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A Message from Michele
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Re: CodaX2 [Re: Accuray] #2829283
12/21/18 09:05 PM
12/21/18 09:05 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 5,619
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LH19 Offline
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LH19  Offline
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Posts: 5,619
Originally Posted by Accuray
The fact that people have difficulty sticking to the program doesn't mean it doesn't work!

No Acc I completely agree. It was more of a true statistical statement based on what another poster had posted.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: CodaX2 [Re: ballast] #2829588
12/24/18 06:04 PM
12/24/18 06:04 PM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 766
B
ballast Offline OP
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ballast  Offline OP
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B
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 766
Well met W to exchange D. She will be with W for Xmas. Not one single word nor look from W to me. Even the armies in WWII who were killing each other had some truce at least for Xmas. Oh well...

I will never understand the total silence.

Last edited by ballast; 12/24/18 06:04 PM.

Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
Re: CodaX2 [Re: ballast] #2829589
12/24/18 06:06 PM
12/24/18 06:06 PM
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 953
D
Davide Offline
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Davide  Offline
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Joined: May 2018
Posts: 953
Onward, Ballast!

Enjoy a great Christmas with family and/or friends! Find things to be grateful for and share the love of those close to you!


W 34 Me 42
Married 7 years together 8
0 kids 1 beloved dog
BD 4/6/2018
I moved out 4/7/2018
I moved back in alone 8/05/2018
I file 3/06/2019
D official 5/7/2019
Re: CodaX2 [Re: ballast] #2829616
12/24/18 10:09 PM
12/24/18 10:09 PM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 766
B
ballast Offline OP
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ballast  Offline OP
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B
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 766
No matter the why. Through the heartbreak of being without my family tonight, another huge nail in the coffin has been driven in any love I may have had for her. Just ready for the new year and a new life without her. Our MR and family did not deserve to be discarded like it was worthless. I wish her peace, love and above all, happiness.

B


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
Re: CodaX2 [Re: ballast] #2829621
12/24/18 10:41 PM
12/24/18 10:41 PM
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 773
S
SoTorn Offline
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SoTorn  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 773
Originally Posted by ballast
No matter the why. Through the heartbreak of being without my family tonight, another huge nail in the coffin has been driven in any love I may have had for her. Just ready for the new year and a new life without her. Our MR and family did not deserve to be discarded like it was worthless. I wish her peace, love and above all, happiness.

B


Same here man. My WW keeps nailing away on the coffin of our MR. My desire for her and to R and even my attraction to her has significantly diminished because of her actions.

Funny thing is I set my relationship status to single on SM. I have it so it doesnt notify anyone. But since I did that, I have been getting an unreal amount of friend requests from some amazingly beautiful career women. I havent taken any steps to date or anything, but I know for a fact that I will have zero issues finding someone that values me.

We are MOAFWL and were M to some serious fools.


M:16
T:21
H(me) 38
WW: 38
S11 D16 D19
Red Flags of A: March 2018
ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018
Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018
BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018
D Filed: March 27, 2019
Re: CodaX2 [Re: ballast] #2829636
12/25/18 04:26 AM
12/25/18 04:26 AM
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 233
Midwest
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harvey Offline
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Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 233
Midwest
Originally Posted by ballast
No matter the why. Through the heartbreak of being without my family tonight, another huge nail in the coffin has been driven in any love I may have had for her. Just ready for the new year and a new life without her. Our MR and family did not deserve to be discarded like it was worthless. I wish her peace, love and above all, happiness.

B


This is how I"m feeling. This is tough. Hang in there. You are not alone.

Re: CodaX2 [Re: ballast] #2830405
12/31/18 03:01 PM
12/31/18 03:01 PM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 766
B
ballast Offline OP
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ballast  Offline OP
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B
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 766
D went back to W over the weekend. D and I had the best time during Christmas. I love her so much, but I HATE being a soon to be single Dad! Not the doing involved with it nor time with D, but the loss of D's family, the shared custody, the impact of all of this on D's life.

i don't care what happens with W. been there for a long time now. i do however continue to struggle about not blaming myself for her leaving. so much that i read online is always framed in the mold of "if the husband had been more aware/less ignorant of the signs/done this/that, wife wouldn't have left" it seems so much of what i read is that the husband must sacrifice extensively to whatever whims his W may have so that disrespect and resentment does not take seed in her mind/heart and she leaves. and those always end up saying "most guys have no idea what THAT is until it's too late". i just honestly don't think i want to play the game anymore. there are just too many negatives that outweigh the positive. just where i'm at these days.

i've never in my life been happy to see a year go, but 2018 leaving will be a blessing. 2019 will bring divorce, a new living arrangement, neither of my choosing, but i don't fear either. my prayers to all of you and a sincere thank you for the support you've given to me.

-B


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
Re: CodaX2 [Re: ballast] #2830415
12/31/18 03:30 PM
12/31/18 03:30 PM
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 2,075
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neffer Offline
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Posts: 2,075
We live, we learn B. Get back to reality now, present time. You are moving forward and it will get better. You know that.

My best thoughts go with you and your D. Count what you have. Then use your PMA, no need for the rest.

(((B)))


WW H(me): 49
W: 45
T: 25 M: 20
S: 15
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
Re: CodaX2 [Re: ballast] #2830426
12/31/18 04:35 PM
12/31/18 04:35 PM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 766
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ballast Offline OP
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ballast  Offline OP
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B
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 766
thank you neffer for your thoughts to me and my D, but respectfully I must disagree. Present time is full of D's crying, missing one parent as handed off to the other, back and forth, always missing one parent and/or the family she once knew. THAT pain is present time and will persist for the rest of her/our life. PMA in that reality I'm sorry my friend. And my W is fine with putting her needs over her child's needs.

The whole "it's better to have two happy parents than an unhappy marriage" who says the parent left behind is happy? what about the utter destruction wrought by the parent who left? the lives destroyed in the name of THEIR happiness?

all that I know is that I will be divorced and living somewhere else. that is all I know. I know I am blessed to have her. I was a terrible husband, had no clue on all the expectations women have in relationships and realize I need to stay away from them as I'd only fail again.

I'm sorry, I'm in a bad place right now. not over my W, I could care less what really happens to her. honestly not even concerned about myself. but what the idiocy/sham of what our MR was and how it's impacting my D, truly it kills me.


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
Re: CodaX2 [Re: ballast] #2830438
12/31/18 05:07 PM
12/31/18 05:07 PM
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 2,502
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Accuray Offline
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Accuray  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 2,502
Sorry you're feeling down ballast, the holidays are hard.

Originally Posted by ballast
Present time is full of D's crying, missing one parent as handed off to the other, back and forth, always missing one parent and/or the family she once knew. THAT pain is present time and will persist for the rest of her/our life.


I've got three kids -- they are now 20, 18, and 14. They don't always miss one parent or the family they once knew, and they certainly don't cry when they go back and forth. That pain will not persist for the rest of her life or yours. In fact, they are very happy, healthy and well adjusted.

Kids are emotional sponges. If you're feeling down, they're going to pick up on it, even if you're doing your best to hide it. If there is strife between their parents, they're going to feel it and be impacted by it, that's for sure.

I've been divorced for over 4.5 years, with over 7.5 years since BD. At BD, my youngest was only 6 years old, first grade. She's now spent more of her life with us divorced than she did with us married and she's perfectly fine.

If you lead the life you want to lead, and find your way to happiness, it will carry over to your daughter. If you're happy and confident and unimpacted by handovers, eventually she will be too. Time heals all wounds ballast, both of you will be fine.

Acc


Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015
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