I would like your expert advice on how to handle this.
My husband had a full blown affair. He did came back but refuse to end the affair. They are thousand of miles apart but because of facebook, continues to communicate everyday and have video sex. They even posted a picture of both of them on the other woman's facebook cover photo.
Since the other woman is posting their affair on facebook, how do I fight back? I have friends and relatives who wanted to tag and exposed the real truth about the affair and the other woman. They are amazed on how this other woman has the guts to expose their affair online.
Divorce is not the solution since the other woman wanted to come here in America and have a green card. I know she is using my husband, but my husband is blind. She has a history of being a prostitute, my husband will not believe it though.
Are there any in the community who had a similar experience? How did they handle this?
What do I do? I do not want to drag my children in this online drama.
Is there any legal remedy? Can I ask facebook to shut down their account since there's nudity involved?
Can I sue facebook? Because of facebook, a lot of families have been destroyed and having an affair is as easy as calling on your cellphone.
How do I handle this without appearing that I am "chasing" or pursuing my husband? On the other hand, doing nothing is as if I condone their affair and I am letting this other woman do what she wants online. The other woman's family and friends were told that the only reason my husband came back is only because of our children. My husband is telling me that he came back not only because of the children but because he still have feelings left for me. He said if it was just for the children, then he can just come and visit the children but not come home and stay with us.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Thank you for your response and tips. I will check the links you suggested. I don't know what else I can do. I have read many many books including Michele's. I am not at a point in my life that I feel more hatred towards my husband than love. at this point, I love myself than whatever I feel for my husband.
I am tempted to the the 180 and last resort. Kick him out and let him live his fantasy with this other woman.
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Today is the second time I kicked out my husband for the night. He did stayed out for the night but then came back home in the morning. Looks like even if I wanted to, I cannot kick him out. And my husband is intent on staying. So the strategy of letting him live his fantasy with this other woman is not working. What is it with men, when you tell them not to, they want to do it. When you let them, they don't want to do it. But one thing is for sure now, I the Legal Wife now has the upper hand.
I had almost this exact sitch, the G had several OW, nine to be precise most of the POWS (EAs) not PAs but it culminated in OW9, an ex exotic dancer from Bratislava living in Italy, who he met golfing in our holiday flat in Madeira and they met up on 'neutral' territory at the Art Hotel in Amsterdam paid for with joint marital funds. The longer it went on the more surreal it got.
Really?
He would not leave, it was too cushy. I didn't have kids and stopped feeding him cake. Still the sod wouldn't go. Even with everything I did, he would not go. I moved out of the house I had owned for 30 years just to get peace. In the end I just truth darted so it resulted in a grand finale. I did not know what to do. You can't physically evict them and you have to D. It's the only way.
So so frustrating and I so empathise. And whilst the tussle goes on its hard (almost impossible to detatch). The best you can hope for is anger and disgust. Husband is in the OW has a special place between her legs dream of ever after knickers off. I get the hatred too, but that will ease if you convert to disgust as your prime emotion.
Delusional rubbish from which he stands no chance of awakening at all until reality bites.
See an L and keep your cards close to your chest. It's the only way to get him out, he will have to pay for his choices, make him. Kick his entitled butt head out of his arse. Don't do as I did, dance around someone who is damaging you and your kids. If you want your M then I think tough stuff is in order.
OW is priceless isn't she? There can't be a work it through in an EA not until the wick is dipped. And the longer the EA goes on the less likely. It's lurve bombing by OW for jollies and luca. For sure. Make sure you get what you need before open crotch gets her cut. Her cut comes out of his portion. I left it far too long before I took real action.
So far it doesn't look like WH has done the nasty so it might be you can wake him up. I sense though you are in the land of fed up, let go, reality bites.
So my thoughts are to see an L, interview several chose one you can work with and then act on that advice. WH has scrambled eggs for brains with a side dish of special sausage.
Detach as much as you can and thus be able to listen to L advice.
I always have hope when I see no PA, very little when there is active infidelity. So I think it's your heart decision of what's best for you.
It's tough on you.
Hugs
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
By nasty I mean set OW up to come for a green card.
There was a poster here caLledrod Rosalinda and there are echoes of similarity. In this case a Russian who gave her ex an STD and then proceeded to try to cure it with fermented oatmeal.
OW is priceless isn't she? There can't be a work it through in an EA not until the wick is dipped. And the longer the EA goes on the less likely. It's lurve bombing by OW for jollies and luca. For sure. Make sure you get what you need before open crotch gets her cut. Her cut comes out of his portion. I left it far too long before I took real action.
OW is priceless isn't she? There can't be a work it through in an EA not until the wick is dipped. And the longer the EA goes on the less likely. It's lurve bombing by OW for jollies and luca. For sure. Make sure you get what you need before open crotch gets her cut. Her cut comes out of his portion. I left it far too long before I took real action.
Vanilla, I dig your writing style. I'm in a similar boat (long distance online ea that he wants to make physical). Would you be able to elaborate on this? Thank you!
