You seem to be struggling. Looks like PTSD big time to me.
Are you sleeping - properly? This can be a big thing. Bad dreams, noises. If you are struggling try googling boiled banana. Very good like knock out drops - it might just help and it is just water and a banana.
Sounds like you might need to get a holiday lined up with a friend.
Last edited by job; 06/23/1810:26 AM. Reason: Removed numberical identification for special character
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.