Hi Lady V , just reading your last post and I have always thought the opposite in that the less you focus( over think) on something the more you are in touch with the real you and not thinking from within your ' programs ' or ( bad ) life experiences. I think someone once said ( Petterson or Confucius ??) life is simple but we insist on making it complicated. This to me is overthinking, analysing when there is no need to , etc. In touch with your higher power , for me, is living in the now and experiencing reality and not living in the past or future to any real degree. I spend a far bit of time in meetings and it's amazing to watch people and i try and see their ' real ' persona as opposed to what they are trying to project. We all have egos but it's seeing that ego for what it is , more like a separate part of us and not a healthy part in lots of ways. For example , the minute I hear someone call themselves ' a strong person ' , i wonder who they are telling ? , and i think often they are trying to convince themselves more than others, again ego. Would a strong person need to state it and how many people would consider themselves weak ???
Anyway , just my thoughts , im off to instruct at my meditation class !!!!!
Hi Lady V, you are strong, very strong, you also have had to live through an unbelievably hard , abusive situation which , of course , tested that strength and proberbly put doubts about your strength in your own mind.
Mindfullness is the ultimate goal i believe and while we all believe we are strong, those that feel the need to say it are doing so for themselves and maybe not in a negative way but maybe more in a self enforcing way.
As I have said before , my own faults / weaknesses are plenty but that doesn't preclude me from observing others faults / issues.
There was a poster, Ghost, who would not self examine or see his situation for what is was for such a long time that he seemed a lost hope but slowly , very slowly he started to look at himself and he was making great strides last time he posted. I see others on here that won't look at themselves or they want to keep heading down cheeseless tunnels.
I think Petterson ( maybe Socrates ) said, 'the unexamined life is not worth living ' and for those that find themselves here , this is so true. Some of us ( myself included ) where comfortable in our M and were shocked when we were faced with our partners behaviour but on reflection, is it ever 100% the WAS fault ? When we perceive ourselves as a good partner , we may well be but was good, enough ?
Anyway , 2 more points , i dont think I could post about strength without mentioning Sotto , who i know sometimes believed she didnt have strength but showed alot on here what true strength is and secondly yourself, your strength is evident is every post about yourself and to others. You are lucky that you carried your Pas genes but also your own fortitude in very , very tough cricumstances came from a deep strength of character. Thank you for been a tower of strength and support to so many on here and to myself personally. Your a true lady in every sense of the word.
I adore my faults and weaknesses now. They are my opportunities for growth and development.
RD, I am particular fan of Ghosts, his endurance for his M, stubbornness in holding on to his dream of family was endearing. I have to tell you Ghost is much happier now and has a new life.
The quote is also Socrates. Ps most memorable quote was on gay marriage and women being more amenable than men and thus not earning as much.
This (apart from P) is where we disagree most I think, I exclusively think this the wayward is responsible for waywardism, we don't make them drop their knickers or test the trouser snake because our closets are messy, we serve the wrong pasta or aren't oriental. They choose to escape their pathetic existence by distraction. They choose not to deal with compulsion and addiction. That has nothing to do with the LBS. Really our faults made them put our sexual health at risk for a quick dopamine hit or two?
With walkaways it is quite different though.
Do I believe that we should look to ourselves and our faults? Yes of course. I have high standards for myself and those in my life. I look to aged pa and ma and see those applied. I so miss my aged pa who I loved so much and whose dignity was there until the end. No flies on aged pa.
I am slowly turning to the idea of 'I am enough' which I am working through using the tools given by Marissa Peer. I think we forget that some flaws are not fatal and some are endearing. Most are every day things, perfectionism gets in the way of performance in life, we achieve through our strengths.
RD there is something so remarkable about being a family man and connecting with your kids in the way you do. The ability to love, hold fidelity and of course teach meditation is wonderful. And you were good enough on the other things. Aged ma and pa were comfortable in their M and tolerant of foibles. That's an M. And as it should be.
RD you too are a tower of strength in our tribe. I love Sotto very much for a long time I just followed her around the board agreeing with her wisdom. We must all meet up very soon. I recently met with Old Dog who is bass guitarist in a band, amazing. Such wonderful peeps.
RD your only minor flaw is that you didn't introduce me to Liam, (You are both Irish) and now he has a gf. So now I have to find a new heart throb crush.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Your posts are always so lovely and I'm so glad to come back and read them. They always make me, somehow, feel better, even when you are being so open about not so pleasant issues. I'm sorry you have been ill, but you are always such a tower of strength and self-assurance and that comes through in all of your posts. Though I don't know you outside this forum and likely never will, it is so wonderful and amazing to know that there is a Lady V out there somewhere. You rock, lady!!!!!!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids