Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 8 of 10 1 2 6 7 8 9 10
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,669
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,669
MTB

GOLD FREAKIN STAR FOR COMPOSURE!!!

you handled a volatile and chaotic situation with dignity and poise.

I feel like out WW's are cut from similar cloth, and where i cannot speak with my W right now, i have been using your sitch for a touchstone on what could go wrong when we can.

I seriously am so damn impressed by how you handled that man.

I had to do the same thing with W's belongs for the most part and she fought me each step of the way, and throw all our sentimental items in the trash. Like our entire wedding and her wedding dress, HER family photo albums and much more.

They completely lose all sentimentality. its nuts.

Keep us posted man, youre doing great. your kids will know who the solid person is here. you are one to be looked up to.

Strength to you brother.


M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4
All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18
-----------------------------------------------------
2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD
2 Major breakups.
2 Rebounds
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
mtb, nicely done my friend. she is so desperate and near rock bottom. i figured she'd end up holed up at OM's house. Wait until he gets tired of her. it's coming. then she will hard press you to let her move back home.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,132
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,132
MTB,

Remember when a person loses control of a person that they have been controlling for a while, they start losing control of themselves.

Dont be surprise if she tries to break in the house.

Great job staying composed. The cops saw your composure and knew who was out of control and needs help.

Stay prepared for your kids and the steady craziness coming.

She's not at the bottom yet.


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 616
M
mtb1981 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 616
W stopped by the house Saturday night (day after the cops showed up). Her demeanor was completely different. Asked me if I wanted to talk. I said not really, but chatted with her for a bit. She was overwhelmingly nice. Wanted me to look at the tires on the van because the tread was really worn. Asked how much new tires cost. Wanted to show me the matching tattoo the her and BFF just got, and some little keychain trinket she bought. I really didn't have much to say, so I just let her do all the talking. after about 5 minutes, she got a text, and said she had to leave to pick someone up, but she still wanted to talk to me and she would get ahold of me on Sunday. She never did, and I'm fine with that. I find it extremely odd that she went from completely mad on Friday and calling the cops to being overly sweet on Saturday wanting to chat me up. Not sure what's going on with this flip flop behavior. I assume she's just trying to butter me and ask for money again...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,152
Likes: 1
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,152
Likes: 1
Wow MTB, this is a real page-turner, LOL! First I'm sorry you're going through this, it must make you feel a little crazy yourself sometimes. Second, congrats on how you are handling everything, you are doing an excellent job of being a rock in all this madness. I just caught up on the last few pages and honestly don't see a single thing you did wrong, so well done!

Regarding the suicide threat, I wouldn't be surprised if she played that card again. And even more concerning, she might actually try it if she feels like she's not getting the reaction she wants. If she says it to you then take it seriously. One of the guys here had a crazy W who called him and ranted and raved and said she was going to kill herself, then I think she headed to his house. He called 911, told them where she was going and what her car looked like and they arrested her while he and the kids looked on and put her on suicide watch in the hospital. That is EXACTLY how such a situation should be handled, so if she goes there with you then seriously consider calling 911.

Good luck and hang in there!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
Another thing to remember is her alcohol and drug use. WWs are erratic enough without those fueling even more erratic behavior.

But yes likely she hasn't given up on the money. Thus the niceties and then the not so subtle tire hint.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 616
M
mtb1981 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 616
Thanks for the support and advice, guys...

The past few days I've done A LOT better with detaching. I relize that she doesn't want to be with me tight now, and I'm fine with that. The more I think about it, shehas some major issues to work on that don't deal with me at all. A lot of it is her drug abuse. For years, she has struggled with addiction. I did my best to be supportive and get her help, but in her mind I came across as controlling and trying to tell her what she could or couldn't do. Not gonna lie, I was very adamant on her staying sober. She was in a good place before she got the bartending job, but being in that scene and living that lifestyle, the drugs came back into the picture. I think she felt the need to leave so she could live that lifestyle without any interference from me because she knew I wouldn't approve. W can't stand to be alone, so the majority of her time was spent at the bar or with other people that were doing drugs too. She doesn't like to be by herself, because then she has to deal with her thoughts. I guess it's easier for her to keep herself occupied with people that are supporting her decision to get high and leave her family...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 616
M
mtb1981 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 616
Also, tomorrow is my 37th birthday and our youngest son's 3rd birthday. I'm assuming that W will try to contact me at some point to see if she can come by to see him or take him to do something. I was planning on taking the kids out to dinner to celebrate our birthdays. Do I just tell her we already have plans and she can see him when we get back, or should I invite her to go along with us? I don't want to keep her from seeing the kids, but at the same time, I don't think I should change my plans...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,132
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,132
MTB,

Don't change your plans, give her the invitation. Its still her son. AS talks about detaching with love. IMO it's the right thing to do, to invite your son mother to his party. He will love if she shows up.


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 616
M
mtb1981 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 616
joejoe, are you saying that I should call her and invite her, or I should invite her if she calls? Wouldn't me calling her be considered pursuit? I really don't mind her coming with us, but I've been doing well with non-pursuit and detaching lately and I don't want to have any setbacks or make myself too available...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
Page 8 of 10 1 2 6 7 8 9 10

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard