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http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2775271&page=11

W supposedly signed the lease to her new place on two nights ago, and said she would be by to get her things. Still has not been by though. Had a 45 minute convo with her that went nowhere that same day when she called me at work because I wasn't answering my cell phone. (see previous thread) I woke up this morning to a missed call from her at 1:00 in the morning last night. I've been tempted to try to discuss our sitch recently, but have held strong and have been doing my best to keep contact to a minimum...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
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mtb1981 Offline OP
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Also, I've spent the past few weeks documenting things that have been going on with W (when she stops by the house, for how long, amount of time spent with kids, etc.) I've got about 5 solid weeks of documentation. Also went through old texts that she has sent, and they align with the things I have documented...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 616
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mtb1981 Offline OP
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W called and I answered. Decided to mix it up a bit since I usually let it go to VM. She said she was not going to be able to move into her new place until Tuesday. Her original plan was to be moved in by this weekend and she wanted the kids to stay with her. I just listened and didn't really say anything. She apologized for calling at 1:00 in the morning last night (said she accidentally hit my number when going through her call log). I told her it wasn't a problem. That I was asleep anyway and didn't notice until this morning. She then asked if she could come by tomorrow night before she had to go to work (she has to be at work at 9 PM)so she could see the kids and tuck them into bed. I told her that would be fine. Then we were done talking. She sounded kind of sad on the phone, but I didn't ask anything....

About 10 minutes later, I realized that the kids and I had planned on meeting my parents for a fish fry at the kids' school tomorrow evening. So I sent her a text saying that I just remembered we were supposed to meet them for dinner and she was more than welcome to come with us if she wanted, otherwise we would be home after that. She texted back that she didn't think it would be a good idea. That she would love to, but thought it would be uncomfortable. I sent back that if she would love to, then she should. She would have to be around them at some point anyway and whatever she wanted to do was fine. She responded that she did want to, but she thinks they are mad at her. I told her my parents love her more than she knows and like I said, if you want to, come.... if not, don't. Just want you to know all of us, including the parents would love for you to come. She responded that she would let me know tomorrow morning and if I haven't heard from her if I would text her and remind her.... I texted back, "If you're lucky..." (This was always kind of an inside thing with us. Anytime she asked something, I would say that and she would respond, "I'm always lucky!") So she responded with, I'm always lucky!!!. I sent back a winky face, and she sent back "lol" with a smiley face blowing a kiss with a heart. I left it at that...

I'm not considering this as pursuing (even though it kind of is), but instead letting her know that the door is open. I'm trying to be the lighthouse. And I read nothing into the kissy face. If anything, now I was the one that left some crumbs and she took them, and I'm going to leave it at that. I have no expectations...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
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Dude that is big time pursuit and your trying to serve her a big fat piece of cake. If you communicate to her that the door is always open you will be in limbo land for a very long time and it will suck the fuching life out of you.

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mtb1981 Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: LH19
Dude that is big time pursuit and your trying to serve her a big fat piece of cake. If you communicate to her that the door is always open you will be in limbo land for a very long time and it will suck the fuching life out of you.


I totally get what you're saying, and I'm not planning on doing anything more. It has more to do with her seeing my parents than anything else. I feel like it's going to be a lot harder for her to want to come back if she thinks they hate her. I honestly doubt she even comes, and if she does, she'll be uncomfortable anyway. But I don't want her worrying about what they think preventing her from coming back. I'm just trying to keep the road back home smooth by eliminating that from the situation. I don't plan on reminding her tomorrow either if she doesn't contact me in the morning. She called a little while ago, and I didn't answer. I'm just going to continue what I have been doing from this point on. I guess I just see this as a quick reminder that I'm not the bad guy she wants to make me out to be. Like I said, I have no expectations and I'm not planning on inviting her to do anything again...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
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Leaving the door open is different from being the doormat in front of it.

The door is open but there are boundaries on walking through it. The door isn't revolving either, to come in and out of.

Those who apply the lighthouse (which works well with a WAW, not so much with a WS) also apply the picnic in front of the lighthouse analogy too.

Stand for M as long as you want to do so. I still stand for M but not with the G.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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mtb, I think there was a little pursuit involved but I think you handled it pretty well actually. You probably should have been a bit more brief with her than you were, but I don't think it was total pursuit. Your plans changed your plans, you invited her along and put no pressure on her to join you. Leaving it up to her is not necessarily pursuit. Others may and will disagree.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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mtb1981 Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Vanilla
I still stand for M but not with the G.


What is G?


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 616
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mtb1981 Offline OP
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As expected, W did not show up Friday to have dinner with parents, nor did she come by to see the kids like she said she would. She called on Saturday morning, and requested to come by and see the kids again. I told her that was fine, and the kids and I would be going to a cook out at around 6:30. She said she had just got into town, was going to make a quick stop by her work, and would be right over. 3 hours later, and she never showed up, so the kids and I went to the cook out. W is a complete mess. Told me during convo on Saturday that she has contemplated suicide several times. She misses the kids (yet never makes an effort to see them, or if she does, she bails last minute), she's tired of being unhappy, and tired of the getting fuched up just to be able to not feel anything. She says she's still mad at me, but the more and more this goes on, I realize that I'm being used as an excuse for her to justify her actions. She has no personal responsibility and seeks attention and sympathy from everyone. She's been going through "friends" at a fast pace. Complained to me that no one wants to spend time with her and she feels alone. I know this is true, because I've had many people tell me that they first felt sorry for her, then saw through her BS, and decided she was someone they don't want to be around. Honestly, I'm starting to feel the same way...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
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She obviously needs some serious therapy. I'm starting to be worried for her life. is she into any other substances other than alcohol? I've had friends like this caught in the clutches of hard drugs like coke, crack, meth or heroin


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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