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mtb1981 Offline OP
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Thank you doodler and neffer,

She has recently moved out into her own place. I guess what I'm asking is what do I say to her? Or should I even say anything to her? Tell her I know about the A and that it's unacceptable then gather the rest of her stuff up and put it outside?...

I tend to ramble and lose train of thought in situations like this and want to have a speech or some sort of framework as to what to say before I confront her...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
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WW H(me): 53
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 18
Piecing since 03/2016
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WW H(me): 53
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 18
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
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WW H(me): 53
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 18
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
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WW H(me): 53
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 18
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
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Originally Posted By: mtb1981
She has recently moved out into her own place. I guess what I'm asking is what do I say to her? Or should I even say anything to her? Tell her I know about the A and that it's unacceptable then gather the rest of her stuff up and put it outside?...


Ah! No worries about throwing her stuff out. The reason she moved out was so she could continue her affair unabated the constraints of husband and family.

You need to see a "family" lawyer to find out about the laws in your state regarding child custody, separation and divorce. If your finances aren't separated, then go ahead and separate them. Be sure to setup a visitation schedule for the children.

Move on with your life assuming she's not going to be a part of it.

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mtb1981 Offline OP
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Confronted W yesterday, and she denied, denied, denied. The "reason" she showed up on the Snapchat map at that location was because she was hanging out at the house across the street with her girlfriend. The "reason" her van was parked behind the hotel was because she can't park her van at her friend's apartment building, which happens to be in a neighboring town. The "reason" she didn't just park her van at her rental house was because that's she just happened to be driving near the hotel when she and her friend decided to go hang out and spend the night together. Her whole story stinks, and I'm not buying it. I told her I was over the whole situation, that divorce was the last thing I wanted, but I am not willing to deal with this kind of BS. She went from angry and defensive, telling me that SHE was done with me not trusting her, to trying to convince me it wasn't what it looked like and wanting me to believe her...

I again told her I didn't buy her story and that I was done. That if there were any chance of us having a R in the future, it would have to be her doing the work, because I've been the only one trying to make it work now. She then asked what she could do. I told her that was up to her. She said she wanted to make an appointment for MC because she really wants things to get better. That right now she just needs time and space to herself to figure out who she is so she can be a better person and mother (notice she did not say wife). I told her that if she wanted to call and make the appointment, I would go, but that she also needed to look into getting some IC as well. I honestly doubt that she will even make the appointment...

Also, after I mentioned I knew where she was because of the snapchat map, she magically disappeared from the map. Same thing happened a month ago on Facebook. I was scrolling through the newsfeed and the nearby friends popped up and she was not in the town she claimed to be in. Poof! Never appeared in nearby friends again. If this doesn't scream that she's got something to hide, I don't know what does....


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
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Posts: 3,952
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Originally Posted By: mtb1981
If this doesn't scream that she's got something to hide, I don't know what does....


You got that right bro!

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mtb, this is why you never reveal the source of your intel. This is the same mistake I made with my wife early on. Got the advice to keep it a secret once I joined this forum. She too would shut down any method I used to check up on her.

Yeah she is definitely lying though. And the MC and wanting to make things better is just to keep you in a holding pattern. My wife did this for the first 2 months after BD as well. Every time I tried to talk to her about working on the MR, she would run the other way. As soon as I talked about a) moving forward with D, b) telling our daughter what was going on c) that I was fed up and done, she'd start talking about wanting to work on things, about hoping MC would help, about just needing to figure things out.

It is like I've quoted many times, WSs and WASs don't need their own place to "figure things out". They need their own place to sleep with other people.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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MTB,

You are done yet and your W knows that. You know that. You are wanting her to stop talking to OM and come home. (This is want all LBS wants).

When you are done and she will know and feel when you are done. When you are done, you want care if she stops. You will stop searching and checking on her.

When you are done you Will focus soley on your kids and yourself.

You W got that apartment to have the best of both worlds. To have access to both options.

When you are done you want make yourself an option no more. Once that happens, she will have to work to get you back. Going to MC at this point want help, because she hasn't cut off the OM. Don't bring up MC until you see her doing the work and she sends a no contact message or letter that you approve of.

She's only trying to appease you at the moment. But when you show her you are done thru your actions, she will have to work to appease you.

Don't tell her how you know what you know. Just present the facts from now on, and not how you gathered them.


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
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