Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 10 11
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 603
L
LoneWlf Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 603
Thanks Cadet- would be able to remove all the empty posts?

Her language was physical touch she loves to hug and quality time. On that period of time i kept on getting rejected I was hurting so bad so I withdrew.


M51 w50
T-20Yrs M-16Yrs
S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up
1 Awesum dog
BD 10/31/17
separate rooms 02/08/18
wife moved out 05/17/18

Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 603
L
LoneWlf Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 603
Thanks Steve for your comments

I have read half way thru DR trying now to incorporate MWD rules and trying to GAL anything else that I can do. Did some self reflection and realized i may have been to prideful and controlling. Also did alot of reading to find out that my conflict resolution skills need alot of work. Often times to avoid conflict at all cost-things were swept under the carpet only to create negativity and resentment. If theres anything else i need to do please help.


M51 w50
T-20Yrs M-16Yrs
S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up
1 Awesum dog
BD 10/31/17
separate rooms 02/08/18
wife moved out 05/17/18

Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 816
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 816
Be patient.

What Steve said is true in my M. 50 is a biological threshold for many Ws. The changes she says she is making may or may not happen. Continue working on yourself. Moving closer to becoming the H only a fool would leave. Care for your S and yourself.

You can't fix her. Read and Post and be patient.


M 53 W 54, M since 98
D15, D19
8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM
until 10/14
7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR
12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.

Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 603
L
LoneWlf Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 603
Thanks for the encouragement RR

In this process my s15 have become closer. Although I am trying to facilitate a good relationship[ between him and W- he so angry at her for breaking up the family. I go to the gym regularly and I have lost 40 lbs. I am closer in my walk with God. There are already positives occurring. The only missing piece is my family is splitting.. My wife doesn't see the damage she is doing to my son who already suffers from anxiety.


M51 w50
T-20Yrs M-16Yrs
S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up
1 Awesum dog
BD 10/31/17
separate rooms 02/08/18
wife moved out 05/17/18

Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 603
L
LoneWlf Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 603
Wife was packing this weekend - i pretty much stayed out of her way. The old me would be packing her stuff and carrying all the heavy stuff but as per the DBing I let her be. At one time after I picked up some dinner for us she made a comment on how fast I was to bring dinner back. I jokingly replied i used my private jet! upon which she replied ok then-I want half of that too!( with a smile). My inital goals this week was to get her to say thank you twice a day and to see her smile once a day. The thank you were for her to acknowledge that I had done something positive her since my name brings up negative emotions, I thought this was a way to slowly assimilate my name with positive emotions. So far this week I have been successful 5 of the 7 days. I'm also trying to keep up my positive attitude along with GAL. If theres anything else I need please let me know


M51 w50
T-20Yrs M-16Yrs
S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up
1 Awesum dog
BD 10/31/17
separate rooms 02/08/18
wife moved out 05/17/18

Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 603
L
LoneWlf Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 603
Today I'm feeling very anxious - i'm not looking forward to my wife leaving. I know i need o stay focused and strong for me and my son. How do you get through the moments of feeling despair? What can i expect once she leaves? Thank you for any help.


M51 w50
T-20Yrs M-16Yrs
S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up
1 Awesum dog
BD 10/31/17
separate rooms 02/08/18
wife moved out 05/17/18

Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,152
Likes: 1
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,152
Likes: 1
Originally Posted By: LoneWlf
Today I'm feeling very anxious - i'm not looking forward to my wife leaving. I know i need o stay focused and strong for me and my son. How do you get through the moments of feeling despair?


Well I'm not going to sugar-coat it, it's damned difficult to go through. It's extremely painful. One of the things I really struggled with was constant worry, I worried about all things great and small. Even stuff that didn't make any sense. One thing that helped me was being told to break life down into chunks you can handle. Just get through today. If you start worrying about tomorrow or next week then remind yourself, JUST TODAY and that's it. If that's too much, then break it down into hours or even 15 minute segments. Whatever you can handle. Something else that helped me a lot was just not to give up hope. The more hope I maintained that my sitch would turn around, the easier it was for me to deal with. It may seem ironic considering my ex and I never did recon, but hope got me through the worst of it and by the time I healed, recon was no longer a concern of mine.

Quote:
What can i expect once she leaves?


At first it's extremely lonely. You'll see reminders of her everywhere. The bed will seem huge and devoid of life. Eventually you'll start cleaning up and reorganizing and changing things and make the place specifically yours. You'll learn to enjoy stretching out on the bed and not having someone elbow you in the middle of the night or steal the covers. You'll find that without her constantly there, it's easier for you to get out and GAL and focus on you rather than your sitch.

It does get better but you'll need time to recover. Don't rush it, you'll get there.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 603
L
LoneWlf Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 603
Another Stander, thanks for the words of wisdom and support.

This ordeal is becoming a living hell. Sometimes you feel ok and then soon after you feel like total sh!t. I often wonder how will i get thru this? She is pushing to get the separation agreement done before she moves out in 2 weeks. I am a total NOOB- and i don't want do anything irrational. How should I proceed?


M51 w50
T-20Yrs M-16Yrs
S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up
1 Awesum dog
BD 10/31/17
separate rooms 02/08/18
wife moved out 05/17/18

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
LoneWlf the emotional roller-coaster is profound. I have never been bipolar but boy did I feel like I was from BD-about mid-March. I started to even out a bit after mid-March, so for the last month and a half I have been fairly even keeled again.

Give it time. Also, take advantage of the times you are in a upswing, I really believe you are more clear thinking in DBing when you are emotionally strong. When you are emotionally down WORK ON GAL!! Nothing helps you get through those times like having other things (exercise, friendships, hobbies, activities) to focus on.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 603
L
LoneWlf Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 603
Thanks Steve85,

This is DAMN hard. I'm loosing my best friend of 20 yrs(W), I'm now having to find a new job because I'm on short term disability (added stress) and my disability is running out. I also have to find a means to support my son and I -cuz my W was the breadwinner and my S15 is sooo mad at mom for just quitting on the family. I'm trying to facilitate a relationship betwwen them but he feels she did not give it her all and just quit. We did go to MC 4 yrs ago but reverted back to old habits. On top of that I have to prepare my home ( the only home my son has lived in )so that we can sell it and split the equity. Totally in a fog
wondering how to proceed..


M51 w50
T-20Yrs M-16Yrs
S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up
1 Awesum dog
BD 10/31/17
separate rooms 02/08/18
wife moved out 05/17/18

Page 3 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard