waw maybe #5

[bhappy2]

Starting new thread

[bhappy2]

Link to old thread:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2802186&page=1

[bhappy2]

I have decided to remain friends on SM with W's family as I really dont want to be vindictive.

So much going on I have several parties this weekend, I have seriously cut down on my alcohol consumption bc it was cutting into my working out.

I recruited 5 friends to run/walk 2019 miles for the year. I have commited to running 1000 of those miles. We will excede 2019 bc even though one of the guys is not a runner he loves the idea and has started walking every day. I have been friends with him for 46 years... ever since kindergarten. Another friend is a runner but has not trained in a few years so he was all excited to get strted again, he even signed up for a 5K in May.

Two girls who we are friends with started walking and said they will contribute 250 miles each... they said they just needed the motivation. Good stuff going on....

Sunday is a 75th bithday party for my dad, should be great.

I believe NC is the best thing possible, I for one have become so much more clearer with each passing day.

[bhappy2]

Eyes wide open now.

Living the best life possible and i should probably reel it in a bit.

Running on average 20 miles a week and I now incorporated some light weights. I actually dont like doing the weights but S22 has me convinced its for the better.

I had a scheduled court date for Feb. 15th that has now been pushed back to March 1st for some reason. L called to say there was a change. She wants me to meet before we go in so we can go over some of the things I need. I have told her that I do not want to buy W out of the house and she can keep the dog. W now owes me for 6 months child support and she is refusing to pay.

S23 and S22 have asked how long before they have to move and I told the both to start looking now as i want this to proceed rather quickly at this point. I have a place for me to live rent free for as long as I need. I also have a room for D20 when she comes home from college, she has stated to me that she really doesnt want to sleep at MIL house.

GAL is going fantastic! Parties to book clubs to running... and just plain old sitting and watching some TV. I no longer yearn for R with W as I really dont think I can take her back... I am actually disgusted by the way she behaved. After talking with IC, IC thinks W is Narcissist... I have had my feeling about this and it really does point that way. As a matter of fact all her siblings are the same way. Its ok, its time to move on.

I will update more often as I have some free time.

PS the house I am moving into has a piano and the house is empty all day for me to practice... I really am looking forward to this.

[AnotherStander]

Sounds like you are doing great! Nice job with the GAL and positive attitude

[ovrrnbw]

After talking with IC, IC thinks W is Narcissist...

And when the W goes to a counselor they tell her the same stuff.

[bhappy2]

After talking with IC, IC thinks W is Narcissist...

And when the W goes to a counselor they tell her the same stuff.

Yes except there is no way she will go, she doesnt need any help...lol

[bhappy2]

Journaling:

Reading all these sitches, wow, this is really a crazy world. Dicarding people at the drop of a dime seems to be the norm. If you are newly BD'ed have no fear there is peace coming your way. How do I know bc I was you, couldnt believe what W had done, 3 months, 6 months, 12 months... freedom at last ... you will break free. I now have to take her to court to get D'ed and its a D that I want... I also will fight for everything I am entitled to. I will not be vindictive but I will not cave in and think that if i do she will see how nice I am and want to R. NO WAY, at this point she did me a favor.

Since BD I have made over 100 new friends... thats right 100... dont believe me, well then go join a social club and watch what happens. Activities, friendship, and no judgements!

Got a text about a week ago that the club needed a few more pints of blood to reach their goal. I went down and donated. It felt great helping someone who may need it. While I was sitting there I thought about if it was a child that was fighting cancer or maybe someone who needed a organ transplant. Either way it made me feel good that I could help.

Its Friday here and tonight is a big party celebrating Valentines Day. Really looking forward to this, prizes, drinks, and food. Good times.

I just cleaned two bathrooms and the kitchen and the house smells great. Once a gain getting things done is 180 for me and now is the norm. If I need to do something I do it no waiting.

Running is going great and I am once again dropping weight. The sauna after my runs is really cool.

Great site, Great advice, wish I followed it sooner.

[DejaVu6]

Wow Happy... Inspirational!! Thank you for posting such a positive update. 100 new friends is fantastic. What kind of social club did you join? I’ve made a few new friends. Most of my friends are married however so I feel like a third wheel much of the time which is kind of a drag. Hope you have a GREAT time at your party!!

[bhappy2]

Wow Happy... Inspirational!! Thank you for posting such a positive update. 100 new friends is fantastic. What kind of social club did you join? I’ve made a few new friends. Most of my friends are married however so I feel like a third wheel much of the time which is kind of a drag. Hope you have a GREAT time at your party!!

I joined an Elks Club. Very charitable organization. I wish I joined sooner. Thank you DejaVU, I will read your sitch..

[bhappy2]

Updating:

First court hearing was yesterday and it went very well for me, the judge admonished my W and her L for not meeting with us before coming to court. He said that we should not be in court at this time as we should have negotiated before we got there, we have five seperate correspondences asking to meet including our trip to their office where they then called it off.

The judge ruled there will be no Alimony/Maintenance in this case and was baffled that W's L didnt fully explain to her why. There were some brief discussions with the L's and the only thing left is the house needs to be appraised and if I can afford it I will buy her out. W was quite upset the entire time face was swollen teary eyed. I made no eye contact and no attempt to speak with her. She came over to me to hand me a document for tax purposes,she said do you and the kids need this I said no. She has it in front of my face and says are you going to take it I say no. She says just take it, as I go to take it she pulls it away like a child and walks away. Like water off a ducks back, I do not have a care in the world!


I guess when you think the judge is going to rule that you get $1800 a month and find out you get 0 you may get a little upset. Oh well, my journey has started and it doesnt include W.

Judge also ruled W owes for back child support and must start paying immediately. More tears, more not understanding... sorry, did you know that D has consequences...

I left the court house feeling incredible, almost vindicated that there is justice in the world.

I will update GAL activities prob tomorrow, as I am off to a UFC party.

To any newbie on here reading this... especially men... you kick your cheating spouse straight to the curb, lovingly of course lol

[bhappy2]

Hello all, its been a while since i have updated thought I would share...

I have been reading all the new threads and sorry to see the same old script.

My GAL has been incredible, roller blading, running, social club, darts... etc. etc. New people in my life and re-establish old frienships that seemingly were lost while I was married. I am closer to my children then I have ever been, and we are actually acting like a family. Helping each other and they are now respecting my boundries, there was a time when W would bad mouth me to the children and over the years it kind of wore them out. They only now can see through her BS. I have not spoken one bad word about their mother to them or anyone else... I am so thankful for this site. Keeping ones mouth shut is the first thing all of us should do.

Court was on Monday as W is fighting for alimony that was already ruled on that there is none. She attempted to fight it and was struck down again. Now before I get into the court case there has been some interesting acts from her...

Right before the lawyers were to meet with the judge my Lawyer comes to me and says, Your W wants me to pass a message along that she doesnt like the fact that you both dont talk anymore and she was hoping you could start communicating again. L then says this is a first for me as she has never been asked by the opposing council and client to do this. I said Ok I have a response you can take back to her: W you are the most meaningless person on this earth to me!!!! My L starts laughing and says you are an ahole... She says I will not go back with that... I said ok then go back with nothing.

I have now scheduled an appraisal for the house and may buy her out bc there will be no alimony. My parents have offered to help with this. I will wait to see all the numbers to see if its worth it, my children of course are pushing for me to buy the house and even offered to pay me rent.

My two sons do not have any relationship with their mother and did not acknowledge mother day. I was not happy about this but I did just mind my own business. Its their choice, they are a bit angry with her.

Oh well, just got done cooking dinner.... will update again soon...btw BD was nearly two years ago and i am still married.... unreal!

[neffer]

It´s been really a long long journey BH. Glad to see you´ve moved on.

My best wishes for you and your kids!

[mtb1981]

Good to hear! I haven't been around for awhile. Glad to hear things are working out for you. My sitch has started to turn around too. It's amazing how much clearer you see things and how much happier you can be once you get through the nonsense and really commit to BD'ing. Keep enjoying life!...

[Maika]

Great to hear an update BH! sounds like you're doing more than fine and loving life. Ain't that the secret sauce

[bhappy2]

It´s been really a long long journey BH. Glad to see you´ve moved on.

My best wishes for you and your kids!

Thank you Neffer, it was hard work to finally understand. I wouldnt change a thing right now.. eyes are wide open.

[bhappy2]

Good to hear! I haven't been around for awhile. Glad to hear things are working out for you. My sitch has started to turn around too. It's amazing how much clearer you see things and how much happier you can be once you get through the nonsense and really commit to BD'ing. Keep enjoying life!...

Thank you MTB, Getting through the nonsense is the hard part bc everyone (including me) thinks our sitch's are unique. They are not, the script is so close you would think they buy it from a store.

[bhappy2]

Great to hear an update BH! sounds like you're doing more than fine and loving life. Ain't that the secret sauce

Thank you Maika, two years later and I am still on paper married. I needed to make some changes and did, things are really going well for me, I am blessed in life.

[bhappy2]

Hello all, could use some advice on how to proceed.

Had meeting with W and two L's on Monday to discuss buyout options. It didnt go well as there is pretty much no way I could buy her out. The housing market is just crazy where I live. Anyway I have been given plenty of time to make my decision, so I am sitting the children down tomorrow and tell them that they will need to find apartments and S22 has indicated that he wants to take the dog.

Now here is the perplexing part, as we are dicussing the buyout W's attorney says to me that she would like for W and I to start to communicate again and W doesnt like the fact that we dont talk. Once again i am just dumbfounded, I am thinking really, its only been two years, she could text me if she wants. So my response was... there is nothing to talk about we are here and we are almost done and when its done we dont need to talk ever again. She and my attorney then both say you guys should start to be friendly and its starts with talking... you both have kids together and your W is not happy about there not being communication. I stop everything and say that you are my L and not a therapist we are way past communicating. I am done now lets get back to negotiating the buyout.

I just cant anymore the stress this woman has put our family through and to use the L's to still try and upset me is quite ridiculous.

Any have any thoughts on how to proceed?

Oh yea after their first proposal I said absolutley not and they dropped the propsal by 20K. I still cant afford the house but still just more craziness!

[LH19]

BH,

I agree with your lawyers that you guys have kids and need to communicate regarding the kids only. I guess I’m a little confused. You seem to be enjoying your new life right now, why do you refuse to communicate? You need to show maturity and set a good example for your children.

[SoTorn]

I agree 100% on the zero communication. I just moved out. My EXWW (D went through in less than 2 months) wanted to come by. I told her no. Why would I want her in my house?

I have zero to say to my EXWW. Her choice was keep me as her H or nothing and she elected the nothing option, so I have moved on and I will respect that. I now have my own home, still have my Shelby GT350, my kids are with me half the time and this first two weeks I have taken time off of work to focus on myself and my kids.

My gorgeous girlfriend will be here tomorrow to spend a week with me. Life is good. Life is beautiful. Looking forward to getting fully into the swing of GAL on my own.

There will be no communication with my EXWW because there is no reason, my kids are old enough that I can speak directly with them and D16 can drive her and S12 back and forth between houses.

[bhappy2]

She has not talked to me in two years, I dont know what there is to talk about. My youngest child is 20, not sure what there is to discuss. She doesnt even talk to the kids anymore. The reason is, is that I dont need to talk to her at all. This is now the second time she has tried to use the L's to do this, I am not interested at all...

I sent a text about six months ago about D20 going back to college, I got no response.

[bhappy2]

I agree 100% on the zero communication. I just moved out. My EXWW (D went through in less than 2 months) wanted to come by. I told her no. Why would I want her in my house?

I am going on two years, if I didnt file a court date this would still be going on. I agree, I want nothing to do with her.

[bhappy2]

Updating:

Just had the conversation with the children about finding apartments and its time to start looking. They were not happy. They asked if they could pay me rent and continue to live here, I said I dont think thats possible bc the money I have to pay W is much higher than I could afford. They then said they would help with buying her out and i said no thats not how this works. S23 then said this isnt right, he said that he has not talked to his mom since Christmas and that she will not answer his texts. He then says she doesnt care about him and at this point he'll show her what not caring is!... he is very angry with her and so is S22. I didnt know it was this extreme. He said that him and his siblings are really mad at the whole situation and the amount of damage W has caused. I just validated him, I did not talk bad about his mom at all.

I started cleaning out the house and getting rid of stuff that I was never going to use anyway. I am really starting to see a much better life.

I have been talking with a woman for about six months gone on a few lunch dates and had a few drinks with her and we really hit it off. I fully explained that I am going to go slow with this relationship and she was fine with that. I am meetng her tonight for some drinks. She is 10 years younger than me.

Getting ready to go for a run, coffee, beet juice.... sometimes and Advil...LOL...

I have hired a part time employee so I have some extra time off from work, this has been just great as I have been able to cook some great meals and get stuff done around the house.

Summer is here and I am going to enjoy a summer for the first time in many years!!! Ok gotta go GAL calls..

[bhappy2]

Journaling:

What a great Fathers Day! The best I have had in years.

It all started on Saturday as we set up for having a party for my family for fathers day. I bought way too much food, but it was really a lot of fun. Wings, Shrimp, and hero's! Beer and wine... you get the idea. The best part was there was not one question about my sitch at all. Its just a distant memory at this point, but that doesnt mean W didnt try and get me to try and contact her. A quick explanation: W stole a ring that I had from 1987 that was valued at about $500.00 I had gone through the L's to get it back and i was close to filing a police report. Long story short she returned it on Saturday with a message that we dont have to go through the L's for everything. I did not send a message back.

Sunday morning started out with a 5K at 9:30am. We have done this before and only S22 didnt run. We did great and I have the championship for the next year, I came in last, last year so with all the running I did over the last year I the blew them away, next closest to me was D24 and she was over 5 minutes behind. S23 ran but went out Sat. night so he was a little under the weather.

The party started at 2pm and went until about 7pm... great time. The best part was the text messages I recieved this morning about how much everyone had a good time and I really set everything up so nice. it was a lot of work but well worth it.

Monday morning, cleanup is complete, getting ready for a run then relax before work.

Listen to the vets on this site, get a coach, follow through with this, you got this!

[neffer]

Great post BH, enjoy your GAL!

[AnotherStander]

Great update BH!

Long story short she returned it on Saturday with a message that we dont have to go through the L's for everything.

Right, and she didn't have to STEAL YOUR RING IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!! Good grief! She steals something and expects, what, that you're going to say "hey can you give me back that ring that you stole from me?" Like you would have ever seen that again!

[Destroyd]

bhappy, I am so glad that you had a good Father's Day. You deserved it!

[bhappy2]

Advice needed:

So we are at the point of negotiating our D and for the third time I have been asked to reach out to W by both L's to start communicating. W has stated through her attorney that she doesnt like that we dont talk and would like to start communicating again. This happened at the courthouse about a month and a half ago then on June 3rd and now again yesterday. I have decided that its just not possible for me to buy her out and I want to sell the house. She has come back with delay tactics everytime. It takes 2-3 weeks to get a response from her and her L.

We have court tomorrow and my L said that she still wants you to reach out to her. I just dont know if I can/or want to do that.

Please Vets should i text her? What is there to talk about? Pretty much the tough decisions have been made. Tomorrow the judge is going to order that we put the house up for sale, this is why we are going.

Just to clarify my frustration, in every correspodance with W's L I have cleary stated that I do not want the dog. In every single correspondance back I get: You can keep the dog, its like they are not even reading what I am telling them. My L finally called the opposing side to clarify this. Its really just so hard to understand. W keeps saying through her L that the dog can stay with the house.... ugh.... so tiresome. The house has to be sold... what doesnt she understand.

I realize that WAW/WW dont think straight, but we are at the point where she needs to make some decisions.

BTW it is me pushing for these court dates because she wont respond, I really just want to put this whole transaction behind me.

[Davide]

What is there to communicate about? You say that the judge is going to order the house to be sold tomorrow. Your wife doesn't seem to want the dog so it's up to you to decide what to do (keep it, find a home, find a rescue, or take it to a shelter.) Done and done.

I get the urge to rush through this, but you can't necessarily control the timeline, so just take it as it comes. It will be all over soon enough.

[bhappy2]

Davide, I see your D was over in 2 months, thats what i want... mine has been going on for two years. This process is really worse than the actual D.

[bhappy2]

Updating:

After I posted earlier I recieved a call from my L asking me did I reach out to my W? I said no I have not, her exact words were "Get off the phone with me and call her" " You have to bite the bullet here and take your chances"... ok so after some talking with L I called (no texting) she didnt answer. I left a message, about 10 minutes later she calls back... She says Hey... I Hey how are you... very pleasant very friendly... I would swear she was like the old W I used to have... we start talking about the L's and how can we come to a better arrangement for our children. I said well you are demanding 30K up front I just cant come up with that money, she says I dont want that money up front. and so its goes like this...

She says:

I just want whats best for he kids...

I just want the dog to have a place to live...

I dont hate you at all....

I moved out to help my mom...

A few times she starts get emotional but I stayed on track... I dont think she wants back in the marraige but something is different.

I asked if she could please help with the dog and she said yes, I then said you are welcome here anytime you want to visit the kids and dog. She gets a little emotional on the phone. chokes up... The conversation lasted 30 minutes bc her lunch break was up, she said I will see you tomorrow, I said ok lets see if we can come up with a better option then just selling the house she said ok... we shall see what happens tomorrow...

This is the first convo I have had with her in 10 months!

[LB55]

That is a positive interaction. Word of caution to not get hopes up for anything. Keeping it real brother.

Study up on your validation. You’re gonna need it. Conversations in person are more difficult. Don’t be afraid to ask for a break if you need it.

Kind of sounds like she is a bit unsure right now. Validate(stupid autocorrect changed it to alienate!!) her feelings if she talks about things. Just listen. It goes a long ways towards making her feel safe. I haven’t read your whole sitch and I don’t know your goals. Listen and validate. Having her L tell yours to have you call her is a bit strange I guess but maybe she is telling herL that she is having second thoughts and doesn’t want to proceed at the moment.

I havent spoken with my L in 2 months. My W is gonna have to push this through on her own if that’s really what she wants. She isnt doing anything at the moment. We have had a couple conversations and the listening and validation really helped quell the anger and let her open up just a bit.

[bhappy2]

Thank you LB55... tomorrow will be strange.... we'll see.

[TBSakaJ9]

BH - My 10 cents......I would just listen, validate and hear her out. I think its perfectly fine for you to take some time to process things if she brings up R conversation. I also think you will know pretty quickly what direction the conversation is going to go. I would also make sure you don't project any anger or attitude so she feels comfortable opening up.

Good luck!

[neffer]

Good luck BH. No expectations, listen and validate, as LH and J9 say. And STFU the most you can.

There´s a validation sheet:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457566#Post2457566

Relax, you are in control of yourself. And you know how to DB

[bhappy2]

Updating:

Just got back from court, W was very friendly very nice, asking me all kinds of questions about how my family is... etc.etc. She asked me if i worked last night I said no, she said oh good so your not tired. She then told me she is going to lunch with D20, I said great. Again the convo was light and I validated her throughout... no pressure from me at all. She did say that S23 and S22 are not talking to her, I said I am sorry I hope that changes.

My L and her L finally arrive and then the negotiation starts, W then agrees to take 5K less than agreed upon and wants me to keep the house for another year. I have 60 days to think about it. So we are pretty much done when something occurred to me, if I agree to this I will lose my health insurance. My L then says well hold on let me see if they will agree for a 12 month seperation agreement. W agreed with the 12 month separation agreement. All ppw is being written up for me to review and I have 60 days to agree.

I think this is all positive for me and I am very happy!!

[neffer]

Good for you BH. Keep doing what works.

[AnotherStander]

Sounds good BH, glad to hear the two of you are communicating again and it sounds like you're handling the convos with her quite well. Good job!

[bhappy2]

Updating:

Several situations have gone by and I have not been actively updating so I thought i would share updates.

Very sad news as one of my best friends of 46 years has passed away, suddenly. It was just heartbreaking. I am devistated and just got over the wake and funeral. Very painful. The only good thing is that I was asked if I could coach his 11 year old son in soccer... I was so happy his wife asked me, I really want to be there for his family.

My wife and I have been talking as she expressed her condolences and we talked for about 15 minutes, we have talked several times in the last few weeks all pleasant. She will also help finacially with the dog. I take this one step at a time, no pressure from me at all.

She is still very slow with regards to communicating with her L and we are at an time when we are basically done with the D but she needs to confirm the agreement. So back to court we go on Aug 6th bc she wont answer the agreement. I have seen all the emails between L's and it seems my W's L is as frustrated as we are.

This was a very difficult month for me as far as losing my friend I went to visit him in the hospital and my running has been slowed. I will pick it back up tomorrow. Good thing as I was not running is D20 started running again and she keeps asking for me to start back up... I will and I hope to run a 5K with her before she returns to college.

The weather is warm here I am off for a few nights as I wait for a new truck, I may take a ride to the beach just by myself. It took two years to realize its ok to do things by yourself.

If your new on this site, I am sorry you're here, know this... it will get better with time. Listen to the vets. There is no quick fix, just GAL like crazy and amazing things will happen.

[Tryhard]

^^^^^

[bhappy2]

Updating:

Let me start with this, there is a real sense of relief and optimism in my house right now, my children and I have really become much closer in the last 12 months. I am just enjoying my time with them more and more. We have had two bbq's so far this summer (havent done this in the last 5 yrs.).

D20 may become a police officer as she is really asking a lot of questions. I will guide her best I can. All good stuff.

W sent over dog food and money for dog to go to Vet. I was very surprised, I texted her thank you and she texted back, said that she was happy to help. Sent a couple more texts joking around and she actually was playful. First time in two years.

D20 spent yesterday with W and couldnt wait to tell me all about it. Lunch, shopping... you get the idea.

S23 and S22 are no where near building a relationship with her as it will take more time, they are angry and not afraid to tell me, I valid them and tell them that is their mom and in time you will be able to forgive.

I contacted the soccer coach that I will be coaching with for my friend who passed away's son. I am really looking forward to this and I will give it 100% effort. I miss my friend so much.

I have a huge baseball card collection that I have just started to unpack, I forgot how much I enjoyed doing this. Plus I have some really valuable cards. I started to show my boys and they couldnt believe I save unopened packs, all the way back to 1981. I have many Cal Ripken rookie cards, he was one of my favorite players.

I also started to pay closer attention to my retirement funds, I enjoy reading about different stocks and companys. This needed more attention as I approach retirement.

If your spouse told you they want a D... you will have fear... but do not fear the unknown, I promise (that means my word) you wll feel better if you follow the advice on this site. Get a coach, read, but be careful not to try and absorb all the info at once. Let it soak in for a long time and process that info... take each step one by one... last but not least keep your mouth closed, not everyone will be there to help, some will enjoy your agony.

[bhappy2]

Hey everyone, need some help, W keeps asking for more communication. I have made several attemps to talk to her about the D and she was receptive. But I have noticed that when there is a decision to be made she gets cold and somewhat quick to end the call. This would have to be about the children and dog, I told her that I do not want the dog for the 100th time and she is insisting that I take him. I realize that is more of the confusion that she want everything to be difficult.

Even now after over two years she wants everyone to not know anything. Just found out today that she hasnt talked to our two sons and limited contact with D's. She did buy D20 a bunch of stuff for her college return. BTW our D is almost final and we now had to have court adjourned bc she changed the agreement. This really is harder than losing her. The amount of unbelievable nonsense is overwhelming. She agreed for me to keep my health insurance for 12 months, now she wants to drop me from her plan today. She agreed that I would keep the buy down of the principle of the mortgage but now she wants half...ugh....this is mentally exhausting.

[bhappy2]

Updating:

Happier and happier everyday!

Well I am moving along living the best life possible, going on dates, meeting new people and thoroughly enjoying work. After one of my best friends passed away on July 16th I have now regained my composure, it is way harder than getting divorced. I did not run because I just couldnt get motivated. Its slowly but surely coming back.

Court case: To put this in the easiest way possible my divorce is nothing short of bizarre. Everything was settled, but actually is it ever? NO... we agreed in the court house to everything, then a she changed her mind on almost everything. More confusion, more craziness... I do not react anymore its in my lawyers hands.

S23 saw his mom for the first time in 9 months yesterday, he said she was overly nice, doting on him. His words were "It was weird". He said she really changed and wasnt sure if she was wacky, or just awkward. He just couldnt explain it. She asked him to come home and get the dog, he did, she cried when she saw him. Ok... whatever! He did say something a little off to me, he said Dad, if mom contacts you dont answer her or talk to her ever again. I said why? He said just dont shes not a good person. I said thank you but you leave that decision to me.

D25 stayed at the house with me last night, great just hanging with her. She said she is going to come more often.

D20 just got a job up at college to make extra money. I know she is struggling mentally with all that occured. Wish I could help her more, she will get through this.

S22 is away on vacation, he text he is having a great time.

Moving forward, looking to my future.

Sorry you are here, it will get worse then it will get great!

[neffer]

So there you are BH, shining bright. Keep that road you´ve chosen.

Stay strong man, onward, upward and inward. Really happy man!

(((BH)))

[bhappy2]

Still here with many new developments... I cannot post anything as of yet bc I believe my W may have had access to me posting here. Will post more later.

[bhappy2]

Hello all... Havent been on in a while but I need to share with anyone who doesnt believe they can get through this...

Please if you are really hurting and the pain is unbareable go get help!! You may not be able to cope on your own. There are many resources to help you, dont be afraid to ask for help from anyone. The following story just happened last wednesday and it is the hardest thing to understand.

When my sitch first started I reached out to many coworkers that had the same thing happen to them as me, we all worked night shift for many years and the patterns were the same. Unhappy wives who moved on to greener pastures, as a matter of fact the divorce rate was prob around 80% for the dept. I was in. It looked to me like after many years of working nights it took its toll on the marraige.

So one of the people I spoke with was a long time friend who was further down the road then me and was already divorced. He maintained a friendship with his ex and he was still trying to get her back. He had many issues in his marraige but besides working nights he also had some financial instability. A few moths ago his business partner stole his investment and he was on the verge of bankrupcy.

I had so many conversations with him over the last 2 years and many times we spent 2 hours or more talking about working on ourselves and such. I must say he had me fooled about how good he was doing. I was doing all the reading, watching all the videos... following the suggestings on this site. I was and still am doing well. I have a clear understanding of what needs to be done as hard as it is.

My friend move away from his ex and started to do well in his new business, he would come home every few months to see his adult children. When he was home he would see his ex and they did sleep together which gave hime hope that they could get back together. He really thought the more he had sex with her the closer they could get to being together. NOPE... wasnt going to happen, she had an agenda and it wasnt reconcilliation.

So he loses his business, has no money, moves back to the area and has to live with a family memeber bc he has no money. He begins calling the ex. She now wants nothing to do with him, he tries harder and harder... she pushes him further and further away. His kids are now telling him to stop. Hes distraught, he upset, cant think straight...he will not reach out for help. He goes out with a friend (another co worker whos W left him) they have dinner, a few drinks. He gets dropped of and then decides to go visit the ex. He gets to her house and she lets him in and he begins to beg and plead... I love you I want my family back together... she tells him no its over... his adult child is there telling him he needs to leave...he walks out the front door and kills himself... Unreal!!! devistated... heartbroken....

Go seek out help, its never that bad... you will get through this.

[AnotherStander]

Wow that's a terrible story. I think this really highlights one of the reasons we focus so much here on working on yourself and becoming detached and independent, because whether recon happens or not you're prepared to move on to the next chapter in life. No one is attracted to clinginess and desperation so he never really had a chance with her.

It sounds like you on the other hand are doing well, so that's good to hear! Very sorry to hear about your friend though.

[bhappy2]

Thank you AS, I appreciate all your help throughout this process. I didnt just use this site although this site was of great value to me.

Life is a work in progress... always progressing.

[bhappy2]

Still here, still reading, still technically married, wow its been an incredible 3 years since my ordeal began. BTW I wouldn't change a thing... this is the greatest thing that has happened to me, boy I was living under a rock. There is an beautiful world out here, don't let anyone take away your shine. I found mine through tremendous hard work. Reading here on this site... you cannot put a price on this site, its invaluable!

Me... more friendly, nicer, more straight forward in a nice way, better boundries (no i dont give up on those boundries), in the best physical shape in my life, best finacial situation I have been in since I got married. Many opportunities for a relationship.. but I will wait to find the right person. It has to feel right, we have to click. Better relationship with my children, its beautiful.. as we get to know each other again.

My ex has had some reality checks and I got a full dose of her manipulation last night. I completed my taxes and my accountant suggested he take a look at filing married to see if we could save some money. I told him I didnt want to call my ex,(not interested in speaking with her), but I bit the bullet and did. She didn't answer, I left a message to please call me back. Three hours later she called, this is her way. Right off the bat I got Hi, how are you? Hows everything going? I don't give her an answer, I just get right into the convo. I explain that I may be able to save 3K dollars on my taxes if we file together, she said really? I said yes, if you could please consider calling my accountant and let him know your numbers.

She called him this morning, he ran the numbers and just called me to say that my wife owes the government over 3K and it wouldn't pay to file together. I now know why she was so willing to file together, unreal! She said to me on the phone as long as she doesnt have to pay, she will gladly file together... NOPE! not going to happen.

I am on vacation this week and love the fact that I can get so much done around the house. It really feels so good accomplishing things that have been put off way too long.

To anyone fighting through this personal pain, please know there is light and the end of the tunnel for you, you can do it. I thought life was over, NOT BY A LONG SHOT. You have wonderful accomplishments ahead of you, go for it.

[bhappy2]

Officially Divored, thank you divorce busting memebers, your help was immeasurable. Much Love...

[SteveLW]

Officially Divored, thank you divorce busting memebers, your help was immeasurable. Much Love...

Just a step in the journey..................