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A Message from Michele
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Re: Coda [Re: ballast] #2828451
12/18/18 07:11 PM
12/18/18 07:11 PM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 766
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ballast Offline OP
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Bo...for any LBS here I will almost guarantee that their sitch has FAR more to do with whatever is up with the WW/WH than them. we are all imperfect and for sure with the benefit of hindsight we can see those imperfections more clearly, but in the rigors of day to day life how many of us can cover every single d**n thing we SHOULD/COULD have done? and again, who are we to say if we even really know what it was that ticked off our spouses? marriage at a certain point is a total crap shoot of faith that the two people who vowed to each other can make it work, sadly many times they can't. the idea to me that any of us LBS's via self examination can totally correct everything we did wrong...that is a cheeseless tunnel as we say around here.

I go back to, they left/have other person/don't want to be married anymore/whatever the reason it is the TRUTH for the LBS to learn to handle however they can. it takes each of us a person journey to get to the point where enough is enough. H88L I love the woman I married to this day, never wanted any of this, but...it does not matter, she gone. as I said in an earlier post you can sum up the ENTIRE story about what happened to us and what we must do in a single paragraph. I would say actually even in less than 20 total words. that is just mind numbingly unfair to all of us, but it's true.

Again let me say I'm far from a devout Christian insofar as church attendance, bible study, etc BUT "I" have a relationship with my God and through that and perhaps at times contrary to established church doctrines he and I speak to one another about my life. Simply I do not put what the church says I must do between he and I which is exactly what you wrote. I believe if you walk in the spirit of the Lord that path you take ain't always gonna be straight nor clear nor proper, BUT your persistence and willingness to follow in the path he has provided for you will lead you to the answers and peace. Like I said take what I say how you will. It's simply the way that works for me. My best to you friend!

-B

Last edited by Cadet; 12/18/18 07:33 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message

Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
Re: Coda [Re: ballast] #2828493
12/18/18 08:37 PM
12/18/18 08:37 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
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I didn't want to hijack the other thread but in 4 years being on this board, approximately 90% of the posters end up divorced. I remember for like a 2 year span everyone used Texhubby as the example, because he was the only one for years who prevented a divorce. The three years of limbo almost killed him though.

I think more realistically speaking is a chance at recon many years down the road. Once it has been determined the grass isn't greener on the other side.

Even now with Joe2017. Truth be told he was terrible at DB and it looks like he got lucky that her OP was a loser.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: Coda [Re: ballast] #2828499
12/18/18 08:47 PM
12/18/18 08:47 PM
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Posts: 766
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Yeah when I started Txhubby was still a “success” story. As you say with Joe I think when reading his sitch his WW was being way more apologetic even if she was still WW. Truth is it’s a bloodbath success wise as in saved marriages but saved lives of those left behind the lessons here are equally successful.

Last edited by Cadet; 12/18/18 08:49 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message

Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
Re: Coda [Re: ballast] #2828504
12/18/18 08:55 PM
12/18/18 08:55 PM
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LH19 Offline
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No I agree following DB changed my life and I definitely am a success story from where I started.

I just question Steve's data when he says things like 50/50 and most WW will not follow through with D. I think it is everyone's tendency to base a lot on what happened in their own sitch.

I really wish there was true data here.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: Coda [Re: LH19] #2828509
12/18/18 09:01 PM
12/18/18 09:01 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
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Steve85 Offline
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Originally Posted by LH19
I didn't want to hijack the other thread but in 4 years being on this board, approximately 90% of the posters end up divorced. I remember for like a 2 year span everyone used Texhubby as the example, because he was the only one for years who prevented a divorce. The three years of limbo almost killed him though.

I think more realistically speaking is a chance at recon many years down the road. Once it has been determined the grass isn't greener on the other side.

Even now with Joe2017. Truth be told he was terrible at DB and it looks like he got lucky that her OP was a loser.


Maybe you are right. I think 50/50 gives the DBer hope that if they play their cards right there is a chance.

Oh...and all OP are losers!


M(51), W(52),D(16)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Coda [Re: ballast] #2828516
12/18/18 09:23 PM
12/18/18 09:23 PM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 766
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ballast Offline OP
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I think saving an MR pre-D with a WW is unlikely. Per Sandi’s timeline those folks are nowhere near through whatever they may be dealing with before D. Now after D I think the odds become much better. For the vast majority of us LBS folks though we hate the thought the fact is we are better off free from the crazy and abuse we are getting from our wayward spouse. But we love them, our families, who would ever blame us for standing.


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
Re: Coda [Re: ballast] #2828521
12/18/18 09:37 PM
12/18/18 09:37 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,242
NY
Cadet Offline

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Cadet  Offline

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Please start a new thread you are over 100 posts


Me-66, D33,S32
Re: Coda [Re: ballast] #2828581
12/19/18 06:42 AM
12/19/18 06:42 AM
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 536
Orange County, CA
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Bo562 Offline
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Hi Steve,

Apologies if being unclear—not my intent. I have heard the argument that scripture allows D for adultery, and this is an especially common argument for Protestant Christians; the Catholic Church teaches that D is only morally permissible “[i]f civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense.” (Catechism of the Catholic Church #2383). I would then imagine that following a civil D, a church annulment should follow next. (Really don’t mean to get into the theological weeds—if you want to know more, message me, or hop over to my thread. I talk about topics like this in my day job.).



http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2828526#Post2828526

Last edited by Cadet; 12/19/18 09:39 PM. Reason: Link

M: 36
W: 30
T: 9
M: 7

S6 (OS)
S7mo (YS)

ILYBINILWY BD: Feb. ‘18

W Wants S / D BD: 1/4/19

H / W still in-house

D papers from W: 3/14/19
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