Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 10 of 11 1 2 8 9 10 11
ballast #2828077 12/17/18 02:50 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
Can't link outside but do a google search on Bronner's. Then in their search look up daddy daughter ornaments.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
ballast #2828087 12/17/18 03:16 PM
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 2,136
Likes: 19
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 2,136
Likes: 19
Stay strong B!!!

You are making new memories for D3, new Christmas memories. Those memories are forever. Go for them man!

(((hugs))) for D3 and B!


WW H(me): 53
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 18
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
ballast #2828135 12/17/18 04:57 PM
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 418
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 418
Hi Ballast,

Catching up on your sitch. I can see why you are wanting answers. If you had them, what would you do then and would it be different from what you need to do now?

I have a IHS with WW and although I don't know details I know it's enough for me to move forward and work on myself. She'll deny anything is going on. I have a S10 and S6 and I think this may be our last Christmas together but I'm not going to allow that to control how I act like trying to overdo anything. Enjoy life for what it is.

Enjoy this time with your D3. Love yourself. Find peace that the people you still care for are still on this Earth and that although this is the most difficult thing, we should use this time to center ourselves and put focus on what really matters in our lives. (())


H 49 , W 47
T 23, M 17
S11, S5
BD: 7/18
IHS: 7/18 - 3/19
Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19
Piecing: 4/19 - Current

----
ballast #2828157 12/17/18 05:54 PM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 776
B
ballast Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 776
Throughout this whole process, I have marveled at the words and time expenses discussing all this when the facts and what we must do can be said in so very few words. Case in point the following which today I have arrived at:

I am better off without her.


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
ballast #2828240 12/17/18 09:58 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,152
Likes: 1
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,152
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by ballast
Throughout this whole process, I have marveled at the words and time expenses discussing all this when the facts and what we must do can be said in so very few words. Case in point the following which today I have arrived at:

I am better off without her.


Sometimes we have to take the scenic route to our destination, LOL!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
ballast #2828250 12/17/18 10:19 PM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 776
B
ballast Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 776
Stander...yep that. :-)

It truly is such a crazy thing how long/hard it is to drop the rope, let them go, get a life. Seriously 9 simple words to get you from where you were to where you need to be. it is terribly painful though...who can find any fault with any of us for wanting the ideal of love, family and forever.

I guess the only other thing I know is that and again as Sandi has said a zillion times, once my W really feels the consequences of her actions...that time for my W is coming although I will be in no way around to see it...I just know it's coming for her at some point.

D4 :-) and me is all I got...and it's more than enough...


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
ballast #2828337 12/18/18 01:59 PM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 603
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 603
Hey b, been a while . I've read most of your posts and it seems that you are accepting what may become for most of us our outcome. From what I've read it shows you have taken the time to reflect and to heal. Like they say hear the path to healing is not linear - like most of us I see the ups and downs but for you I feel that strong semblance of balance. It seems you are taking things in stride and are strong in resolution of reaching your objective of detachment. I commend you for this. I am trying to do the same but feel I am somewhat stuck in the anger phase( not healthy I know) . Know that my prayers are with you and D. May you have a blessed Christmas!


M51 w50
T-20Yrs M-16Yrs
S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up
1 Awesum dog
BD 10/31/17
separate rooms 02/08/18
wife moved out 05/17/18

ballast #2828442 12/18/18 06:30 PM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 776
B
ballast Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 776
LW...yes it has been a while. I guess enough time has gone past for me now that I am to the point of "what other choice do I have" ya know? I have definitely taken the time to understand as best I can the things within me and my actions that led to where I am today. of course a HUGE portion of my sitch exists within my WW and her choice to leave so I can't even be sure what I think I might have done was in fact what caused her to exit. all of this is speculative guessing in a sense. as folks say here I might have thought and done everything right and she still may have bolted so...life is unfair sometimes no matter what we do or try.

I think for me as I've said all along, my gut tells me there is OM and if there is, then the MR and possible R is closed off to me. Am I hedging my bets, yep I am...If someday WW came back around, I don't contemplate that possibility. I just focus on the here and now. her being with someone post-me is for now a dealbreaker. but I love her and I'm a Christian and I'm to forgive her and love selflessly...so just gonna have to let the chips fall where they may. right now I'm not even interested in dating. not because I'm bitter or scared or working on myself, I'm just not interested. having a great time doing things with my D and being a Dad and reconnecting with my own interests/hobbies when D is not around. if I ever did get back into online dating or dating in general, unlike in times past I have no intention of being the pursuer. if some lady shows interest in me, great...if not, guess the ol' profile will just sit out there.

I wish I could say I was taking this in stride. the reality is what the reality is ya know? only so long you can beat your head against a closed door before you get tired and say to yourself "hmmm, maybe I ought to just go on and escape out this window" and that's all I'm doing. my wife CHOSE THIS so from her decision our marriage ends. I can beat myself up 24/7/365 but it will not change a single d**n thing. so kick, scream, yell, cry, do whatever but you will finally reach a point of acceptance because the only one being held back until you do, is you...and that means, you let your WW win and ain't no WW deserving of that. my guess for why you are still in an anger phase is that you are more deeply rooted in your faith that divorce is unacceptable. for me while I believe divorce is unacceptable I am more willing to accept God saying to me "hey B, yeah I know I said I don't like divorce, but look I'm teaching you things you need to know to be a better man, spouse and even Christian so look I have future plans for you, it's ok to let this one go, just trust me".

I had been wondering what was up with you as I hadn't seen your posts for a while. I wish you and your son a blessed Merry Christmas as well. I hope that during this time of peace and good will towards men, that God's spirit will work within you to help you free yourself from your anger. he knows you have stood for your marriage honorably as best you could, allow yourself the grace and peace to see that perhaps he is try to lead you in another direction. my best to you buddy!

-B


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
ballast #2828444 12/18/18 06:49 PM
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 536
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 536
Originally Posted by ballast


my wife CHOSE THIS so from her decision our marriage ends. I can beat myself up 24/7/365 but it will not change a single d**n thing. so kick, scream, yell, cry, do whatever but you will finally reach a point of acceptance because the only one being held back until you do, is you...and that means, you let your WW win and ain't no WW deserving of that. my guess for why you are still in an anger phase is that you are more deeply rooted in your faith that divorce is unacceptable. for me while I believe divorce is unacceptable I am more willing to accept God saying to me "hey B, yeah I know I said I don't like divorce, but look I'm teaching you things you need to know to be a better man, spouse and even Christian so look I have future plans for you, it's ok to let this one go, just trust me".


My sitch is different, and we’re not even to S (yet), but I’ve thought about this.

Are there things that I could have / should have done different? Yeah sure. But the same is true for all of us, W included.

As a Catholic I do find divorce unacceptable (except for something extreme, and an affair would qualify as that), and she and I talked about that in the abstract at numerous points, and we are both in agreement that this is definitely on the table if that occurs. “Cheat on me? I’ll divorce you and take you to the cleaners financially and with respect to child custody.” (For me, I would also work on getting the marriage annulled, too.)

But as a Catholic, I can’t also discount what you wrote, too—that maybe He works through different messengers and situations. “Hey, I know what my law and my Church proscribe, and I know you’re trying to be faithful to Me, but...”


M: 36
W: 30
T: 9
M: 7

S6 (OS)
S7mo (YS)

ILYBINILWY BD: Feb. ‘18

W Wants S / D BD: 1/4/19

H / W still in-house

D papers from W: 3/14/19
Bo562 #2828445 12/18/18 06:56 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
Originally Posted by Bo562
Originally Posted by ballast


my wife CHOSE THIS so from her decision our marriage ends. I can beat myself up 24/7/365 but it will not change a single d**n thing. so kick, scream, yell, cry, do whatever but you will finally reach a point of acceptance because the only one being held back until you do, is you...and that means, you let your WW win and ain't no WW deserving of that. my guess for why you are still in an anger phase is that you are more deeply rooted in your faith that divorce is unacceptable. for me while I believe divorce is unacceptable I am more willing to accept God saying to me "hey B, yeah I know I said I don't like divorce, but look I'm teaching you things you need to know to be a better man, spouse and even Christian so look I have future plans for you, it's ok to let this one go, just trust me".


My sitch is different, and we’re not even to S (yet), but I’ve thought about this.

Are there things that I could have / should have done different? Yeah sure. But the same is true for all of us, W included.

As a Catholic I do find divorce unacceptable (except for something extreme, and an affair would qualify as that), and she and I talked about that in the abstract at numerous points, and we are both in agreement that this is definitely on the table if that occurs. “Cheat on me? I’ll divorce you and take you to the cleaners financially and with respect to child custody.” (For me, I would also work on getting the marriage annulled, too.)

But as a Catholic, I can’t also discount what you wrote, too—that maybe He works through different messengers and situations. “Hey, I know what my law and my Church proscribe, and I know you’re trying to be faithful to Me, but...”


Bo I am not sure what you are trying to say but the New Testament is pretty clear. That adultery is grounds for D. Not sure what the Catholic church says, but that is what the scripture says.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Page 10 of 11 1 2 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard