Hanging On (Saying ILY Pt. 2)

[AnotherStander]

MTB,

Don't change your plans, give her the invitation. Its still her son. AS talks about detaching with love. IMO it's the right thing to do, to invite your son mother to his party. He will love if she shows up.

^^^Exactly!^^^

joejoe, are you saying that I should call her and invite her, or I should invite her if she calls? Wouldn't me calling her be considered pursuit?

Call her, tell her your plans and invite her along. When it's something like this for the kids then IMO it's not pursuit. Michele says in one of her books that it is fine to invite a WAS along for something that you are doing whether they go or not. IE, if you're taking the kids to the zoo then you can say "hey we're going to the zoo Saturday at 10:00, you're welcome to join if you wish." Whether she says yes or no YOU STILL GO. That's the difference, it's not a "date" if you're going whether she joins or not.

[mtb1981]

I think I'm gonna wait until after I get off work to see if she contacts me first. Not gonna lie, the thought of spending time with someone that's cheating on me, lying to me, and treating me like crap kind of turns my stomach. On top that, S8's birthday was a month ago, and we went out for dinner that night too. I called and invited her, she said she would go, then came up with a BS excuse to ditch at the last minute. I'd hate for him to feel bad bc mommy can show up for his brother's birthday, but blew him off. That being said, I do agree that I should at least extend an invite, but I'm gonna wait until I get off work and give her the chance to contact me first...

[mtb1981]

W just sent me a text saying "Happy Birthday". I just replied with "Thanks"... This has been the first contact since Saturday night when she showed up being all nice...

[mtb1981]

Just got another text from W asking what my plans were for tonight because she wanted to see the kids and celebrate S3's birthday. I told her we were going to have dinner at 6:00 and she was welcome to come...

[OrangeK]

Good move MTB, Let us know how it goes for you~!

[mtb1981]

Well... She texted back at 4:30 and said she would meet us at the restaraunt. Next thing you know, she's pulling in the driveway at 5:00. Said she "had some stuff to do" and wouldn't be able to make it to dinner with I us, and asked if she could come by tomorrrow to pick up the kids and take them out for dinner. I told her that was fine. She spent about 10 minutes talking to the kids, and I went outside. She came out and asked if she could join me while she smoked a cigarette. I said sure. She said she wanted to grab a few pairs of pants from the house because the ones she had didn't fit anymore. She was being really pleasant again, but that was about to change...

It didn't take long, and she asked me for the $2000 again. I flat out told her no. She claimed she talked to a lawyer earlier in the day and they told her she was entitled to half of the tax money, and she was being nice only asking for $2000. That if she wanted to, she could take half of everything. I informed her that also included half of out debt too. $15000 in credit card bills, and another $10,000 we owed to my parents from a loan they gave us for the down payment on our house. She said she understood that, but wanted the $2000 now because she needed it to buy things for her new place. I again told her no...

I fibbed a little and told her that the money was all gone. That I had given it all to my parents to pay off some of our debt. That there was none left and to quit asking for it. At that moment, my mom pulled in to drop a birthday present for S3. W went and asked her if I had given them the money to pay off the debt, and my mom told her I did. She tried telling my mom that half of that money was hers, and my mom explained that she still owed them money, so it really didn't matter. This made W mad, so she said she was leaving...

I asked her if she still wanted some of her clothes, and she said yes, so I opened the garage door so she could grab the clothes I had already packed into garbage bags for her after the police incident on Friday. This made her even more angry, but I just kept my cool. She marched into the house and to the bedroom, looked in the closet, and realized that I had packed up all of her stuff. Even more angry now. She grabbed a box and strated putting small random decporations and other miscellaneous personal items that I had not packed. I just stood there and watched her to make sure she didn't take anything she wasn't supposed to. This made her even more angry."Are you just gonna stand there and stare at me the whole time?".... Yes...

Afetr she filled the box, she went back outside and started putting the bags from the garage in the van. She told me to leave the door unlocked tomorrow so her and her friends could come by and grab the rest of her stuff (A shelf and deep freezer that her mom had baught us). I told her no. I didn't want her and her friends wandering around my house while I wasn't there. She said fine, that she would just bust a window and break in because the cops said there was nothing I could do if she did. She then asked for the title to the van which is in my name only. I told her no. That I would give it to her after she got the rest of her stuuf out while I was there sometime if my windows were still intact. I was then called every name in the book. I just smiled and nodded. When she was done ranting, I told her to give me a call nect time she wanted to stop by and grab her stuff. She got in the van, told me to eff off, and peeled out of the driveway. Ain't life grand?...

[mtb1981]

What I did last night is very anti-DBing, but I think I'm over trying to save this. I'm tired of being used and lied to. W told me she has nothing to do with OM and that she doesn't want anything to do with him, yet last night I was informed that the van was parked at his house. The van is in my name, I pay the registration and insurance, and I really don't want any of my resources being used for her to see OM. So, I got a ride over there and took the van back. Parked it in my garage where she has no access to it. This morning, she called and wanted it back I told her exactly what I typed out above. If she wants to run around with OM that she denies running around with, he can pick her up and drop her off, but I'm not paying for her transportation to screw around. So I had to deal with the police again this morning. They told me that since the van was in my name, she had no rights to it. They just needed to stop by to make sure I had it and it wasn't stolen. They apologized for bothering me and left...

[OrangeK]

SHe is shooting herself in the foot over and over again.

Keep your composure and keep up the good DBing.

I have a similar situation to deal with tomorrow. Court for a trumped up BS Crim Mischief charge.
At least you have the law on your side MTB. I am already being assumed guilty of something I didnt do.

[OrangeK]

I agree that i am getting to the tipping point of not wanting R at all myself. Im just so angry at her manipulative BS and lies. She still has a whole camp thinking she is perfect and innocent. Its enough to make me sick. The only thing keeping me going is i know that she will eventually burn EACH and EVERY one of those bridges. With her Job, new friends, and OM. All will be manipulated and discarded eventually.

[mtb1981]

I gave the van back to W last night. After a lot of thinking I came to the conclusion that I wanted W to know that I knew where she was at. Otherwise, she would have continues to lie and deny being over there. Even if I just drove by and saw the van there with my own eyes, she would have denied it. She will only admit to something if she is caught in the act, otherwise she just lies through her teeth. I packed up the rest of her stuff and put it in the van. Called her and told her that I never wanted to really take it from her, but I needed her to be honest with me and knew that would be one of the few ways she would come clean. I told her that she needed the van to be able to look for a job, and her and OM could do whatever they wanted from this point on. No more point in trying to hide it. She thanked me for giving her the van and was very cordial. Admitted to hanging out with OM a lot in the past weeks, but they were "Just friends". I told her I didn't care what they were. It's none of my business anymore. She mentioned something about things between us working out in the future, aand I told her that was something I am not interested in right now. Kept the convo short and sweet. I think this is the first time she has realized that I am done with the M. She said she wanted to see the kids and would be back later in the evening to see them. She never showed up...