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A Message from Michele
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Re: From the other side (#10) [Re: SBJ] #2873750
11/28/19 04:38 PM
11/28/19 04:38 PM
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 870
Texas
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SBJ Offline OP
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SBJ  Offline OP
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Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 870
Texas
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you that give love, prayer and support to all of the left behind spouses. You are all angels for sure. Love you guys!


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Re: From the other side (#10) [Re: SBJ] #2873923
11/30/19 01:48 AM
11/30/19 01:48 AM
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,148
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Gerda Offline
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Gerda  Offline
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SBJ, I never answered this post you wrote but thought about it a lot. Thought about you dating and how that fits in with faith.

I have no idea what God wants of me at this point but I know I don't want to start a life with someone or expose my kids to the whole life of stepfamilies. I feel that I was called to my faith, not that I chose it, and my beliefs about my marriage were a big part of the calling. I guess I am waiting for God to show me what is next, and a lot of time I am just trying to trust Him or asking Him to accept me as I am, even when I am losing faith and trust. But I do not want to be a nun, and if God is expecting a lifetime of chastity from me, I am not ready for that either. All I have come up with so far is that I will probably do some dark things that my kids never see but I will not bring anyone into their lives.

Sometimes I still think that God could heal my H, even though he seems too far gone, and even though I have a lot of trouble praying for him anymore, or wanting any of his hell to touch even my pinky toe.

SBJ, I often think of you. Sending you courage and strength, whatever comes next for you....

Last edited by Gerda; 11/30/19 01:49 AM.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Re: From the other side (#10) [Re: SBJ] #2875261
12/09/19 01:09 AM
12/09/19 01:09 AM
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 870
Texas
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SBJ Offline OP
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SBJ  Offline OP
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Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 870
Texas
Garda, thanks for the comments. I agree that God can heal even the most sour of souls, but I also think that we are made to be social creatures. It's a slippery slope that I am still trying to navigate. I also agree that I don't want to introduce anyone else to my kids, but the ex has already done that and that relationship crumbled weeks ago. So my kids saw their mother leave her marriage and have a serious relationship crumble. What a role model she has become in that regard.

Garda, I think our problem is that we rely on God for every other part of our lives, but we lose patience with regard to His place in our prodigals lives. Maybe I also need to refocus my goals and aspirations.

I'm leaving this week as part of another men's retreat team...this will definitely help me refocus on God's will.

I pray you all have a wonderful Christmas Holiday!!!


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Re: From the other side (#10) [Re: SBJ] #2886442
02/19/20 09:23 PM
02/19/20 09:23 PM
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 870
Texas
S
SBJ Offline OP
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SBJ  Offline OP
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Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 870
Texas
Odd update:

After doing things on my own to re-discover myself and begin doing the things that I either had missed doing or new things from my bucket list, I received a visit to day from a guy who is a family friend of both myself and the ex. It was good visiting with him, but I cannot help but feel like I was being interviewed so he can let the ex know what I have been up to. He had even mentioned that he had had a conversation with her where she had mentioned wanting to get back together, but with stipulations...even though that was a long while back.

Whoever coined the phrase...the grass is greener on the other side is a effing moron. Life is what you make of it.

Church, cycling, gym time, guitar, piano, and hopefully my saxophone soon, have kept me busy in remembering who I am and I praise God thru this storm. His promise is to give us what we need when we need it. Nothing is ever said about us going thru life unscathed, but He does say that He will walk with us and that we will finish strong.

I hope and pray that you all continue finding the you that has been hidden or lost in your trial of MLC.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Re: From the other side (#10) [Re: SBJ] #2886465
02/19/20 11:02 PM
02/19/20 11:02 PM
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,748
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OwnIt Offline
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OwnIt  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,748
He's called a flying monkey. My H uses them when he has cut himself off from us and he's afraid of rejection by coming around directly so he engages third parties (lawyer, school personnel, insurance agent). If you google it, you can read about it. If he is being used as a flying monkey, it isn't a healthy approach and I'd just ignore it.

Glad that you are enjoying rediscovering yourself.

Re: From the other side (#10) [Re: SBJ] #2886467
02/19/20 11:14 PM
02/19/20 11:14 PM
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 653
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Grace21 Offline
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SBJ - I am new to your sitch, but this spoke to me:

Originally Posted by SBJ
His promise is to give us what we need when we need it. Nothing is ever said about us going thru life unscathed, but He does say that He will walk with us and that we will finish strong.

I hope and pray that you all continue finding the you that has been hidden or lost in your trial of MLC.


God has been so good to me during this trial. Our trials are meant to make us turn to Him, and make us stronger in ourselves and in our faith. My trial has done that, and more, for me. And you are so correct:


Originally Posted by SBJ
I think our problem is that we rely on God for every other part of our lives, but we lose patience with regard to His place in our prodigals lives.


This is me, for sure! I pray for patience and to not interfere in God's work all the time.

I'm glad I stopped by, and glad to see you to have a wonderful life.

Grace.

P.S. OwnIt. I love the term "flying monkey". This hasn't happened to me.....yet.!


M: 56
H: 57
S: 22
D: 20

H Moved out: 10/1/18
Re: From the other side (#10) [Re: SBJ] #2886468
02/19/20 11:14 PM
02/19/20 11:14 PM
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 653
G
Grace21 Offline
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Grace21  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 653
SBJ - I am new to your sitch, but this spoke to me:

Originally Posted by SBJ
His promise is to give us what we need when we need it. Nothing is ever said about us going thru life unscathed, but He does say that He will walk with us and that we will finish strong.

I hope and pray that you all continue finding the you that has been hidden or lost in your trial of MLC.


God has been so good to me during this trial. Our trials are meant to make us turn to Him, and make us stronger in ourselves and in our faith. My trial has done that, and more, for me. And you are so correct:


Originally Posted by SBJ
I think our problem is that we rely on God for every other part of our lives, but we lose patience with regard to His place in our prodigals lives.


This is me, for sure! I pray for patience and to not interfere in God's work all the time.

I'm glad I stopped by, and glad to see you to have a wonderful life.

Grace.

P.S. OwnIt. I love the term "flying monkey". This hasn't happened to me.....yet.!


M: 56
H: 57
S: 22
D: 20

H Moved out: 10/1/18
Re: From the other side (#10) [Re: SBJ] #2886826
02/22/20 06:58 AM
02/22/20 06:58 AM
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,148
G
Gerda Offline
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Gerda  Offline
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Originally Posted by SBJ
I praise God thru this storm. His promise is to give us what we need when we need it. Nothing is ever said about us going thru life unscathed, but He does say that He will walk with us and that we will finish strong.

I hope and pray that you all continue finding the you that has been hidden or lost in your trial of MLC.



Have been doing this too, and grieving how long I allowed my H to make me a shadow of myself. Have you listened to Tim Keller's sermon on Daniel 3? I returned to it this week and it has been helping me a lot to surrender myself to letting God use my suffering to refine me, to pray for a shift in my circumstances, but, if no change can come right now, to trust God to use it to cultivate some fruit in me.

I was really glad to see your post, it was so nice to get an update.

I would be careful about deciding how it has to be if W comes back. I am sure that if she does come back, and you accept her, it would likely be in a way that you didn't expect and that might look wrong in some way. In other words, to open yourself to God's will and surrender your own notions of how that could happen. I don't know if it will happen or if you will want it to happen, but if you allowed it, I just think you should surrender any ideas you have of what it would look like. Gordie being a great example of that!

I wonder if you ever made it to my friend's restaurant, the Red Oak.

I'm taking a break for Lent, but sending you love and prayers.


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Re: From the other side (#10) [Re: SBJ] #2886870
02/22/20 03:24 PM
02/22/20 03:24 PM
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 870
Texas
S
SBJ Offline OP
Member
SBJ  Offline OP
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Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 870
Texas
Own it, grace and gerda....thx for stopping by. Its good to get some responses and ideas from ppl here. This has been going on for almost 4 years and it is definitely taxing. Not sure which direction our paths will take either. I simply hope that I am ready for whatever God has in store for me.

Own...like the flying monkey response...she was a fan of the great OZ. I feel like a combo of the characters at times. Sometimes no heart or brain. I did not divulge anything that would be a negative either way. Simply general info.

Gerda...his will his time his way. I have agreed to go forward with what he asks of me. Its been great. I have not been that wat in a while. Will try again.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Re: From the other side (#10) [Re: SBJ] #2898087
06/22/20 02:29 AM
06/22/20 02:29 AM
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,148
G
Gerda Offline
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Gerda  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,148
Thinking of a wonderful father and wonderful guy today, SBJ!

Shoulders
Naomi Shihab Nye

A man crosses the street in rain,
stepping gently, looking two times north and south,
because his son is asleep on his shoulder.

No car must splash him.
No car drive too near to his shadow.

This man carries the world's most sensitive cargo
but he's not marked.
Nowhere does his jacket say FRAGILE,
HANDLE WITH CARE.

His ear fills up with breathing.
He hears the hum of a boy's dream
deep inside him.

We're not going to be able
to live in this world
if we're not willing to do what he's doing
with one another.

The road will only be wide.
The rain will never stop falling.


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Page 8 of 10 1 2 6 7 8 9 10

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