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LoneWlf Offline OP
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On other thing... Last night W was to come by the house for clean up -but my dog was constantly licking his left paw and it became red and inflamed. So I had to make a vet appointment and needed to make after work because I am new - I texted W I had to do it and needed to reschedule clean up. She texted me last night. thanks for letting me know and please let me know how he ( my dog ) is? . How detailed a response should I give her?- Thanks.


M51 w50
T-20Yrs M-16Yrs
S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up
1 Awesum dog
BD 10/31/17
separate rooms 02/08/18
wife moved out 05/17/18

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Hi Lonewlf, I'd probably say something like "he's expected to make a full recovery" or "he got some antibiotics and should be better in a few days." Something simple like that should do the trick.

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LoneWlf Offline OP
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Thanks Nic, i did not want to give her a full response but I believe she deserves something because she still cares for the dog. Cheers!


M51 w50
T-20Yrs M-16Yrs
S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up
1 Awesum dog
BD 10/31/17
separate rooms 02/08/18
wife moved out 05/17/18

Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 879
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Why not give her a full response? It's her dog too.


Me: 44
H: 44
Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10
Together/Married: 22 years
H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16
H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 153
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LW, i know it’s a little consolation, but at least she still cares about the dog. WW doesn’t even give a damn about ours. She’s the one that wanted them so bad to begin with after our other one passed away. And if you read my sitch, the dog dying was the reason she destroyed her family.


LBH (43) — WW(41)
D(14)

M(16) — T(22)

BD-ILYBIANILWY (JULY 1,2018)
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My W and I still share a dog as well. If anything happened to it, I would tell her all about it. If she cares about the dog (and some people care very much about their pets) it would be overly harsh to deny her that information.

She is asking about how the dog is, so I would tell her what was wrong and what the vet said. You can still keep it brief and business like.


W 34 Me 42
Married 7 years together 8
0 kids 1 beloved dog
BD 4/6/2018
I moved out 4/7/2018
I moved back in alone 8/05/2018
I file 3/06/2019
D official 5/7/2019
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LW, until you are done punishing your W, you both will continue to suffer.


M 53 W 54, M since 98
D15, D19
8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM
until 10/14
7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR
12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.

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LoneWlf Offline OP
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update

I have not been here much because I have been really busy with the new job. There is so much to learn. S and I continue on our path -I recently got S a small accessory he wanted for his computer because he has not missed a day of school and has done all his homework and assignments. He was happy. My W came over yesterday for more clean up - S stayed upstairs in his room doing his homework the whole 2 hours. W seemed better and was even joking with me at times . We had some small talk about my new job, the dog but more detailed talks about S. I made sure to validate where I could and give her as much info about sIt seemed very relaxed no tension. She did bring back empty boxes for me from her move saying that I could use them when I move. Anyways no R talks. Just same old same old. Really no feelings either way - no butterflies no anger just blah. One other thing that happened was when I told S that W was coming over - I said he should not keep all this anger pent up inside. I also asked him why he choose to stay with dad? He said because he is mad at mom and that he could learn more from dad. I then asked - what has mom taught you all these previous years. He said " nothing" . I said what has dad taught you. He said to work hard - give it your all and never quit". Lastly I said If you are so mad at mom - is there room in your heart if she wanted to to come home? He said -yes I want my family back. So I left it at that. I'm still plugging away and doing my best. Thanks all for all your support- Blessings!


M51 w50
T-20Yrs M-16Yrs
S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up
1 Awesum dog
BD 10/31/17
separate rooms 02/08/18
wife moved out 05/17/18

Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 879
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Posts: 879
Congrats on the job.

The conversation with your son makes me cringe. I look forward to the day when you have enough self-esteem not to need your son to compare you to your wife in order to make you feel good about yourself. That whole conversation was damaging.


Me: 44
H: 44
Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10
Together/Married: 22 years
H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16
H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 816
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I agree with Rose.

This contempt is bad for S. Passive aggressive is still aggressive. It's bad for your sitch. It sacrifices control, which IMO is most probably the cause of your MR problems. I fear you have channeled this need for control onto your S. You feel in control when S is performing correctly and thinking correctly. What about accepting these people as they are?

I'm telling you because it does you no good to hear anything else. As your advocate.

I will pray that your heart is softened.


M 53 W 54, M since 98
D15, D19
8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM
until 10/14
7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR
12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.

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