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For me it isn't about dating, I cope fine with it. It is the cPTSD that exists because of the G raging.

Ever seen a full grown man behaving like a two year old and having a tantrum when they can't get their way. Terrifying. It was of the few things I agreed with Petersen on.

But it's in my head. If I told you I never looked in a full length mirror since marrying the G but now I can? Or that I can't undress in a changing room for sports or buying clothes? That's on my open sore list, go shopping and try clothes on in a changing room. I currently use eBay and supermarkets. Until recently I hadn't a clue how I looked from the head down. I obviously use a mirror to brush my teeth.

I started wearing makeup again recently, the G always said I looked a mess with it on. But hey, guess what? I don't. I bought some lilac eye stuff as recommended for green eyes. I also went to a department store had a free makeup lesson and bought some products. I now have a professional manicure, the G said it was a waste of money.

One of my open sores was tackled I went to agent prov and had a proper bra fitting and bought some naughty underwear!

I have a bad broken vein on my leg so tomorrow I go to the surgeon for a consultation on it.

Although I do take extreme care of me, food, exercise and bits, doc dentist etc. And of course I do groom too.

This is to lift me to the next level. Get rid of the shackles. I can't move forward to the new until some of these open sore issues are resolved.

And I started finding the cash for a massage once a month but that stopped as I started paying my L. I will return to that.

I am also learning new dances.

There is lots to come, a burlesque class for instance.

I am determined even though it isn't as natural to me as it once was.

And yes, I am 12 lbs overweight and I don't like it, but it is about health for me as I am a diabetic (type 2).

Actually I am on a date tonight! I am playing the field as they say, learning how.

At 63 I had never been on a date. All of my R started with friendship not dating. And in the last 6 months I have dated more than in the rest of my life. I am awful at it, but getting better.

It's a new skill set to learn.

And no sex yet as none of my dates have reached that stage.

Now that will be an open sore issue!

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Originally Posted By: Vanilla


And no sex yet...

Now that will be an open sore issue!

V


Two sentences that should not be used together (ideally), might need to change the title of your quest when addressing sex, lol

Glad things are going so well for you V. I do have a question though, in one sentence you mention not being comfortable using a fitting room to try on clothes, but then you mention getting a proper bra fitting (which I assume means someone was helping you with fit). Did you just work through the discomfort or was it different since you were working with measurements, etc?


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
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Lol Coconut - good point!

My exH was excessively critical, but I always knew his view of things was skewed and didn't really let it affect me - I knew his self-talk was even more critical than what I got. (One example - reviewing photos after our honeymoon, one shot of me in short shorts, hiking the Swiss alps, taken from below with all my weight on one leg - of course I had a little saddlebag on my thigh. I was actually UNDERWEIGHT at the time, 5'6" 118 lbs with ribs that stuck out, but H had to comment on my thighs. His friend came to view the same photo and his first comment was how hot I looked in that picture!) So I always knew ex was not a good mirror and really didn't take in much of his negativity.

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Originally Posted By: Coconut
Originally Posted By: Vanilla


And no sex yet...

Now that will be an open sore issue!

V


Two sentences that should not be used together (ideally), might need to change the title of your quest when addressing sex, lol

Glad things are going so well for you V. I do have a question though, in one sentence you mention not being comfortable using a fitting room to try on clothes, but then you mention getting a proper bra fitting (which I assume means someone was helping you with fit). Did you just work through the discomfort or was it different since you were working with measurements, etc?


The sex and sore was intended to be funny!

In a bra fitting it's V and the fitter only. They measure you then get you to try different bras for their fit. It's private in a fitting room. A little like V and a sports masseuse.

A changing room is public with any (female) who happens to be in the shop and wants to try clothes on.

So the bra fitting is personal and private (You and the fitter) and the changing room isn't. If that makes sense?

Thank you for asking ?

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Why do guys do this? Rush at things! FFS it's a first date.......

Already getting we could go on a dance holiday.

Just one glass of rose and I have to be hooked up!

Nice guy but far too much.

Thanked him for a great evening. That's it, enough.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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I am feeling a little down today. Went to docs and 2as told I have quite a few issues with my skin.

I think my teeth are in poor condition. So I need more treatment.

Extreme care isn't extreme enough.

I just haven't had the cash for any of this thanks to the G.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Sorry V. Hope nothing dangerous regarding the skin. Would be nice if our bodies were more cooperative!
Any services or financial plans that your dentist can offer?


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I have some manky moles that need to be removed. They can be done on the national health but I will have to wait about 10 months as it isn't a priority. And two of them are precancerous. They need to be removed asap.

It will cost but I will find the cash

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Just when I think I am getting somewhere, the trauma is back. I booked to go on a weekend dance event but today I am paralysed with fear.

It started last night but here I am sitting in my flat not going anywhere.

I have started puking every morning again.

Must get myself together and get out the door.

I hate this trauma stuff.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Sometimes I wonder if our former partners have any concept of the damage that they have done to us. And then I wonder if they care.

I expect the answer to both questions is no.

Vomiting is our body's reflexive action to rid itself of poison.

Those of us who have hung around here post-divorce and post any "hope" try to pay it forward. You do that a lot. I did but not so much any more. Like you've mentioned before, witnessing the fresh trauma of our compatriots is triggering for us. It can also be healing. I'm sure that there are studies out there that demonstrate that altruism has positive benefits for both parties.

Can you name the poison your body has recognized and is ridding itself of?

Be kind to yourself. Stay hydrated.

((V))


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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