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ballast #2832774 01/14/19 09:47 PM
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B, you got this. You are strong for you and your D!


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
ballast #2833031 01/16/19 01:55 PM
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journaling...

so imagine that...yesterday afternoon i got a text convo from my WW about some stuff related to D4. that's significant as i could probably count on one hand the number of conversations i've had with WW in a year.

within the D4 talk, I got comments interjected from her along the lines of and I'm paraphrasing Taylor Swift saying "we are getting divorced and like never, ever be together again...like ever"

the need to restate the obvious that yes, you are divorcing me always strikes me as why the need?. like I well know that, so why the need to say it again. there were some other "fog"/history rewriting things said. quite frankly some of them as written didn't even make sense. i consider it a measure of my detachment progress that I just addressed the issues regarding D4 and left the WW talk alone.

"maybe" the divorce comments were temp checks? have so little said between us sine separation, never had any from her so even recognizing them would be difficult for me. anyway just moving along...


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
ballast #2833039 01/16/19 02:21 PM
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Has she actually filed?


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
ballast #2833043 01/16/19 02:28 PM
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nope...still working on the agreement and honestly not with much urgency...in a way feel like I've done more on that than she has...


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
ballast #2833047 01/16/19 02:32 PM
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I don't see these as temp checks as much as they are vague "it is over so go ahead and file" messages. WASs and WSs especially are notoriously lazy when it comes to the actual D. I know my W was "I don't want to be married anymore, and want a D". But every conversation after that related to D was to framed in the "when you (meaning me) file, blah blah blah". She had no intentions of every doing any of the work herself.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
ballast #2833054 01/16/19 02:45 PM
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the need to restate what I basically have long ago accepted as obvious is just weird to me. like why the need? I heard you a long time ago LOL

as I say it was blah, blah, blah D4 and then "we're divorcing", blah, blah blah D4,...."hey we're getting divorced" LOL

the conversations, what W says...still amazing to me how much of it either doesn't make any sense or honestly didn't require a text in the first place.

anyway...moving on along...the scarcity of interaction made this noteworthy for me.


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
ballast #2833064 01/16/19 03:04 PM
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Originally Posted by ballast
the need to restate what I basically have long ago accepted as obvious is just weird to me. like why the need? I heard you a long time ago LOL

as I say it was blah, blah, blah D4 and then "we're divorcing", blah, blah blah D4,...."hey we're getting divorced" LOL

the conversations, what W says...still amazing to me how much of it either doesn't make any sense or honestly didn't require a text in the first place.

anyway...moving on along...the scarcity of interaction made this noteworthy for me.


yeah, they are extremely strange creatures. Dealing with them takes self-control and patience. Well done on that front by the way!


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
ballast #2833073 01/16/19 03:41 PM
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thanks...getting triggered about something i've accepted long ago just wasn't going to happen. i wondered if I should have addressed those D comments, but not seeing any value in doing so, I just let them roll off me.

I've always stayed open, respectful and willing to listen whenever W contacts me, but I'm not going to lose control or patience...to do so would just provide oxygen to her flame or justification that I'm the problem.


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
ballast #2833262 01/17/19 02:54 PM
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just a quick journal entry...

it is a terrible shame that this divorce must happen and W has not shown a single sad feeling about this...it is what it is I know, I know also as Sandi has said I can't fear the divorce and it just has to happen.

i am definitely one of those once divorced the door is forever closed types of folks although the words that BluWave wrote in Joe2017's sitch really had an impact on me and how i view what's happening.

i'm resigned to the inevitability of what lies ahead of me. i know unfortunately it must happen and for all intents my MR has been dead for coming up on a year. i do not understand how man or woman can get to a point like my WW where the ending of an MR can be seen as a positive or even joyful thing. i guess that's just one of those unanswerables of life that i don't have to like, but must accept.

our marriage/family I loved more than my own life...REAL hard to see it ending like it was nothing but a piece of trash to my W.

I know i'm not alone in these feelings and I know full well the blessings i have in my life...doesn't stop the pain of this though...

-B


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
ballast #2833265 01/17/19 03:12 PM
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B... I could have written that last entry. It seems like you and I are in very similar places. Resigned with a level of acceptance but still struggling with the painful feelings that come when someone you loved and trusted abandons and betrays you. I, too, have many, many things to be thankful for but you are right, it does not stop the pain. I am grateful that as time goes by though, that the pain is not as sharp as it was in the beginning. That’s progress at least. Hang in there. Keep posting. You are not alone... I know you know that. I also know that future will bring some happy surprises as long as we are open to it. (((HUGS)))

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