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mtb1981 Offline OP
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So, I guess my best option is to just go NC and quit worrying about everything. Another thing I was wondering about was an issue with taxes. I have been the sole provider for years. W got a job bartending this past December. She didn't even make enough to have to file, yet still wanted to split the refund. I told her no. Anyway, we went to file together, and at the end she asked if she could have $2000 put into her account. I said no, and told her I would file separately instead. She asked the accountant how much she would get back if she filed separately, and that's when she found out she didn't even make enough to file because they didn't take anything out. She then asked if she could claim one of the kids, and he informed her that she couldn't because she had nothing to file. So, she got mad and we went to talk about it later. She asked again for $2000 so she could get beds for the kids so they could stay with her a few nights a week. I reluctantly agreed. Now, after this latest instance of me discovering she spent the night with another guy, I really don't feel like giving her the money. Am I wrong for thinking this?...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
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Totally not wrong. She is fishing for money dude. My WW did the same thing at the end of 2017 because she knew i got my Fire Dept stipend check. She fed me breadcrumbs, asked for $250 and then once i gave it to her, and she got what she wanted it was back to the same old avoidance tactics and lying.
She didn't work for that 2k. Dont give it to her. If she left, she left the comfort and security of your marriage thereby making you not responsible for her fiscal responsibilities. If she didn't have the $$ to afford beds for her kids she shouldn't have moved out. Just because she says its for the beds for the kids doesn't mean it all would go to that, some would likely be spent on dates with OM.
be polite but stand your ground. Say you need the money to make sure your kids are happy and healthy. Not your responsibility to furnish her affair pad.

My WW has had her Parents harping me for tax info all month. They had months to approach me to get taxes filed. When i presented options that worked for both parties i was turned down, and my F.I.L just requested copies of my W2 and SS#. I politely told them i wasn't willing to hand over financial info to someone who wouldn't speak to me (my wife) and let someone else file MY taxes without me present. They must think I'm High. They only reach out when they need something, until they see you are done bending over backwards for them, the expectation will endure.


M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4
All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18
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2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD
2 Major breakups.
2 Rebounds
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mtb1981 Offline OP
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Thanks, Orange. That's what i needed to hear. When she's not around or Im not talking to her, I know what I need to do. When she's around or I'm talking to her, I buckle. I need to work on that...

Also, I went ahead and made a trip to the hardware store and bought a new deadbolt and changed the lock. I feel like she doesn't need to be stopping over here during the day when I'm not around so she can pick and choose what she wants to take. Next step, what do I do with the rest of her stuff that's here? It's mostly just clothes. Should I pack it up and dump it on her porch, or should I wait until she contacts me to get it?...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
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Mbt,

I would pack her stuff in a box or boxes and put them in a storage room or garage. When she says she needs to stop to get something or her stuff give her, her boxes.

The issue with the beds. Instead of giving her money. You can offer to get your kids bed. You don't want your kids sleeping on the floor no matter what is going on between you and your W. Make it an outing and let your W know you are taking to kids to pick out there new beds. If she responds in an ungrateful manner, then you know what she was expecting. Second, beds don't cost $2000.

Get the beds and keep it moving. This is her new reality. Also by you taking the kids, they get to see what an awesome dad they have.


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
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Then you're doing great in my opinion. I haven't seen or spoken with my wife in 3 months so I haven't had the opportunity to test my resolve at all. As far as her belongings are concerned I would Supply a deadline to have them moved if she's not going to be living in the marital house. I made a lot of wrong moves before finding these resources. My wife left in October and I didn't move out of our apartment until December and when I did I put most of her stuff in my storage unit because she wasn't around to help move out even though she knew it was happening. I guess my point is that it seems like they will literally drag their feet and make you do everything from moving their belongings paying to store them to filing divorce. Just don't do any of it. Set boundaries and clearly State your expectations in regard to adult responsibilities such as taking care of their belongings or paying for things. Same thing with the lock, I threatened to take my wife's key to our apartment away numerous times before I finally had the backbone to do it. looking back I know this is something that had an effect because of the way she reacted the first time I asked for the key back she threatened to come and take all of her stuff because I was still begging her to move back in at that point. she left that's not her home anymore she should have no expectations about access to the home or your finances. As always no need to be mean, stand your ground and be polite.


M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4
All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18
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2 Major breakups.
2 Rebounds
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Originally Posted By: joejoe1
Mbt,

The issue with the beds. Instead of giving her money. You can offer to get your kids bed. You don't want your kids sleeping on the floor no matter what is going on between you and your W. Make it an outing and let your W know you are taking to kids to pick out there new beds. If she responds in an ungrateful manner, then you know what she was expecting. Second, beds don't cost $2000.

Get the beds and keep it moving. This is her new reality. Also by you taking the kids, they get to see what an awesome dad they have.


This is extremely sound advice. People that ask for money for X, and then protest when you want to provide X instead of the money more than likely didn't really want the money for X. This is a common tactic we use when helping people asking for charity. "I need money for food." "OK, we will meet you at XYZ grocery store and buy you groceries." "Never mind, but thanks for the offer. Yeah, they want money to go buy meth.


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mtb, what is the latest?


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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mtb1981 Offline OP
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Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 616
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mtb1981 Offline OP
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Posted from my phone, and it showed up blank...

Anyway, nothing has happenned. Been NC for a couple days now. Last time we talked, she said she wasgoing to come by last night to pick up the kids and take them out for dinner. She never showed up or called to say she wasn't. Oh well... her loss. I learned a few months ago to not tell the kids when she plans on doing something with them, because she always backs out or doesn't show...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 616
M
mtb1981 Offline OP
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Posts: 616
W called me Saturday afternoon. Said she just wanted to talk to me and see how I was doing. Was asking about what plans the kids and I had over the next few days because she wanted to come by and hang out. (Yeah, right). I told her what days we would be around and just left it at that. She called again on Sunday, but I didn't answer. Just let it go to voicemail. She didn't leave a message...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
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