A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


Save your marriage singlehandedly
with Divorce Busting Telephone Coaching
SPECIAL JANUARY OFFER -- SAVE $60
THREE DIVORCE BUSTING TELEPHONE COACHING SESSION FOR ONLY $330

CALL 303-444-7004 or use code: SAVE_$60 in the Divorce Busting Store

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11
Figuring Out What Comes Next #2818263
10/19/18 07:39 PM
10/19/18 07:39 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,865
Midwest
D
DonH Offline OP
Member
DonH  Offline OP
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,865
Midwest
Time for a new thread. While whatever this is with Wild Girl will very likely continue, there is more to the last 3 or 4 months than just her. Hopefully I'll figure out what it is I really want and how to get there - therefore the title of this latest thread.

Here is my latest threadHere is my last thread

Thanks again to everyone who has participated. Hopefully that will continue!


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: Figuring Out What Comes Next [Re: DonH] #2818351
10/20/18 12:13 PM
10/20/18 12:13 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 5,976
L
LH19 Online
Member
LH19  Online
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 5,976
DH,

Let's just agree to disagree but I just want to respond to one of your points. It's the nature of the business to try to sell your book. MWD does the same thing. You can read his entire book for free on his website on this website you get the first chapter.

Good like with WG and btw your Brewers are going down tonight!


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: Figuring Out What Comes Next [Re: DonH] #2818373
10/20/18 04:09 PM
10/20/18 04:09 PM
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,858
J
JujuB Offline
Member
JujuB  Offline
Member
J
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,858
Hello don

Just to clarify. When i said "WG wasnt into you" i did not mean sexually, or as someone to have fun with. I meant, she is not looking at you as a long term, settle down with type of guy.

I really believe that when women find that guy they want to settle down with, they become the clingy, demanding woman that scares you. I know i am stereotyping. And i also know that age and experience and other factors can alter this. But for the most part (of course there are exceptions) i see this dynamic a lot. And then there are the woman that say they are not like that but maybe hide it better in the beginning. They are smarter. They know how to play the game.
(Which ends up being dishonest and leads to other issues) or they just dont know or are not being honest with themselves about what they want.

Now WGs actions are fine for you, as you are not looking for someone to settle down with. There were some sentences in your post that made me think maybe you were looking for more with her. But you indicate that was not so. Just passing thoughts at times.

Now post divorce, there are plenty of guys like you that want to keep things more casual. They want to just have someone to have wild sex with, go on vacations with, and take out when they dont want to feel like a 3rd wheel. Ginger referred to it as cake eating. I dont see it like that, as long as your honest. And I would understand why guys out there would want that. I do know that it can be harder to find quality women that are up for that though.

But women like me and perhaps ginger would want to identify and avoid those types of guys. I am honest in that i am looking for a 2nd chance at a partnership/family. Im 40 and feel like i missed out on that with my ex. In the region ginger and i am from, there are practical reasons to arrangements like that as well. Now at our stage in life in can be harder to find quality men that are up for that as well.

Maybe in the future, i would not want to deal with inevitable negatives of someone. To only be with somone when all is good. To not have to deal with the disagreements, and bad moods, and peeing on the toilet seat. Not having to deal with the grit. On the other hand, it is the sweetest there is something conforting when i see older coupkes support each other through injuries and surgeries and illness (i work as a physical therapist) But i think that grit just puts you on a different level of relating and bonding that some are just not capable of or ready for.

So no wrong ways. As long as everyone is honest.

Regarding asking you about guilt, i was referring more to behaviors that came out with addiction. You mentioned instead of visiting your wife at hospital you stayed home cause of addiction.

My ex was so selfish and cold when i was pregnant and had to go for surgery cause of a cancer growth and then during my subsequent miscarriage. I went to work with a dead fetus in me for weeks and i just never felt like he cared. Im not sure if it was an addiction that made him that way, or if it was just because he was an avoidant or no longer loved me. So i guess im seeking answers from you as a former opiate addict cause i just dont understand addiction. I spent hours on the blue light forum trying to gain insight. Discovered simmilarities (ex was constantly buying immodium, not waking up through alarms, disappearing during snow storms, never having money even though he earned a lot, sexual issues i originally though was unique to ex and stress) but very little talk about how they felt about their relationshiips or failed relationships.

I think maybe i relate to you as a future version of my ex. Like if he is currently clean or becomes clean. (I dont know any more) I cant see him ever wanting a real relationship with someone either.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Re: Figuring Out What Comes Next [Re: JujuB] #2818395
10/20/18 07:51 PM
10/20/18 07:51 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,865
Midwest
D
DonH Offline OP
Member
DonH  Offline OP
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,865
Midwest
Originally Posted by LH19
Good like with WG and btw your Brewers are going down tonight!


I really think things will settle in with WG and me - one way or another. It's seems to be less on my mind everyday. As for the Brewers - don't be so sure about that. We are back at home, Hader is WELL rested and ready to go 3 innings or more. The bats have been quiet and started heating up again last night. It's not going to be an easy win, if the Dodger win at all. I've got a good feeling going into this.

Originally Posted by JujuB
Just to clarify. When i said "WG wasn't into you" i did not mean sexually, or as someone to have fun with. I meant, she is not looking at you as a long term, settle down with type of guy.


I'm very glad you clarified as I am now much more agreeing with you. I think her attraction has lowered - I mean I guess that's obvious. I don't know that she's looking to settle down with anyone. I think she wanted to try or perhaps her friends were encouraging her to try with me. We are just not each others typical in so many ways - not just age. I think her friends and for certain her parents WISH she would find a guy like me to settle down with. Her mom was and may still be over the moon that we are dating. I'm just not her typical type nor she mine, but for whatever reason, that didn't matter as every time we are or at least were together we had an amazing time. Then in between we'd communicate so much. My phone stats were over 1,000 minutes in both July and August and was less than 200 in September!

Originally Posted by JujuB
I really believe that when women find that guy they want to settle down with, they become the clingy, demanding woman that scares you.


I can sort of see that and have experienced it. They lose their normal mojo and start getting sucked in - sort of like I was starting to with WG. And again, I'm glad you clarified or expanded on it all as what you are saying about you and Ginger is EXACTLY what I was getting at. I just don't feel the need nor am I at a point in my life to need those things. I'll end this post with another thought on that.

Originally Posted by JujuB
Regarding asking you about guilt, i was referring more to behaviors that came out with addiction. You mentioned instead of visiting your wife at hospital you stayed home cause of addiction.


While i don't think I feel "guilty" about it, I do feel bad for it. I feel bad that I did it as it would not have been me prior nor after active addiction. That's why I'm trying to impress on you that love avoidant - if I even am one - is separate and apart from addiction. All the things that your ex did to you seem to continue to bother you. Have you ever attended an ALANON group or support group for spouses or family of addicts? I think it would do you A WORLD of good. You would learn so much and you'd feel so much better. It's not too late to do. There is a reason they call addiction a FAMILY DISEASE. It truly is. It's not at all only the addict that suffers - it's everyone in their life. I can not encourage you enough to explore this as I know you'd quickly come away saying and feeling "OMG it was not me, it was him all along" and you would understand so much more.

_________________________________________________________________

As for me going forward... I really think it sort of comes down to this: Using a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is depression so bad you are ready to consider suicide and 10 is the happiest that you could ever imagine. I am a very even tempered guy. I rarely get sad or depressed nor do I get over the top happy. When I was married, I was often at an 8. I didn't dip too low as from my point of view the marriage was great as I was getting everything I wanted. That was not the case for my wife. I lived at a 4 or 5 after bomb drop for several years going as low as a 3 for several months where I actually tried AD medication for a while.

However, for the past years I've been back to a solid 7. I rarely am any lower than a 5 and even that is short lived. Then I was back to somewhat living a life interacting with someone else as we communicated nearly everyday for three months. That in some ways put me back to that 8 and even flirting with a 9 now and then. Wild Girl said the some of the same, telling me how she was coming out of her dark place from six months ago when she found out her ex was having a baby with someone else. So we were both happier. But coming with it, I had 4s and 5s again, including anxiety and such.

So which do I want? Am I satisfied with being pretty happy near all the time or do i want to be REALLY REALLY happy part of the time but that then comes with struggles, sadness, anxiety and stuff - not to mention the risk of another bomb drop and depression somewhere down the road should I really fall for the person and the same thing happens?

I really don't know. I can't deny how much I enjoyed June, July and August. My closest friends could see the different in me as well. But the price was "paid" kinda sorta when it slowed down. The thing is, just like i don't regret getting M and really enjoyed those years, I don't regret the fling (or whatever you want to call it) with WG and it's got me exploring a couple other women as well. I just don't know but that's how I see my dilemma. I think I'm leaning towards the 8s with the 4s and 5s thrown in, but that's easier to say when I've not had it for 12 years and only a glimpse of it three or four times since. I'm nearly just as sure after 6 or 12 months of that I could just as easily say i want to be single again. We often want what we don't have - right?

Therefore, the "perfect solution" for me is someone who wants the same but still wants their independence, doesn't need to see me three or four times a week, doesn't want to change me (yet another thing I loved about WG - she never tried to change me and said so many times). There is not perfect answer. And since I so rarely find someone I'm very interested in - who is also just as interested in me - I've been having the decision made for me. That's where I'm trying to go explore in this thread.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: Figuring Out What Comes Next [Re: DonH] #2818711
10/22/18 09:53 PM
10/22/18 09:53 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,865
Midwest
D
DonH Offline OP
Member
DonH  Offline OP
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,865
Midwest
Well, here's the updates...

I kinda of felt like I had a trifecta going here, game 7 of the playoffs with the Brewers - which I really thought we might win, Tuesday date with online girl and ongoing with Wild Girl. Well, the ante got upped a bit with Wild Girl as what comes in the mail but the final cruise documents and requests for a few more items, like our passport numbers. So I knew if she was going to bail, this was likely going to be the start or at least the hedge.

1. So as many know the Brewers lost so you see I was wrong about that. One Down.

2. I messaged Online Girl this AM. I just stayed very positive saying " I just wanted to check in and firm up something for tomorrow. I kept the afternoon open so let me know what works for you. If you have a favorite place or someplace that you are comfortable with in your area for either lunch or a drink, let me know. If not, I was thinking maybe the [brew pub place] around 1ish? Whichever works best is fine with me. I'm really looking forward to chatting more with you along with I'm sure some good laughs. That was about 5 hours ago now and I've not heard back yet.

3. Called Wild Girl and got voice mail - which has always been more typical than her answering. I then left to get some shopping done and nearly pushed the cart into the shelves when my phone rings and it's her. Told her I'd call her back but needed some additional cruise info - with typical "sounds good" reaction. I called her back after I got home and we had what by all accounts is the same type of discussion we could have had three months ago. Not a single sign of her pulling out - although she's still getting her passport renewed. She gave me the info I needed and we caught up for well over an hour - maybe more like an hour and a half.

So I can relax - she's not bailing on the cruise. That really was my largest concern. I didn't ask her out for anything else but did let her know I'm looking to get tickets for something and will be letting her know. She has a heck of a cold. She's also clearly still struggling with something or somethings. She finally met up with her BFF and she told her the same thing - I've not seen you or talked with you in forever. Ran into her ex love - who I guess pursued her a bit. She's still very clearly hung up on that guy - married with a new baby as he is. He's very clearly just trying to get her back on the side with the same old "we are getting D'd, we never have sex, I don't love her, blah, blah, blah" It worked once for him - right up until his W got pregnant. Whatever, it's her issue - not mine. I stayed clear of last weekend and her potential date - as I'd really rather not know but many of her other stories seem to indicate she's not dated anyone. It's all been the same - family, baby sitting her nephews last weekend, being with her girls, with her friends and working.

So, at least my mind is at ease about not having to rock the boat (pun intended) with the cruise people. She's not even hinting at bailing and at this point I can't imagine she would. I'm sure we'll get together before that but, I don't know, it's clearly not the same - even though it was much the same in that we talked and talked and laughed just like we had always done. But the excitement level for me is just not there - and it almost seems like the excitement level for life with her is not there. She didn't sound depressed or anything, just like she's still struggling with something. That said, I have every belief things will be totally normal when we go - which is somewhat important as spending 10 days with any one person can be trying. I also am pretty sure we'll get together at least a few times prior - just nothing set right now. I didn't want to overwhelm her - especially since she's been more "normal" the last week or two - both on text and on the phone. I'd rather let her come back to me - though friends or FWB really is likely where this ends.

Still need to hear about tomorrow. I really hope OnLine girl doesn't postpone or ghost and cancel altogether. That said, while I'll be disappointed, it won't be any huge deal even though two out of three will have not happened as I hoped they would. At least it's not three for three! Staying hopeful for 2 our of 3. I'll report back when I know!


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: Figuring Out What Comes Next [Re: DonH] #2818722
10/22/18 11:23 PM
10/22/18 11:23 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,547
K
kml Online
Member
kml  Online
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,547
That all sounds like good news.
Would you take a look at my thread and give me your guy's opinion?

Re: Figuring Out What Comes Next [Re: DonH] #2818844
10/23/18 04:46 PM
10/23/18 04:46 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,865
Midwest
D
DonH Offline OP
Member
DonH  Offline OP
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,865
Midwest
Well hmmmmmm looks like it might be 2 out of 3 after all. I had pretty much resigned myself to online girl getting cold feet as I had heard nothing from my date request yesterday morning and since I had proposed to meet in a little less than 2 hours - I figured at best she'd postpone again or just not respond at all then at 11:15 I get inky "that works" or "sounds good" or dine thing like that. Not sure why she waited so long and then so criptic of S response but I'll go meet her. It's about 35 minutes from my house so this better not be my first stand up. I don't think it is but still, from many, many paragraphs to two words... I'll let you know how it goes when I get back. Cautiously optimistic.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: Figuring Out What Comes Next [Re: DonH] #2818845
10/23/18 04:54 PM
10/23/18 04:54 PM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
T
TBSakaJ9 Offline
Member
TBSakaJ9  Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
Go get em DH!!! As The Coach would say.......hang out, have fun, and hook up!! Keep it light, have her do 80% of the talking, and ask her probing questions.......put on a little smell good, just like old times.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Figuring Out What Comes Next [Re: DonH] #2819103
10/24/18 05:47 PM
10/24/18 05:47 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,865
Midwest
D
DonH Offline OP
Member
DonH  Offline OP
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,865
Midwest
Well I'm clearly 2 for 3... if only the Brewers were in the World Series smile

Met Online girl for what was either going to be lunch or a drink. Not being much of a drinker - especially a day drinker - I would have been fine with lunch but she had eaten so the bar it was. She looked totally like her pictures although perhaps a bit heavier - though she did not hide that fact. Came extremely casual and still looked good but again I much prefer natural beauty over huge make up, nails done, hair perfect. Just not into the high maintenance look. I also thought, wow, she either has confidence or is not all hung up on impressing me (or both) which also impressed me.

Personality wise, she is very much my type but that's in good ways and bad. I'll give some details (as if I'd keep it short) but I'll let you know the conversation was non stop, she touched me quite a bit, we laughed a lot and she was in no hurry to leave - in fact we were together for a little over three hours. I was greeted with a very nice hug and that's how we departed - no kiss but pretty good reason why that I'll explain.

So some detail. She's lived quite the life. I give her total points for honesty. In fact dishonesty is one of my very few deal breakers. She was actually too honest for a first date but she had hinted on a few things on our somewhat lengthy emails but then said she'd explain first "if" we meet and then as the emails continued on, "when" we meet and she made good on it. She is still married - RELAX!!!! I do believe her and do understand as I've seen this before. They have not been intimate in 12 years and have not lived under the same roof in 9. She's had several multi-year Rs since. Why not get D'd? Sounds mostly like insurance and financial - and I'm guessing for him, no offical child support, alimony, etc. She was very open about this and even said should anything develop between us, she would want me to meet him so I can see for myself there is nothing going on here. Some might see this as a problem but for someone like me not at all wanting to get married gain, I see it as an insurance policy. LOL So it's really no issue for me - clearly not at this point.

On another positive, she seems rather casual about dating. She also seemed somewhat into me and again said how good looking I am. I really am not that good looking - at least I don't think so. I always describe myself as reasonably good looking - but she begs to differ and I'll let her. smile She touched me somewhat often but very naturally, not like overly sexually, just like she was very comfortable.

So some downside, her three kids have a couple of different fathers even though she's only been married once. She either seems to be too trusting, doesn't chose guys well, attracts drama or (let's hope not) likes it???? I hope it's the earlier ones. I'm surprised she told me about this but it did fit her story of how she came back to this area. She moved back here from Seattle several years ago - in great part because a guy got her to come back. He promised her all sorts of things, including really wanting to have an R with her and she believed him. He's not only no longer in the picture but someone she can't bare to see again. Perhaps it was because she started tearing up and I could obviously see it that she gave me the rest of the story. I grabbed her hand and told her I'm sorry for whatever happened and we don't' need to talk about this on a first date. She said it was okay and pulled up a news story on her phone about a federal agent who is awaiting trial on multiple rape charges. The headlines called him a possible serial rapist with currently three women claiming he raped them. Yep, she is one of the three and he is the guy who got her to come back. He's pleading innocent and claims it was all consensual sex. He's out on $10K cash with an ankle bracelet. Would she have said anything had she not teared up? Who knows? - but here's the first hint at why I didn't try to kiss her.

We had great discussion about all sorts of things. She's very open and honest which I very much connect with. Other than she's somewhat thicker than my typical, she's very much my type looks wise - and was a total hottie until menopause started and she shot up by over 50 pounds. Again, she just blurted it out and is halfway back to her typical weight. Even though she was very honest about a few of her things, and even though it would not be the first time I've disclosed my addiction on a first date, I did not. I will before too long as I'm honest, it's a part of me and it's 9 years in the rear view mirror - plus my Google history can be somewhat easily found.

After about three hours we both said we should probably move along. We had already talked about going to see a musician she enjoys seeing, who recorded in my studio many, many years ago, so I told her I'd find out where he was playing and we should go - which she thought was a great idea. I told her I'm busy all weekend (which I am) but open the following weekend so let's plan on it. I gave him my number (again) and told her to text me so we can connect without me having to go back OLD. I was not even home yet when I got the text. We texted a bit then I said I was going on a walk. I shot her one more text answering a couple questions she had but not until three or four hours later into the evening. She responded right away but said goodnight so that was that. We've not connected since.

Of course, now I've been hearing more and more from Wild Girl. There is absolutely no way she could know I met someone for an afternoon date but isn't this always the way? It is sooooooo ironic, and I told Online Girl this, how I tried for years OLD and never had a second date from it. I gave up several years ago and really only was back to see why I was getting emails and how I could get them to stop and NOW is when I meet someone. Like with Wild Girl, there are red flags - the rape obviously being among them. She says she's first looking for a friend and someone to do things with but I also sense she falls quickly for guys. She seems interested in me - otherwise why stay so long, why text right away, etc. But she also said how she doesn't like it when guys want things so fast, want to get physical too fast, etc. She seems a bit flighty - she actually "forgot" to meet someone for a coffee date on Monday. Her kids were off school and she totally forgot until going to meet me - which she claims she wrote herself a note and blew off friends to meet me - saying that doesn't happen a lot. She said she appologized to the guy but has not heard back. She also had some pretty funny other OLD stories.

Clearly there is something about me that she finds attractive. She could/would clearly be a cruise backup but it's obvious Wild Girl is planning on going and getting more excited about it. Should that change, this OLD girl would be a perfect fill-in. Of course I also wonder, how far do I want to take things, knowing I'm still dating and likely still sleeping with Wild Girl. I don't want to put myself in a bad position. I'll be honest with both of them, but especially at this age, some women get very odd about that. Earlier on Wild Girl said several times I could date other women. When I questioned or pushed her on that - first asking if this was a test and then saying "You really would be fine with me dating someone else?" She said, "You can date whomever you want... I may not ever go out with you again but you can date whomever you want..." I took it as a test. That was in the first weeks and we've not really talked about it since. I am assuming she's hung out with other guys but that is total assumption. I really don't know.

So I'm just taking it day by day. Oh the kiss, I wasn't sure if she wanted it or not. I figured I pretty much knew we were going out again so why risk it. I pretty much already had a real date setup so using sales principles, once you have the sale, don't do anything to ruin it - an unwanted kiss after a meet and greet, especially by someone who has gone through what she has - could have made her think I was just looking for physical. So if or when we go on the real date, that will happen. Like I said, she greeted me with a great hug and grabbed my hand and held it for like 20 seconds within the first five minutes so I'm pretty sure the physical attraction is there.

I'll stop here as I'm sure there will be more and I can talk more about where I sit. It's interesting though how the dynamic is already different - I feel a better fit with Online Girl than with WG but obviously the sexual attraction is not the same level and I'm still very much figuring this new girl out - including watching these red flags. If she's as casual as she claims, it might be another great fit for what I'm looking for. We'll see.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: Figuring Out What Comes Next [Re: DonH] #2820761
11/05/18 08:10 PM
11/05/18 08:10 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,865
Midwest
D
DonH Offline OP
Member
DonH  Offline OP
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,865
Midwest
Had enough items to update a week ago but then have been working full-time like a regular person - WTH! - so really didn't have the time to post. I submitted the project late on Friday so I can first catch up on things - including fixing my hot tub - and then be lazy again for awhile. Plenty to update though.

Sent a picture to Wild Girl a week ago Saturday night as I was downtown. Pic was a place her and I have talked about going. I didn't hear back until Sunday morning and then was told she was at a bond fire and riding 4 wheelers Saturday night - totally her "box". Well then a tell-tale photo went up on social media Monday and if I had to guess she was back again at the farm she was at two weeks ago. Younger farm boys again are totally her "type" All just guesses but two weeks apart for sleep overs was our MO. At least she's not lying to me about it and we never said we were not dating anyone else - with her saying I can and should, so.. Still, of course it bothered me that it appears at least for now I've been replaced and that didn't put me in a good place to be creative but amazingly I still was - and proud of myself for it too. I've not talked with her all week but again more a function of being too busy - yet nothing from her either so... I just clearly need to get in the right mindset about it all.

Went out with the girl from online again Saturday. She is very much a last minute, change plans, just roll with it type of girl - which at least in the beginning can be fun. We met just before 5 for a walk and then were going to grab some dinner and hear a band - or a single musician with backing tracks I won't even get started on what that has done to actual bands. She at first said she was going to watch a movie with D14 so could not stay out late - even wanted at first to meet at 4. In the end, we looked and it was already 10:15. I would have thought it was no later than 7:30. So obviously we must have been having a fun time.

It's hard to gauge. I fit better with her than I do Wild Girl. She's the exact opposite with drinking - had a single beer and then went to water. WG would have downed at least 6 in the time we were there - maybe more. At one point, after she talked about taking her boat out of the water to storage, I said, "I really wish we would have met three months ago." She looked at me confused and said why. I told her because I would have loved to go boating with her. Her immediate matter of fact response was "well it's only about 7 or 8 months until the boat will be back in the water." I thought that was interesting.

She again touched me somewhat often, even holding my hand for 10 or 15 seconds while or after making a point. Yet, we only had a short kiss - she even caught me by surprise - as if almost she knew there sorta had to be a kiss this time and she was going to control it. Now is this a function of her past? Who knows? It's interesting to see the differences with her and Wild Girl. She waits for me to open the door for her where Wild Girl would bust right through it ahead of me. WG would just about rip the check out of my hand - or at least try to where OLG asked "Should i chip in" again more like just a gesture. In both cases I would not have allowed them to pay - although lost that battle with WG on our first "real" date. On the other end, WG and I were making out where OLG is much more cautious. But to be honest, I'm more towards OLG's speed - or perhaps somewhere in the middle of the two. When leaving I did say that I hoped we could do this again. Her response was "I like you" or "I really like you" one of the two. So clearly she's interested. I'm just not sure in what. It also seems as those physically I'm her type.

Things with OLG seems so much easier and natural. I don't worry will I hear from her, I don't have the angst that I did with WG about hearing from her or responses, etc. But I also don't have the level of attraction either. Of course that could totally grow. I found out more and even have references to the guy she was involved with. OMG - this is BIG. and I mean like national level big. The case here involves three women but there are more - one of which has a movie on the story completed. Once I can verify all of this and I see where things go I may share the title here as it's easily found online.

I plan on calling WG tonight to touch base. I just don't want things to get too loose with the cruise looming. It's getting clearer and clearer we are reverting to what she has done with many other guys - see them now and then, do things, stay in touch but not let them get too close. That appears to be the case now with me. I'm in her stable - which again, I'm getting near EXACTLY what I thought and even told people i wanted. I remember saying how I worried about getting through 4 or 5 months of "dating" or having to see the person more than I wanted to just to get to the cruise. This was before I even met or re-met WG. So now it's playing out exactly how I said I wanted it - yet now I'm not wanting it so much. I'm sure we'll see each other and I still think things will be fine. The only concern now would be if she really would fall for this guy - if there even is a guy. Of course OLG could become her replacement - but with starting a new job, it's very unlikely she can get off of 6 days of work two months after starting.

OLG starts her new job two weeks from today. That I'm sure will dampen her ability to see me - working third shift and all. Can't predict where that one might go. Will see. Perhaps all of this is just preparing me to meet the college deen friend of a friend? Who knows? All of it is just a work in progress. At least I feel rather good about it all. I'm fine with WG. I'm comfortable with OLG and enjoying casually dating her - although at least some kisses would be nice. The rest will show itself in time I guess.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004