Here again

[artista]

My W has been insisting on her moving to the MBR and me moving to the spare room. She says that I am selfish and I don't care that she isn't getting much sleep. Should I move to the other room. She thinks that I am selfish, and I suppose that offering to switch bedrooms would be a 180 for me. I also think that she is testing me to see how I will respond. Do the vets or anyone have advice on this?

You know the answer to the MBR question... Your W has been selfish in many ways... LBSs seem to care too much about what the Wayward or Walk-away spouses thinks of them...

[WBM]

Thanks arista. I told W that I would not be moving from the MBR, but that she was welcome to move back in. Her response? "I will never come back to the MBR because I don't want to sleep with you ever again". I am always amazed at the venom when she doesn't get her way.

[SteveLW]

Thanks arista. I told W that I would not be moving from the MBR, but that she was welcome to move back in. Her response? "I will never come back to the MBR because I don't want to sleep with you ever again". I am always amazed at the venom when she doesn't get her way.

Believe nothing they say and only half of what they do!

[WBM]

Thanks Steve85. I tell myself that often when she says things that just make me smh. I watch for her actions to match those words and there is usually no action taken.

Our in-house S has been ongoing since early January. Sometimes its easy, but most of the time, its hard. In fact, I catch myself wondering if she isn't DB'ing me at times.

[AnotherStander]

R talk lasted a while longer, ending with things that we could do to try and fix our M.

Can you expand on that? Were these things items that you brought up or her? What were they?

I told W that I would not be moving from the MBR, but that she was welcome to move back in.

Good, exactly what you should say.

Her response? "I will never come back to the MBR because I don't want to sleep with you ever again". I am always amazed at the venom when she doesn't get her way.

Eh, don't worry about it. WAS's love to speak in absolutes. "You always...." "I never...." It's script. Means nothing in the long run.

[WBM]

AS - she stated that she just didn't know how to fix our R that seems too broken. I told her that I thought we could start to fix pieces at a time instead of tackling the whole thing, which seems overwhelming. I suggested that we haven't spoken each other's LL, and that had caused a lot of resentment and feelings of neglect over the years. We identified each others LL, and I have made an effort to meet hers each day since this discussion. I have the book and read it over the next few days to be sure I understood how to speak in a different language. I did a few things, which seemed to get a very positive reaction from her, but, several days later, she got angry when she saw the book out and started to spew venom again.

Fast forward one week. She is still angry and barely speaking to me. I have still been doing things each day that speak to her LL. I am resolved to being consistent. When she did decide to speak to me, it was about the MBR. She didn't get her way, and has gone cold again.

She speaks in absolutes nearly always. She also rewrites our marital history (which is very frustrating) and says that she never should've married me.

[MRay]

She speaks in absolutes nearly always. She also rewrites our marital history (which is very frustrating) and says that she never should've married me.

This is common. My W is doing the same thing. She has rewritten our entire history. She says she only married me because her life was terrible at the time I proposed, and she was depressed. She wasn't in love with me, but didn't want to lose me. Her whole life was awful. She then lists all the terrible things in her life from that time and says I was the only thing everyone around her thought she was doing right (note: she had no feelings for me, it's just the outside perception that was/is good about me).

This is all far from the truth, but she has taken bits and pieces of what happened and twisted them to justify her actions. You're right that it's frustrating, and at least my W can be very convincing. It had me questioning my own memories, but then I realized it was all BS. However, this is what she believes to be true, and that makes it reality to her. You cannot convince her otherwise. You can only show her your actions in the here and now, and hope the actual memories can shine through some how.

[WBM]

Every time that she initiates an R talk, more and more things are added for reasons that she wants a D. I find myself being blamed for the actions of others, and many times, I question my memory of the events as well. I validate when I can, but still have issue with not becoming defensive when some of it is complete BS. This is an area that I need to work on.

My W tells me that she has never been happy in our M, says that she still loves me, but doesn't want to live with me or be M any longer.

[WBM]

I have a question for the group: why does WAS stomp their feet and say that they want a D often, but, don't actually take the steps to file? Is this part of the "script"?

Also, she appears to be pursuing the old boyfriend really hard, but it doesn't seem like he is anything but casually receptive to it. Hoping this one sided EA runs its course. I am still GAL and 180 like crazy while this plays out.

[OrangeK]

I have a question for the group: why does WAS stomp their feet and say that they want a D often, but, don't actually take the steps to file? Is this part of the "script"?

My WW certainly did. Would take ZERO steps to get D, but told me she wanted it more than once and was very angry the first time I put it on hold.

If they are truly resolved to actually get D, they will.
If not they will just bluster and whine.