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A Message from Michele
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Re: From the other side (#10) [Re: SBJ] #2836841
02/11/19 11:38 PM
02/11/19 11:38 PM
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 870
Texas
S
SBJ Offline OP
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SBJ  Offline OP
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Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 870
Texas
Taking life one day at a time. This past weekend I was out with some friends, one of which is a psychologist, and she brought up the ex. I actually had to shut her down because I really didn't want to get into it. I had had a few drinks already, but that was the last thing I wanted to discuss while having dinner and trying to enjoy live music.

The gist of it now is that the ex now has an OM that is as this so-called friend put it...a sugar daddy. Took her on a week long ski vacation. She kept it all secretive.

My mind tells me to simply move on with my life and find someone that appreciates what I bring to the table, but my faith and my hear says otherwise.

Is it time to totally drop the rope and all expectations? Maybe so.

Anyway, I'm heading out of town this weekend to help my dad out after a procedure he is having. Please say a prayer for him as he is totally nervous. I feel all will be fine, but it is nice to have prayers anyway. You are all awesome.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Re: From the other side (#10) [Re: SBJ] #2836849
02/12/19 02:29 AM
02/12/19 02:29 AM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,637
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DejaVu6 Offline
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DejaVu6  Offline
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Posts: 1,637
Hi SBJ.

I hope your dad gets through his procedure okay. Often times, the anticipation is worse than the actual procedure itself.

Sorry to hear about your wís secret ski trip with her sugar daddy. Ironically my H is going on a ski trip as well. He says with his buddy. Doesnít matter at this point. He does what he wants...always has.

Re: dropping the rope and expectations. Yep. Thatís number one on the list. Expectations just set us up for more hurt. It doesnít have to include looking for a replacement right away, though. It is more about figuring out who you are outside of the marriage and taking time to heal. It takes time and it can be very tempting to start dating and distract yourself from feeling the loss of your marriage. Believe me, it has crossed my mind more that a few times that it would make things a heck of a lot easier. But generally when you have the choice between doing something as important as this the easy way or the hard way... the hard way is usually the best way. Iím pretty sure I will know when I am ready for dating. Right now Iím just focusing on my kids and working on some of my GAL goals. Anyway...we are all different. You should do what is best for you. (((HUGS)))


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: From the other side (#10) [Re: SBJ] #2836875
02/12/19 12:41 PM
02/12/19 12:41 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,603
Southern Maryland
job Offline

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job  Offline

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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,603
Southern Maryland
I will keep your dad in my thoughts and prayers. I'm glad you are going to be there to support him.

I think you are very wise to drop the rope and continue moving forward.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Re: From the other side (#10) [Re: SBJ] #2837030
02/12/19 10:56 PM
02/12/19 10:56 PM
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 273
Texas
S
sjohns6 Offline
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sjohns6  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 273
Texas
SBJ,

I know how you feel. I wanted to weigh in on the whole dating thing. DejaVu is right. It is tempting to start dating, but I suggest not doing it. I went ahead and started dating a girl. I really like her and she is an awesome person. The first couple of dates were nice and the distraction was nice. I have to admit, though...I am now kind of wishing I hadn't done it. It now FEELS like just a distraction. That, and part of me feels like I am doing something wrong. I spent a lot of time analyzing why I felt that way because I know that I'm not doing anything wrong, and I'm not sure why it would FEEL like a distraction. I realize now that its because I was not done with my healing process and that even though I am feeling much better, I still don't have the ability to give what needs to be given in a relationship. I kind of hit an emotional wall...so to speak. My feelings for this girl developed to a point, but at this point I should be in love with the girl. I really like her, but its kind of a dull feeling to be honest.

Not sure if any of that made sense or not, but I wanted to give my 2 cents since I had it to throw in.


Me: 42 yrs
W: 39 yrs
Together: 21 yrs
Married: 15 yrs
Son: 16 yrs
Daughter: 14 yrs
BD: Jan 2017
Re: From the other side (#10) [Re: SBJ] #2837058
02/13/19 01:12 AM
02/13/19 01:12 AM
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,148
G
Gerda Offline
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Gerda  Offline
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Posts: 1,148
SBJ, glad to see you though sad to hear what you have to say.

Don't you find it odd that a person supposedly expert in human emotions would choose to bring that up to you at a dinner where you were having fun with friends? How could she possibly think that would help you in any way whatsoever? That part of your story is the only part I would allow to affect your path -- by never hanging out with that "friend" again!

As far as your W -- Do you really think that relationship is built on anything but sand? If you had said she had found a really mature, kind, good man of faith similar to you, okay. But otherwise, this is just more running. It doesn't really change anything and that relationship is obviously not going to last. So it's still just a matter of whether you are still willing to wait it out, and if you can bear the thoughts that might be haunting you about that relationship. I get it, believe me. I was smoking a pack a day when I was contemplating that stuff.

I am in daily battle with my willingness to stand. But I can't avoid the call I feel that God has put on my heart.

I'm reading Man's Search for Meaning for a course I am teaching in a prison. It really reminds me that the point is not to control the darkness, but what choice you make as you walk through it.

Last edited by Gerda; 02/13/19 01:13 AM.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Re: From the other side (#10) [Re: SBJ] #2837234
02/13/19 09:42 PM
02/13/19 09:42 PM
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 2,597
USA
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Gordie Offline
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Gordie  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 2,597
USA
SBJ

How was the trip?

How is your dad?


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Re: From the other side (#10) [Re: SBJ] #2837405
02/14/19 08:34 PM
02/14/19 08:34 PM
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 870
Texas
S
SBJ Offline OP
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SBJ  Offline OP
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Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 870
Texas
Sitting in the hospital right now. Waiting to hear. He has to stay overnight. Trying to get together with sjohn and vapo tonight if available. If not I guess I can find a barstool of my own somewhere and be my own Valentine.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Re: From the other side (#10) [Re: SBJ] #2837411
02/14/19 08:52 PM
02/14/19 08:52 PM
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,148
G
Gerda Offline
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Gerda  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,148
I hope things will go very well for your dad. It is so good for you and for him that you are there with him.

I know it's not really quite the same to have God as your Valentine but don't forget about that one!

Meanwhile, you deserve something extremely sweet. I am sending you a virtual box of chocolates with caramel inside. Also Corinthians 13 but especially verse 12.


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Re: From the other side (#10) [Re: SBJ] #2841644
03/14/19 12:02 AM
03/14/19 12:02 AM
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 870
Texas
S
SBJ Offline OP
Member
SBJ  Offline OP
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 870
Texas
Journaling/Update

Itís been a while since I updated, but things have been busy.

It is Spring Break for sure, but the weather hasnít played along.

The 2 oldest will be on a Teen ACTS Retreat thru our church. They will have the w along with them. Prayers appreciated.

My youngest was planning on going skiing with my in-laws and then they invited me also. Iím flying out to meet them tomorrow morning. Prayers appreciated.

I come back Sunday and then leave Wednesday to Direct a menís retreat in another city the next weekend. Trying to stay busy.

Iím keeping all of my friends here in my thoughts and prayers. Iím following along in the background.

God bless you all!


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Re: From the other side (#10) [Re: SBJ] #2841673
03/14/19 04:25 AM
03/14/19 04:25 AM
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 2,597
USA
G
Gordie Offline
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Gordie  Offline
Member
G
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 2,597
USA
Nice to hear from you

You sound upbeat

You are in my prayers

All the best for your retreat


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Page 3 of 10 1 2 3 4 5 9 10

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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