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#2794702 06/07/18 01:23 PM
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JujuB Offline OP
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Good Riddance 2017

Don, why would you be able to love a child but not a partner? Why is it so hard to love again? I feel this too, so im just asking not trying to psychoanalyze you or anything.

Ginger, you said something about making a new life. I think maybe it still feels wrong. Like its still hard to accept that my ex is not in my life. That new life will be with someone not my ex. It cant be with ex and thats not because of my choices. Its done. Its over. An elected death.

He is the one that unilaterally made the decision to leave. I never found proof of cheating. I am pretty sure he had some casual relationships after we had separated. But no one that really seems to have lasted. (Again purely speculative based on sons descriotions of playdates with moms who i assume are single and kids that are not his age)

I dont have hard core proof that it was drugs although everything points this way. Except that he got a raise at work and looks good.

I was fantasizing that we were made to live together by some outside force. How i would not be able to sleep with him, or even eat a meal with him because of how uncomfortable it would be. Yet it still was something i would want.

But i do miss the old times and how our lives should have been.

I dont know if it was drugs that made him abandon us. I just dont have real info like everyone else on these forums. Or like other partners on the drug forums. If he didnt cheat. If it was a disease can i really hate him? Is it fair to villify like i could if he cheated.

When i believe he did nit cheat, nut had a drug problen i still love him. If he cheated on me i would not love him cause i would have no sympathy for a cheater.

Its all me putting puzzle pieces together. I think if i knew for sure it would be easier.








Last edited by job; 06/07/18 11:26 PM. Reason: added link to previous thread

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JujuB #2794735 06/07/18 10:36 PM
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I think what im saying is that NG is my plan B. And I am his plan B as well. So maybe its harder to love in those situations?


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JujuB #2794926 06/08/18 11:56 AM
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Ugh. I just remembered this one family party pre BD in which my ex was talking so sweetly to my gorgeous and significantly younger cousin. At the time i felt so hurt and angry because he was talking to her the way he talked to me at one point. But he knew her when she was under 10.

F. Him.

Sometimes you are better off with plan b's, no?


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JujuB #2795059 06/09/18 07:12 PM
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Originally Posted By: JujuB
I think what im saying is that NG is my plan B. And I am his plan B as well. So maybe its harder to love in those situations?


No this isn't so Ju.

Neither of you are going back to R with dingbat wassocks. That's making each other Plan B.

Whathe you have is a DRAFT plan A. Plan A in the making, provisional tentative, negotiating the clauses. Except in this case it's a Plan A with negotiation.

Nothing wrong with that.

Real true love (not limmerance) takes a long time. Don't knock it.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


JujuB #2795060 06/09/18 07:15 PM
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Originally Posted By: JujuB
Ugh. I just remembered this one family party pre BD in which my ex was talking so sweetly to my gorgeous and significantly younger cousin. At the time i felt so hurt and angry because he was talking to her the way he talked to me at one point. But he knew her when she was under 10.

F. Him.

Sometimes you are better off with plan b's, no?


He was Tring to Seduce her? It is the first time you have mentioned exWH using pacing and hypnotic trance techniques.

Will reserve until after my exams but I have some clean questions to ask.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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I dont know if he was trying to seduce her. I just always noticed that his tone was consistently nicer to her then to anyone else. No one in my family ever noticed it, (they would have told me by now) but i did. Especially at the end. When he ewas just so nasty to me and avoidant of everyone else.

He was nice to her boyfriend too. I almost felt like he wanted to be their age and related to them.

My cousin dresses super sexy. Like a celebrity. I was like that when i was younger. When i got older, i just wanted to be comfortable and was not as confident about my body as i was when i was an exercise, track/field nut. My ex wanted me to dress up more. And i just wanted to be comfortable.

But i dont know if he was trying to consiously seduce her. She would never go for him.


Good luck on your exams V.


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JujuB #2795139 06/10/18 09:27 AM
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But you know what...i assumed he wasn't cheating, because he was just so asexual with me. Not the flirty womanizer type.

But if he was using a different tone with my cousin, that indicates he was probably like that with other women. He just lost it for me. Or he never really had it for me. I remember him being pretty empty. Kind of like that putty character from seinfeld. So i felt safe that he was not a womanizer. Thats why the tone with my cousin stood out.


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JujuB #2795146 06/10/18 11:23 AM
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By seduction I don't mean sexual seduction necessarily, although it can be.

The G was the same also using physical touch but as a kind of persuasion technique.

With compulsives never assume anything.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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I met someone whose adult daughter and 2 grandkids were living with her. She was telling me things about her ex sil that i could so relate to. How he looked for every excuse to run an errand. Like errands that were illogical and made no sense. Like going to the supermarket to get milk in the middle of the night, when it easily could have waited (i thought my ex was just an ocd engineer). Or how her sil worked so much she could never ubderstand how they didn't have anything.
Check. EVERYONE questioned why we didnt have a house.
Well her sil ebentually ended up in and out of rehab. And doesnt talk to the kids. Thats not my situation. My ex is functioning ok.

But i am sick with anger.

It is really hard to be organized in my parents house. And i cant take it anymore. Everything gets lost. I cant keep track of things. I feel like im losing my mind. I dont have storage space.

I just want my own space.

If i lived on my own, had equity. Something to count on for retirement, none of this would bother me as much.

I went to school. Had really good grades. Got a doctorate in my profession. Waited till i was settled to have a child. Married someone that was an educated professional. And i got screwed.

Here's the funny thing. My ex told me I was the worst thing that came into his life. How he wished he never met me.

Ditto, if it wasnt for my son.

Now i know how bad people in 3rd world countries have it. I get it. I really do. Bit im not in a 3rd world country. I had opportunitites so it feels eben worse that im living like a knocked up teenager cause i married a duplicitous pos.

F. Him. And F. His mother. She had the nerve to send my son a 10 dollar gift certificate to mcdonalds. Wjy not give me back sone of the child support your son never paid me. Or chip in for yoir grandsons medical amd extra curriculars whoch is never given to me. Help me with rent. Since my parents housed her derelict son.

She knows i hate for son to eat fast food.


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JujuB #2795597 06/12/18 01:54 PM
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Ju

I understand the anger. Sweetheart the waste of it all, to be with an addict whose addiction consumes everything. It isn't fair, on you, your parents or your son. Not one little tiny bit.

You have the right to be angry.

If your ex isn't paying can you do an earnings attachment?

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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