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Interpretation of scripture can be a real distraction here. IMO

LV, came here to avoid D and R his marriage. Things change. But as has been revealed many many times here, the prudent application of DB methods will benefit the LBS regardless of how the MR turns out.
Without attracting the WW/WAW back, he will not even have the choice to accept W back.

That will be his choice.


M 53 W 54, M since 98
D15, D19
8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM
until 10/14
7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR
12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.

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LoneWlf Offline OP
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RR- Rose- many thanks for your valued input- we may differ opinion at times but we are similar in our love and respect for one another.

One of the Bibles teachings is that we must love Christ more than wife, children, parents, siblings, etc.... (Some do not like the KJV of this passage because it is worded "Anyone that cometh to me and hate not mother and father...etc). But the point is that Christ is first in our lives above everyone else. Non-Christians may not understand that because they think in terms of the here and now, not the next life. Principles are of the utmost importance, no matter what those principles cost us. I admire this about you LW above all else (and there is plenty to be admired!).

Steve thank you - I feel you speak of great wisdom and are willing to share your many blessings. You are greatly admired by myself and all that come here. You my friend are a beacon of God's light.

Having done a lot of thinking -my feeling is that loosing God is the primary reason marriages fail today . In today' s world the simple focus is one self. What about me? What about my happiness? Do what makes you happy .. I am the victim ...I need to only worry about me. The concept of instant gratification - How can I make me more happier? Who is to blame for my misery? In our attempt to reach for happiness and to get from point A to point B in the quickest amount(instant gratification) of time we must point blame on the people or the situation surrounding us.

What we should be doing instead of looking to be happy is to look to be holy. To be more Christ like. If we focus on God and his teachings than we should not fail. If we are constantly chasing happiness. A bigger home, a new, car a better spouse. The riches of the world can make life easier- but you are chasing false idols. If your focus is on God - then as God commanded - you are to be an apostle - a messenger of God and you are to Love unconditionally. To be slow to anger and quick to extend graces. To serve with an open heart- In His own words -Love one another as I have loved you. Look at the beatitudes and how beautiful a message it conveys. Using this as a compass to navigate through life's difficult journey can only give you happiness.

I am not here to present a holier than thou perspective- this is what I choose to believe and respect others views. The bible can be interpreted many ways. It is up to us to live by our code of morals ethics and beliefs.

With love and prayers to you all- Blessings!


M51 w50
T-20Yrs M-16Yrs
S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up
1 Awesum dog
BD 10/31/17
separate rooms 02/08/18
wife moved out 05/17/18

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Originally Posted by Steve85
Originally Posted by Rose888

I believe he said that in order for him to let his wife return, she would have to return to orthodox Catholicism, and abandon her new spiritual beliefs. That is a huge degree of control.


I disagree 100% with this. This, in my opinion, is a boundary. One that LW is entitled to draw if it is important to him. In fact, I think we would all agree that we all have a similar boundaries. For instance, most people would draw the line if their WAS went off to become a member of a cult. Or of a Satan worshipping sect. Or maybe even a group that believed in and held animal sacrifices. So we all have a religious boundary we would draw, and it is up to each individual to draw that. One of the more common ones today is when two atheists are married, and then one finds religion later. Sometimes that is a boundary for the atheistic spouse that they can't tolerate.

So if one of Lone's conditions for future R is that she give up this new age religion and return to their original chosen faith, I do not see how anyone could tell him that is wrong.


Well I am of the opinion that you are both right. It absolutely is control and manipulation to demand someone follows the same religion as you in order to "stay married". But, if that is important to him then it is his right to demand that. Personally I find it highly amusing that people of certain faiths (particularly Christian) are so convinced that theirs is the only "right" one and have so little tolerance for other faiths when Jesus himself detested religion and was a very vocal opponent of religion. So what did people do? Built multiple entire religions around his rebellion against religion, LOL! The most spiritually engaged, peaceful, loving people I've known were not at all religious, but seemed to have the best grasp of how Jesus wanted us to live.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Thanks you all for your most valued opinions. Just a bit of journaling.

S16 has been doing great by not missing a day of school so far this year! Where he has regressed is his ability to jump start his day often times waking up 30 minutes after his alarm. I posed a simple question to him by asking- How can WE work together so that you are able to get up on time to be able to do your chores( breakfast/feed dog /walk dog/ be ready for school) and not be late? S suggested that he go into the gym with me at 5 in the morning. With a smile on my face I said- I think that is a great idea! Please understand this requires discipline and commitment are you willing to give that? He said yes I'm in.
So today I got up said my prayers had my protein shake and headed out for an hour and 45 minute bike ride. I came home to have a coffee and small bite. I needed to head into the gym to upgrade my membership so that S could come with me and start training- it is cheaper than getting him his own membership. I asked him if he wanted to start today - he said no thanks I'll start Monday. So I head on in the gym it is now 9:30 am. Since my new job is behind a desk and I have limited movements I have been going to the gym at 5 am - so far I have only missed 2 days of working out. Before the job , I would go in for about 9am after I would drop S off at school. So I get to the gym today about the same time as I used to before my job. 3 ladies that would work out regularly come up to greet me - asking where I've been? Now these ladies would come to me during my work outs to chat or to ask for training advice. I said i started a new job and would come in a lot earlier. The one lady looks at me and says- Wow look at you! - you look amazing! the other one says- it looks like you have continued to train but even harder because it looks like you've bulked up more cuz your muscles look even bigger! Now I could not get the smile off my face- but I said you guys just made my day! I will have this smile for the rest of the week! I also met up with a bunch of guys that I would kid around with at the gym and one also commented I look more muscular and asked if i was taking anything. I just said - I'm taking care of me the best I can. I guess I must be doing something right. Anyways what nice feeling ! The rest of the day I will be doing clean up- dog walks, going to the bank and chilling with S.

Tomorrow I have another bike ride- grocery shopping . Church and then meal prep for the week and laundry. Life does not stop for anybody. Know that all you guys are in my daily prayers- Blessings!


M51 w50
T-20Yrs M-16Yrs
S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up
1 Awesum dog
BD 10/31/17
separate rooms 02/08/18
wife moved out 05/17/18

Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 816
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Just checking in.

I know it is good to step away for a bit. We tend to get what we focus on and too much reading these posts can become daunting.


M 53 W 54, M since 98
D15, D19
8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM
until 10/14
7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR
12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.

Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 603
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LoneWlf Offline OP
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RR thanks for checking in.

To sum it all up in one word- BUSY. Work has been busy with an upcoming Dec 31st deadline I have taken on 2 projects and it makes for an interesting journey. Not only do I have to learn the new business but I also need to create marketing materials for it. Let's just say things are getting stressful. As for S - last week he had a parent -student University info session which I attended with him. I said I would reach out to W to inform her and asked me to pass on the message for her not to come because if she showed up he would leave. I said out of respect that I would inform her. I texted W and she just texted me to keep her posted. S and I looked at various schools that had good computer science programs. After finding out that the school that he was interested in wanted to see that he was strong in computers individually and as a team- he said that evening that he would join the computer science team and they would compete in competitions in the new year. Another step in the right direction! W asked if she could come over for more cleanup once last week but with my hectic schedule with work/S/ gym and GAL I could not fit her in.

My poor dog last week followed me into the kitchen without me knowing and as I checked on a pressure cooker it overflowed burning my dogs nose , left ear and left shoulder. Poor guy was burned -had blisters on his face in his ear and it got infected. He is on meds now and recovering nicely.

Last Saturday would have been my 17th wedding anniversary. I went to the gym in the morning - heading to the gym I put on some music only to hear a song that I would often play shortly after BD . Steve85- I think you will like this Christian song by Chris August called "Restore" here are beautiful lyrics. As I hear the music I look into the clouds and see the sun start to peek thru the clouds. I took a moment to thank God and went on to a great work out.

Restore- Chris August

Nobody's growing old together, we've made it easy just to quit
Love has become a negative percentage, why do we bother to commit
We've got a long list of excuses, ways we try to justify
Well, I propose to you the truth is, marriage does not have to die
I know you're feeling like it’s falling apart and it can't go on anymore
But God is a God who knows how to heal so just give it up to the Lord
And He will restore
He said with this ring I promise, and with I do she said forever
But right now if they're being honest they don't know if they'll stay together
Let's fast forward to the future after struggling on their own
They finally figured out they needed Jesus in the middle
Now I'm watching God rebuild their home
I know you're feeling like it’s falling apart and it can't go on anymore
But God is a God who knows how to heal so just give it up to the Lord
And He will restore
The enemy tries to come and divide
Trying to get us to give up the fight
But darkness will always lose out to light
'Cause we've got the power of Christ on our side
I see you growing old together
I pray I find a love like yours
So if you're feeling like it’s falling apart and it can't go on anymore
God is a God who knows how to heal so just give it up to the Lord
And He will restore
Like it was before
You may have strayed off course
But He will restore

In the afternoon I went out to have a nice lunch with my S and my sister.

Yesterday W texted me to do some cleanup on the weekend. I said I could not because Saturday S and I were going to a university open house in the morning followed by a family celebration for my nephew after for the rest of the day. Sunday was for church/gym/grocery/ cleanup/ laundry/ meal prep. In her next text she asked about which University we were visiting and that she wanted to complete the clean up process. I responded by validating saying that I could appreciate that she was getting frustrated and wanted to complete the task but unfortunately there is not enough time in the day for me to do everything. I finished by letting her know that I will work with her to finish this up( all done by text) . She has yet to respond.

This is the reason why I am not posting or responding very often. I apologize for those I have not kept in touch with. I will say that I often do think of you all and that you are all in my daily prayers. With Love and prayers!! LW


M51 w50
T-20Yrs M-16Yrs
S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up
1 Awesum dog
BD 10/31/17
separate rooms 02/08/18
wife moved out 05/17/18

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Glad to hear that your S is facing his future and you been there to support him. Be proud of S LW!


WW H(me): 53
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 18
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That's great LW. Glad you are focused on what you are. Busy is sometimes good. God Bless.


M 53 W 54, M since 98
D15, D19
8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM
until 10/14
7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR
12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.

Joined: Oct 2017
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Lonewlf, it's good to hear you've been busy and active. Congratulations on the job! I'm sure your wife has noticed that you're busy nowadays and realizes you're not sitting around waiting for her to return. There must be wheels turning in her head but it's good you're cooperating with her while not letting her slow you down.

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Glad to hear that your S is facing his future and you been there to support him. Be proud of S LW!

Thanks Neff- I am so incredibly proud of S!

That's great LW. Glad you are focused on what you are. Busy is sometimes good. God Bless.

RR- thanks again ! I'm doing this for S and I to have an awesome life no matter what!

Lonewlf, it's good to hear you've been busy and active. Congratulations on the job! I'm sure your wife has noticed that you're busy nowadays and realizes you're not sitting around waiting for her to return. There must be wheels turning in her head but it's good you're cooperating with her while not letting her slow you down.

Nic- always good to hear from you. W may notice my lack of time but she has not said or shown any interest in R . I'm not so sure what I want also.

Just want to share with you guys I had an awesome day with my S yesterday. First of all my dog is doing much better on meds to help him overcome the burns and infection so we were able to leave him for a few hours while we went to visit the university. On the way there S and I talked about his keen interest in computers. Different aspects of computers he liked. He then said he wants to specialize in computer security. In other words ethical hacking. He said a guy did a presentation at his school about a job where a company hires you to find ways to hack their site. This way the company then will use this to expose possible entry points and make necessary changes. S said that this guy gets paid big money to do this - sorta like a game. We had a hour and a half drive so we spoke a lot about my new job his school and computers. As we were going to this university my S says you know dad I'm not really interested in going to this school i just want to see what they have. I said - please go with an open mind- the worse that can happen is we walk away with a better understanding of what this school can offer. He said OK I'll do that.

First of all this is a newer uni and does not have the big name prestige of the others Universities S is thinking of applying to. It is also much smaller that the other schools. We get on campus only to be greeted by students. We head over to one building where we think cpu sci is . we find out after talking with students that it is cpu sci but a different field. Students were informative and helpful also pointing out being in smaller size classes being feeling more connected with professors and fellow students. they also point us to the bigger building across campus. We enter a newer building greeted by a lady in admissions telling us about requirements which my son at this point can easily make. She shows us the 4 year program and how it starts with networking then onto securities and possibly co op or internship. She the point us to the new hacking, networking and robotics labs. My S face lit up. we head up the elevators to be greeted by the professor who teaches cpu security course 3rd and 4th year. What an amazing conversation. he first started by asking what my S was interested in. Then he proceeded by explaining the different coursed he could take. He opened up how he really liked that fact how parents would take their kids here as an intro to university. Then he said that this could be the best 4 years of his life and that he was setting the foundation to what was to be the rest of his life and that foundation was only going to be as good as the effort he put forth. He advised my S to really be engaged to put all he had and to step up and connect with the professors. He mentioned that often times he would get calls from BIG corporations , government agencies , banks and other industries looking for upcoming talent. With a smile on his face he said often times kids have real secure jobs lined up before graduating. Then he mentioned several of his students did internships in silicone valley and also abroad in Japan & Malaysia learning and gaining valuable experience while getting paid. S says - hey I can do that! - I said better yet be NIKE- Just do it LOL!!! The prof ended by saying he often meets parents and new students with this puzzled look at first- but he finds it so rewarding when they meet again at graduation this time looking excited and satisfied. He later walked us into the Hacking lab and introduced to a 4th year student who told my S he was accepted to the large name University but choose this one because of greater opportunity. He said he has already been offered a job. He also mentioned class sizes here were like 200-300 as opposed to the larger school were people bring binoculars because there is over 2000 people there. My S checked out the labs - talked with more students some giving him some things he may want to start and research. We stayed for about 3-4 hours.

On the way home my S says I never really thought of going to this school but I'm glad we came here to see it today. he then says I'm gonna tell my buddies at school on Monday maybe one of them come here and we can be roommates. I said I was so proud of him that he was making his future a priority that I would do anything that I could to support and ensure that he is successful. He then said _ I'm gonna try and help out too because I'd like to get a summer job this year. I said you are becoming a very responsible young man - thank you for your efforts. We ended the drive with him asking me to listen to some music he made on his computer with a launch pad. I gotta say - It sounded really cool what he made. I also need to mention that - thru all the s#it that this guy has been thru to see him thrive and want bigger successes makes me happy and hopeful!!!

I just wanted to journal because today I consider this a BIG WIN!!!! Thank you all for your prayers!!!


M51 w50
T-20Yrs M-16Yrs
S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up
1 Awesum dog
BD 10/31/17
separate rooms 02/08/18
wife moved out 05/17/18

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