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#2786614 04/24/18 01:21 AM
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Previous Thread - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2781481#Post2781481

There has been a bit of rain in my area the last few weeks, they have had to open the floodgates to the lakes to keep the levels down, which causes the rivers to really pick up the pace and swell from their normal levels.

I spent last week obsessing over gg, I knew I was doing it but had a hard time taking my attention away from her and back to the here and now... I know it's not healthy. One date, a few 2x4's, and a fishing trip with friends later and I'm finally refocusing on myself. It amazes me how therapeutic this forum is for me, just writing everything out helps a little with my perspective, but everyone's input really helps me realize when I'm just being stupid.

Which brings me to my title, Open the Floodgates, as in I want to start putting myself out there (I've said it before but I will try again) and start dating more woman.

I'm going to try and be more aggressive towards dating, I signed back up on OLD and will reach out to anyone I either find attractive, or has an interesting profile, see if I can set up some meets. Following V's lead and advice, I may try and be less passive and try and initiate contact with strangers, see if I can build up the nerve to ask for phone numbers (so far out of my comfort zone but maybe by doing it I will become more comfortable with it).

Looking back through my dating life, all but 2 of my R started out as "friends", I guess one could say that hasn't really worked all that well for me and maybe it's time to try something different.

I haven't talked to gg other than a text that I enjoyed the date, but I'm thinking about reaching out to her today to see if she wants to go to a Cuban restaurant in town tonight or tomorrow. I've got plans all weekend and going out of town next Tuesday for a week, so the only opportunity to see her for almost two weeks will be either today or tomorrow.


M - 9 1/2 years
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10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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In short, my serious advice to you is not to be sucked in by the physical attraction. I see men doing that to me even though we are an awful match. I know men tend to lead with a different a head (I am not saying this insultingly) but awareness is a good thing. Maybe time to deviate away from the petite blondes? Curvy brunettes are fun too!! haha.

If your intention is just a casual fling with GG, then for it. But really be smart and ask yourself why you would want to date someone with so many red flags when you built your life back up and got it on track? Just for physical attraction? You have this great drama free life now and having fun, don't do what got many people to this board in the first place: Ignoring red flags.

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message heard Ginger. I really am just looking at gg as short term dating, if she is of the same mindset. I think it would be good for me to date more than 1 woman to keep me from getting too attached. I'm back and forth about reaching out to her today or just waiting until I get back from FL, but either way, if we do go out again I will make it a point to find out what she is looking for. If it's LTR only, then I will end it.


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Originally Posted By: Coconut
I really am just looking at gg as short term dating...


Yep, we all believe that. Just don't meet GG's children; if that happens, life as you know it will be over.

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I echo Doodler's sentiment. You got "jealous" before the date even happened. Do you really think you are ready to have a FWB situation? I was in one for someone I cared for, and let me tell you, I wasn't ready for it. I also couldn't do it with someone I really had feelings for.

I am also going to challenge your deep interest in GG. Pretend she is physically unattractive for a second. What else draws you in so much? What about her or your connection would make you want to entertain her with all her red flags? What makes her a good fit for you?

You are a great stage where you can say "nah, not a fit, we will can just hang out in our groups and date someone else.

You are going to meet a lot of women, coconut. You can afford to be picky.

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I meet lots of women, I get attention from lots of women and enjoy being with them... But gg is the one that caught my attention, dare I say the only one. I find other woman attractive (gg is not the most attractive), I enjoy my conversations with others, but gg makes me feel excited, alive.. I really don't know why, she just does. I'm hoping as I work my way through this I will find other woman who challenge me, intrigue me like she does.

I haven't talked to gg since our date, a couple of texts back and forth but no real talk, I am doing my best to back off. The other lady I took out to dinner a few weeks back has started texting me a lot, maybe she's heard about gg and I and stepped up her pursuit, I'm not sure, but it is helping me remain distracted from gg.

Anyway, I've got a busy weekend coming up then leave for FL Tuesday after work, so I won't be making plans for a date with gg. The gamer group that I used to go to closed shop, there were a couple of issues that happened so the lady who hosted closed the group. I talked to one of the guys from the gamer group (who joined the singles group to attend my game night) and told him to ask around and see if any of the gamers want to come over to my house Sunday night to play. He knows gg, so it's possible if we have the game night Sunday he may invite her, but other than that possibility it is unlikely I will see her for a few weeks (I'm going camping the weekend after I get back from FL).

I'm thinking about calling up a few girls back home and see if anyone's available to hang out next weekend while I'm in town. Maybe I can have some fun and release some of this built up pressure.


M - 9 1/2 years
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10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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V, I have to give you a lot of credit for initiating communication and asking for phone numbers with multiple strangers a day.. I'm really struggling with it.

Today I went to Chipotle for lunch, when I was almost finished eating a lady, that I would of loved to talk to, came in and got in line. How great it would be, I thought, to go strike up a conversation.. Yeah, it was a great thought, but then I started thinking about making a fool of myself, which would be bad enough if she was alone, but she was in the middle of a pretty big line. I thought about waiting until she got her food and sat down, but I still wasn't sure I would be able to find the nerve, so I left.

I don't understand why it's so difficult for me to do. With the singles group, I introduce myself to every new person I see, I don't even think about going up to them, starting and holding conversation in that setting, it just comes naturally.

I will keep on trying, hopefully i'll actually be able to take that step soon.


M - 9 1/2 years
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10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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Originally Posted By: Coconut
V, I have to give you a lot of credit for initiating communication and asking for phone numbers with multiple strangers a day.. I'm really struggling with it.

Today I went to Chipotle for lunch, when I was almost finished eating a lady, that I would of loved to talk to, came in and got in line. How great it would be, I thought, to go strike up a conversation.. Yeah, it was a great thought, but then I started thinking about making a fool of myself, which would be bad enough if she was alone, but she was in the middle of a pretty big line. I thought about waiting until she got her food and sat down, but I still wasn't sure I would be able to find the nerve, so I left.

I don't understand why it's so difficult for me to do. With the singles group, I introduce myself to every new person I see, I don't even think about going up to them, starting and holding conversation in that setting, it just comes naturally.

I will keep on trying, hopefully i'll actually be able to take that step soon.


I'll let you in on a secret. I wish more guys would do this. Even though the guy in the bookstore wasn't for me, I hive him much props for even trying and I was kind.

Our society is so a$$ backwards now. Text conversation from OLD with the occasional dic pic ain't so creepy, but a guy strikes up a convo with a woman he thinks is cute, and he can be deemed creepy.

I suggest you do it. There might be a woman out there receptive. I know I would be.

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Way back when I was in my early twenties, I went to a restaurant lounge with some friends. A super hot chick appeared, so I asked her to dance. We danced and when we were done, she gave me her business card (she was a hair stylist). I didn't even have to ask for her phone number - cool! A couple days later, I went to the place where she worked and asked her out on a date.

We started dating and we eventually went to Hawaii together (that was an awesome trip). About six months after first meeting her, and after the Hawaii trip, I found out that she didn't give me her card because she liked me, she gave me the card because she was trying to build her clientele. Dumb luck, but hey...

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What a woman says she wants and what she actually wants are two totally different things..

I need to change the way I interact on OLD. Since restarting a OLD profile, I've reached out to around 10 ladies. I read their profile, looked at their pictures, and in my messages I referenced things they said or their pics to show that I read their profiles, I told them a little about myself and made the messages personalized.

Last night went out and had a few drinks, after getting home sent three messages, they were short and to the point, one message just said "dayum girl". Now all three of these profiles were the same type as I had been messaging before, Not looking for Hook-ups, want to find a good guy for a LTR, blah blah blah..

So out of all 13 messages, I've gotten 3 replies, 2 of them were from the messages I sent last night. One of the ones from last night, who I said is confused as to what she wants and her words didn't match her pictures (most of her pictures where in a low cut tank top, lots of cleavage and pics taken from above her head looking down) actually messaged me three times (all after I'd gone to bed).

I don't get it.


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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