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A Message from Michele
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Re: Figuring Out What Comes Next [Re: DonH] #2834961
01/30/19 02:10 PM
01/30/19 02:10 PM
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LH19 Online
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However, i think you get the feeling I'm a convert and one of this coach's follower's now and that's just not the case. He's got some good points and common sense things but he's very narrow and not what I'd call an expert. In some ways it's like the joke "How to be a millionaire." Then they tell you how..."Okay, first, get a million dollars. Now..." That's kinda what the coach says - only date women who are at least on a 6 or was it 7 scale of interest in you. So in other words, only date women who are already into you and interested. Well, duh, anyone can be successful if the woman already wants you. What about those who you want and need to get them to want you? He doesn't at all talk about that - he says move on, don't even try. Keeping her attraction is more his shtick. But I did learn at least a few things and agreed with others but still disagree with quite a bit. In fact, if Wild Girl is to be believed, it was because I followed the coach (without knowing it) that she lost interest. I don't believe her but that's her story.


M:50 W:45
T:22 M:16
S:14 D:10

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: Figuring Out What Comes Next [Re: LH19] #2834964
01/30/19 02:22 PM
01/30/19 02:22 PM
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LH19 Online
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Originally Posted by LH19
However, i think you get the feeling I'm a convert and one of this coach's follower's now and that's just not the case. He's got some good points and common sense things but he's very narrow and not what I'd call an expert. In some ways it's like the joke "How to be a millionaire." Then they tell you how..."Okay, first, get a million dollars. Now..." That's kinda what the coach says - only date women who are at least on a 6 or was it 7 scale of interest in you. So in other words, only date women who are already into you and interested. Well, duh, anyone can be successful if the woman already wants you. What about those who you want and need to get them to want you? He doesn't at all talk about that - he says move on, don't even try.

DH you could read all the books in the world and it's not gonna help you pick up super models unless of course you became rich based on all the information you learned from reading all the books in the world.

Originally Posted by LH19
Keeping her attraction is more his shtick. But I did learn at least a few things and agreed with others but still disagree with quite a bit. In fact, if Wild Girl is to be believed, it was because I followed the coach (without knowing it) that she lost interest. I don't believe her but that's her story.

Wrong! She lost interest with you because of your two hour phone calls and you becoming her emotional tampon. That would have been prevented if you read the book 10-15 times. Did you notice that on the cruise there were fun filled evenings and what happened you stole another man's punani. A lot different that blabbering back and forth on the phone about your favorite color right? All in the book.

Go read Ballasts thread in Newcomer Section. He may have blown a chance with a new girl he just met because he didn't know the fundamentals in the book.


M:50 W:45
T:22 M:16
S:14 D:10

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: Figuring Out What Comes Next [Re: DonH] #2834989
01/30/19 03:45 PM
01/30/19 03:45 PM
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JujuB Online
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LH 19

Havent read the books so im only basing this on what you are saying.

It totally depends on the girl.

A girl with low self esteem or a girl that maybe likes competing with other girls -like wild girl - yup. I agree with you 100 percent. The more distant, the less available the guy is. The more shes gonna respect him. Games will work on them. Another woman in the background will pike their interest.

But i think that advise would not work on a girl like Josephs, dr. It would certainly not work on me. I like deeper conversations. Makes me feel more emotionally connected. Feeling emotionally connected makes me feel safe and adds chemistry. It is a sexual turn on. If i sense a guy is distancing, im not gonna pursue. Im gonna detach and start thinking sexually about other guys that i can feel connected with. If i sense a guy is out with other women, thats gonna present more like a red flag with me. It will not make me have feelings of attraction for him.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Re: Figuring Out What Comes Next [Re: DonH] #2834998
01/30/19 04:09 PM
01/30/19 04:09 PM
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^^^^, Juju, a very smart, and beautiful educated woman is exactly right.

On a woman such as Juju, Dawn or Myself, the hours of phone calls would not have lowered our attraction level. On a woman like WG, who likes the next shiny thing and uses people, it probably killed it for her.

What really pi$$es me off about the coaches advice is how he generalizes women. Depending on what that woman wants, how she conducts herself, how she trets herself and men, the "advice" will greatly differ from woman to woman.

If I am interested in a guy and feel stimulated mentally by them, I would welcome the hour phone calls (if I didn't have a kid). If I just wanted to use the guy for what he has to offer me, They would drive me away.

I mean, if they guy's goal is to "have, fun, hook up, hang out" (I really hate that saying) then yeah, I would say, keep it short and sweet. But like Juju said , deep lengthy conversations intellectually and emotionally stimulate me and increase attraction for me, just like Juju.

Depends what kind of chicks you guys dig. If you dig the superficial kinds who just want to hook up and hang out then move onto the next when they got what they need, then I think this coach probably has some good advice.

You want a woman on a deeper, more emotional intellectual level, his game isn't going to work.

Re: Figuring Out What Comes Next [Re: DonH] #2835003
01/30/19 04:20 PM
01/30/19 04:20 PM
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I am certainly not the poster child for success but any time a girl has blown up my phone from day 1 and has engaged me in long conversations it has not worked in my favor. I have no problems wanting to make deeper connections but IMO some of it has to do with the interaction level of the woman as well. If she is not reaching out to me on a daily basis then I am not going to engage her on a daily basis either.

The Coaches point about staying off the phone is to have these conversations in person, face to face, to make a date. I do agree with that in theory but that is virtually impossible to do when you have children, parenting schedules, etc. I don't know that I have seen him address that. At times I feel his advice is more for people that are single with no kids and meeting up in person is easier to do.

What I struggle the most with his determining how much to pursue, initiative, and interact without coming across needy, desperate, and giving off the impression I have nothing else going on in my life. I don't have problem on dates, holding conversation, being relaxed, asking questions, escalating, etc. It is all the in between crap that I struggle with.




http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2835006#Post2835006

Last edited by Cadet; 01/30/19 04:31 PM. Reason: Link

Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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