. Anyhow, Wild Girl came up in conversation including comments that evidently I was a lot more fun to be around and they attributed it to her. "And you let her get away" soon followed from the 40 year friend. Ugggg, um no, that's not really the story. But talk about a rock and a hard place. Am I supposed to bad mouth her, tell them how broken she is and why I didn't want more?" All they know and see is this very fun, very outgoing girl they had a great time with and who they think makes me more fun and would be great for me - and they wonder what's wrong with Don that he let her get away. There is so much more to that story as you all know, yet it really made me feel bad. Was not a nice thing to say either.

Saw one of my "cruise candidates" again yesterday. I nearly stopped to get a single flower or candy or something just to be nice but didn't. Clearly should have as several other clients (she cuts my hair) did and she seemed to love it. She is very single. I don't think she's dated much if at all since I met her three or four years ago. I think she'd go out with me. I know she would have gone on the cruise with me had I asked. Yet, I can't push myself to do it. Then some guy will find her and I will wish that I had. Yet, I can't pull the trigger and I'm not even sure why. With Wild Girl I didn't even hesitate - well it did take over a year but then I didn't hesitate. Maybe it will be the case with this one. I guess I need a name for her. - although if nothing happens... no name needed. LOL

Will I ever figure this all out or is my life just going to keep going on like this forever. I almost wish I was unhappy as then I'd perhaps do something about it. But I'm not. I really like most of my life. So why change what I'm happy with. Yes, I could be even happier - or perhaps I could be much sadder. I've clearly seen both sides in the last 8 months. I just can't make myself have "those" feelings - yet they might grow if I allowed them to.

Slower weekend coming up here. I reached out to some of my friends but half are doing things for VT day while the other half want to stay out of the frey - especially the females - and were not thrilled about meeting up with me on VT weekend. So going to visit with my parents tomorrow for dinner. I don't think I've been to dinner with them this year yet so it's probably a good thing to do. Might meet someone for a drink on Saturday, although not sure yet. Sunday I'm in Chicago.

Things are slow now although the travel plans keep adding up. I of course had the cruise - somewhat a month ago today was the start of that. Go to Europe in mid-April. Nashville just got added to the schedule for Memorial Day weekend - and I love that town and know so many there. Playing for a wedding - not to name drop but it will be held at a time jumper country star's farm. (yes there is a hint in there) and then doing a public bar/restaurant type place for two nights. Blocking out some days in late October or early November to hit Orlando. I've not been there for so many years and even still have three days of unexpired passes. Looking for someone fun to go with me - perhaps the 40 yr/o nearly D'd. Will see. And some band road trips mixed in as well although these destinations are not of the same caliber. OH and my oldest niece (now all of 23) is getting married in May. No I am NOT taking a date to the wedding. But the GAL is still in gear. Could increase it for sure but it's still chugging along.

Enough, I need to stop typing as I'm starting to ramble now. At least there's an update. Oh and those really paying attention, I still have Wild Girls clothes here. She's off in NYC with her D17 and today happens to be her B-Day - so for at least a little while I'm only 12 years older. LMAO. I've had a little bit of contact but not much - which is totally fine with me. The plan is to get together after NYC so she can tell me all about it. I'd be shocked if we did anymore than that - and I'm very fine with that.

And that's my life as of this Thursday afternoon. Happy Valentines Day?!?!?!?!?


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: Still wondering what comes next [Re: DonH] #2837457
02/15/19 04:07 AM
02/15/19 04:07 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,131
K
kml Offline
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kml  Offline
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K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,131
Happy Valentines Day Don - or, as some call it, Happy Singles Awareness Day.

Frankly, more often than not, it's been a shi!!y holiday for me. My ex, while he could be romantic at other times, seldom put himself out for Valentines Day - I recognize now that it was a sign of his ambivalence about the marriage.

CMM has ruined our evening tonight by griping to me tonight when I got home about my Aspergers son not leaving the kitchen clean enough. (Seriously, it was pretty clean, just clean dishes in the drainer and a couple clean pot lids not put away. ) if CMM dies on me, my next date will not be anybody suspiciously tidy.

Honestly, the only memorable Valentines Day I can remember is when crazy exBF snuck into my bedroom while I was asleep and filled it with Mylar balloons. Of course, nowcwe know he had a side piece during all that time.

I'm low maintenance - some modest flowers, a box of chocolates, a bubble bath - I'm pretty low maintenance. But I think I need to just reduce my expectations to zero, and maybe plan some mysterious "conference" that always falls on Valentine's Day that takes me out of town.

Don, definitely don't take a date to the wedding - weddings are good places to meet women, didn't you see Yhe Wedding Crashers?

Re: Still wondering what comes next [Re: DonH] #2837460
02/15/19 04:34 AM
02/15/19 04:34 AM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,244
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DejaVu6 Offline
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DejaVu6  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,244
Sorry CMM ruined your evening KML. Clearly he has not yet learned not to sweat the small stuff. I find that I have grown considerably in that area since BD. Some things that seemed important before just arenít anymore. Iíve never had anyone do anything really great for Valentineís Day either which kinda s#cks Ďcause my birthday is the day after so that is usually anticlimactic as well. I usually get the Valentineís/birthday combo gift. I learned long ago to have zero expectations so Iíve never been that disappointed. I did make a big deal of it twice in my life. The first time, I sent my high school/university boyfriend (together 6 years) on a scavenger hunt all over the city. Each place he went had a present for him and another clue. The last stop was a luxury hotel where we spent the night. That was super fun for me to plan and set up. The second time was when I took my boyfriend (my current H) to Vegas to see his favourite band. Other than those two instances, Iíve rarely made a deal of it. Generally a card and chocolates or something like that. The guys in my life that I have relationships with tend to be the types who feel somehow annoyed at having a prescribed day to be romantic. Maybe I have a type...lol.

My Valentineís Day consisted of chocolates for my kids and lots of hugs. My son says he will always be my valentine. Love them both so much!!


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Still wondering what comes next [Re: DonH] #2837468
02/15/19 05:46 AM
02/15/19 05:46 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,131
K
kml Offline
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kml  Offline
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K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,131
Drowning my sorrows in chocolates as we speak - perhaps that's the reason for chocolates on this holiday, for comfort when it all goes awry.

I think I've decided just now- I'm not doing Valentines Day ever again. I feel like Charlie Brown in the Peanuts strip when Lucy pulls the football away. I thought my expectations were set low enough that they could be met, but honestly, they never have. I've put myself out, cooked romantic dinners, hidden dozens or construction paper hearts in my exH's car, bought sexy lingerie - yet really can't remember one Valentine's Day where I really felt loved and appreciated (except for Crazy exBF, and that's ruined by the knowledge now that he was a two-timing liar. )

So starting next year, regardless of whether I have a boyfriend or not, I'm going to start a new tradition. Not sure what it will be, but it will involve self-indulgence and NO MEN.

Re: Still wondering what comes next [Re: DonH] #2837469
02/15/19 06:00 AM
02/15/19 06:00 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,131
K
kml Offline
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kml  Offline
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K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,131
And btw DejaVu - what you did for your college boyfriend was awesome. smile

Re: Still wondering what comes next [Re: DonH] #2837478
02/15/19 11:53 AM
02/15/19 11:53 AM
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,746
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JujuB Offline
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JujuB  Offline
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My son took some of those heart godiva chocolates I bought from costco, and wrapped them up in green consructuon paper (green is my favorite color) and hid them on my pillow and wrote "i love you mommy". I think that was the most thoughtful and considerate of my likes sort of gift.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Re: Still wondering what comes next [Re: DonH] #2837517
02/15/19 03:27 PM
02/15/19 03:27 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,806
Canada
A
AndrewP Offline
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AndrewP  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,806
Canada
(((kml))) - Sorry for the late hug - when I read your post I wanted to send one to you. I expect you can use it right now.

I'm going to ask you a difficult question and you don't need to answer it or even think about it for a while.

Is CMM healthy for you? Most of us that are here, especially the ones who have hung around I think tend to be the more compassionate and giving sorts. You certainly are.

I completely understand that he's going through a very difficult time and that can create excuses for not being as sensitive, caring and supportive as perhaps you would want him to be. Many of us do get wrapped up about potential and sunk costs and a desire to care about and support someone.

I could go in to more probing, but I think it does boil down to - is he healthy for you? Now and in the future. You've known him long enough to get a good idea of who the real person is behind that mustache.

((((kml))))


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Still wondering what comes next [Re: DonH] #2837536
02/15/19 04:43 PM
02/15/19 04:43 PM
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 167
Texas
R
rexgm Offline
Member
rexgm  Offline
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R
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 167
Texas
Originally Posted by DonH


Actually, first, let's start back at my deal breakers.

We are both stubborn she claimed. I had a very popular post on FB that all of my friends liked and commented on - not WG. Then last week she brags about the post and how good it was. Oh, so you did see it. Why not like it. Again, she had no answer.

I don't want to give you my conclusion but what else is there? She lost interest.
I brought up her comment the day after I asked her to go on the cruise of "What happens if we meet someone else?"

In the end, I don't think she can even be honest about this.

So it would be nice to learn from my "mistakes" or for the future but really all I'd be learning is how to deal with a personality I don't want to be with in the long term anyhow.

It's time to move on and I most certainly will. And to think, Wild Girl was still one of the best if not the best choice available to me.


If you let their action slide when they break them then they are not deal breakers.


Originally Posted by DonH


We are both stubborn she claimed. I had a very popular post on FB that all of my friends liked and commented on - not WG. Then last week she brags about the post and how good it was. Oh, so you did see it. Why not like it. Again, she had no answer.



Why would you ask her this? This to me is starting drama. maybe because of low T, but this is definately not the way a man focused on his goals would act, unless his focus was the lady.

Originally Posted by DonH


I don't want to give you my conclusion but what else is there? She lost interest.
I brought up her comment the day after I asked her to go on the cruise of "What happens if we meet someone else?"



Ofcourse she lost interest. Also why would you bring up this comment? It seems like you are trying to create some drama with someone who is used to it. You are getting dragged into her world instead of you pulling her into yours.

Originally Posted by DonH


In the end, I don't think she can even be honest about this.

So it would be nice to learn from my "mistakes" or for the future but really all I'd be learning is how to deal with a personality I don't want to be with in the long term anyhow.


once again a deal breaker and you should of moved on. There are things to learn, and one is finding out sooner she is not your long term personality type. Also learn what things you could of done better.

Originally Posted by DonH


It's time to move on and I most certainly will. And to think, Wild Girl was still one of the best if not the best choice available to me.


Why do you think she was the best choice for you?

Originally Posted by DonH
The plan is to get together after NYC so she can tell me all about it. I'd be shocked if we did anymore than that - and I'm very fine with that.


why get together with her?

Originally Posted by DonH
Blocking out some days in late October or early November to hit Orlando. I've not been there for so many years and even still have three days of unexpired passes. Looking for someone fun to go with me - perhaps the 40 yr/o nearly D'd. Will see.


why bring sand to the beach? its a vacation, lots of touristy areas where singles look to meet eachother.


M:43 W:33
M:10 T:11
D:6
BD 8/12/17
Divorce Final 1/23/2019
Re: Still wondering what comes next [Re: DonH] #2837541
02/15/19 05:09 PM
02/15/19 05:09 PM
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 167
Texas
R
rexgm Offline
Member
rexgm  Offline
Member
R
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 167
Texas
Originally Posted by DonH
What is it with the mom's think I'm a great guy/great catch, the daughters not so much or not sure.


I believe this is because the moms look at who would make a good provider for their daughter. They are not usually looking at the sexual part of the relationship.


M:43 W:33
M:10 T:11
D:6
BD 8/12/17
Divorce Final 1/23/2019
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Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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