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A Message from Michele
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Re: Shoot Me Straight [Re: Georgiabelle] #2876628
12/18/19 01:21 PM
12/18/19 01:21 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,220
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kml Offline
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kml  Offline
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GB - you want a relationship but donít think youíll ever have one - why is that?

Yeah the young guys are fun but generally not leading to anything long term. Have you tried being the one to reach out to guys closer in age? ( For me that has been guys ten years younger or less, Iíve still only dated one guy older than me since my divorce but not by design).

Iíve generally had good luck by reaching out to guys I found interesting online.

I think you might be deliberately sabotaging by picking unavailable or inappropriate men, people who something long term cannot develop with. I did this unconsciously the first few years after my divorce.

Are you still struggling with your body image? Still afraid to get in a real relationship because you might get hurt? Or just not willing to deal with one until your kids are grown?

I have to admit - right now in my dating life, becoming a Love Avoidant with a few good FWBs looks kinda good. (Long story short - boyfriend who was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer 3 mos after we met is living with me but turns out to be difficult to live with because of his Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder/ germophobia. )

But if what you want is a nice long-term relationship - try reaching out to the guys who interest you online. Look for ones who donít look like theyíre obsessed with the gym (the body perfectionists are not gonna be a good influence on your body issues). And remember - You Deserve to Be Loved. Youíre capable of it and sounds to me like youíre getting a little closer to being ready to allow it into your life.

Re: Shoot Me Straight [Re: Georgiabelle] #2895301
05/19/20 03:07 AM
05/19/20 03:07 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,902
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Georgiabelle Offline OP
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Georgiabelle  Offline OP
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Thanks for popping by. Well....2020 really has been a year. Iíll start with the good. Iím in great heath. I have 3 fantastic kids. Iím very happy to be employed and with a job I love. I have great fur peeps, friends, and as Iíve stated many times, a wonderful relationship with my ex hís family. I also look Dizzam good in a bikini-particularly for an old person. :-)
Iím lucky Iím so many ways. Havenít been in love but eh...perhaps that will come one day.

I have a very cordial and friendly relationship with x Mr. GB. For the most part, he lets me do the heavy lifting with the kids and remarried back in the fall. She is always sweet and nice to the kids. They just bought a very swanky (600k house) and travel lots. He does lots of things he used to blast folks for doing. At first, I felt pangs of envy at the 600k house. Not because I want a 600k house but because....well heís working FT and I donít know. It felt like he didnít think we were that important to him. I have an old 45 year old house that is lots of work....but ya know what? Itís homey. I have a roof over my head and itís peaceful.

Iím going to try to express myself as best as possible because probably like many of you, some days being married to him seemed like a lifetime ago. He struggled the 12 years we were together and was rarely employed. Severe depression and anxiety. And now he makes BIG money and he does pay more than he is supposed to regarding support-which is nice. He gets very agitated with the kids and when he does see them, he literally texts a few hours after getting them when are we meeting. Heís even stated there is no drama with me. Zero. Never any disputes over days (the kids all rarely go visit him) or anything of the sort. Sometimes we have a chuckle over text or a giggle when we see each other. I also have a very keen sense when something is up with him. I just feel it.

So I figured something was up when he wanted all kids to come Friday. He announces that he and his 46 yr old wife are shocked to find out they are having a baby later this year. Iím certain this was a surprise as he is very hands off and has told everyone who would listen he didnít want a 3rd kid. So now heís having a 4th. I know Iím rambling but I wanted a 4th kid but knew due to his employment issues and anxiety and depression, that was a bad idea. It was also weird hearing this from the kids just like when he got married. I congratulated him and his wife. Like I said, I kind of think the baby thing is exciting. But Iím also insane about kids.

This is my struggle. My daughter is devastated. She has many abandonment issues with her dad. My 17 yr old is autistic and just kind of shrugged at this. The 10 yr old is excited about being a big brother. Iím actually weirdly excited and I think they are crazy because an infant at 47 isnít for me but Iím not the one having it so who cares? But this is all....weird. I mean...he left me and he also left his kids. Yet, (and I know it was a shock) but now heís having another one? I was the one who wanted another (not now obviously but when we were married). I canít describe how I see this. It looks like everything has worked out fabulously for him which is nice I suppose. Was I that awful? He publicly stated a number of times that having kids ruined his life and made him put his life on hold. I mean I worked 12 hours a day because he didnít most of the time yet Iím terrified I will get laid off. Heís doing it over again. And please know, I understand itís not a contest. I do. But wow...,sometimes I think I must have been horrible because itís like he did a 180.


I dunno. I hope I donít sound whiny. Iím just trying to relay my feelings. Hope everyone is safe and well. I usually just read along here. Tell me Iím awful. Iím ready. :-)


Me-42 xh-41
3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Re: Shoot Me Straight [Re: Georgiabelle] #2895306
05/19/20 06:03 AM
05/19/20 06:03 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,220
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kml Offline
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kml  Offline
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GB not everything that looks good from the outside is what it seems. He hasnít had a personality transplant. Odds are he was NOT happy to find out he was going to have another child (a child that incidentally, due to parental age and family history, has a good chance of being autistic too).

He might also be in debt up to his neck with that house. A year from now he might be cheating on the new wife to escape the reality of diapers and midnight feedings.

Donít waste energy resenting this ďperfectĒ life you think he has, cuz itís not, I guarantee you. Your life sounds pretty good to me, and youíre authentic.

My ex married a woman 19 years younger than him, and I mentioned once to my (grown) kids that I thought they might try for a kid, especially since she was adopted. My son was INCENSED at the idea of having another sibling forced upon him without his consent! (Fortunately they didnít seem to have any plans to have a child as it turns out.)

Re: Shoot Me Straight [Re: Georgiabelle] #2895423
05/20/20 12:48 PM
05/20/20 12:48 PM
Joined: Feb 2016
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JujuB Offline
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I know how you feel. My ex is dating a much younger girl thatís sweet with our son and my guess is would obviously want kids. (I had wanted another kid so bad - and it was the only reason i even wanted my ex back. Even way before he left, I remember thinking ďjust give me 1 more kid and we can divorceĒ) with me, he would sleep till 3pm while i was up early with a infant/toddler. He even slept in on days he was supposed to pick son up from preschool while I was working. But I noticed that now - he can wake up if he has to meet us somewhere and that you donít have to call his phone 50x to wake him up. I would be so mad if he had a kid yet wasted my childbearing years. And even madder if he helped out more with new kid.

Iím not sure anymore - if itís a matter of fíd up people that donít change their stripes. My ex lives an easy life right now. No responsibility- no hardships. But once he remarries - any normal partner will have similar demands that I did.

Or is it a matter of relationship dynamics. Like maybe they will be more compatible with a different personality and maturity - just like we will.

I kind of think heís gonna end up being jealous of your ďperfect lifeĒ with hobbies and socializing and older kids and without the sleep deprivation.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Re: Shoot Me Straight [Re: Georgiabelle] #2895495
05/21/20 01:08 AM
05/21/20 01:08 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,902
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Georgiabelle Offline OP
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Georgiabelle  Offline OP
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Thank you, KML and Juju. I appreciate what both of you are saying. Iím kind of ashamed of how I feel. Iíve cried several times today and my 10 yr old asked me if Iím okay.

I wasnít expecting this. Them getting married stirred what I would expect to be normal feelings of weirdness. This has taken on a whole new level of...I donít know. His wife is 46. He is 47. Iím not envious of having a newborn at those ages, however, I canít help but think I must have really been terrible. Maybe he never loved me. It doesnít matter at this point at all. Itís just that this hits on a different level. And I want him to be miserable and I realize that is wrong and does not dizzam thing for me.

He lives about 20 minutes away and he told the 10 yr old that when the baby comes, then they can visit more to give me a ďbreak.Ē I mean the 10 yr old is kind of excited and Iím happy for him. Heís so sweet. And Iíve told him he is going to be the best big brother. I dunno. I know this sounds awful but I swear to the universe my ex always makes everything about him. And yes-I know Iím making this post about him. So clearly Iíve got some emotional work to do.

Juju, I know this pandemic has been tough for so many on a multitude of levels. For the last 3 months Iíve been wondering about love, money, and the fact that itís just me and Iím terrified of losing my job. Iím insane about my kids. I have a very small circle (very, very small) but a huge group of guy friends who live across the US. They always cheer me on in challenging situations. Iím an extrovert and according to society (I feel dumb saying this) says Iím one of the hot moms. Ha. I just laughed at that but thatís what I get told frequently. . Iím great at getting dates but honestly I never really connect with people for a relationship. I would like one. I really would and finally feel ready. Iíve thought that gif about a year or so. Iím not sure what to do. The people I click with arenít appropriate for a relationship. I donít have many hobbies. I read, workout, go out on occasion, and hang out with my kids.

Forgive me everyone. I sound like a whiny b!y@tch. I know I do. Iím sorry for sounding so dang self absorbed. Wishing everyone good juju.


Me-42 xh-41
3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Re: Shoot Me Straight [Re: Georgiabelle] #2895500
05/21/20 01:35 AM
05/21/20 01:35 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,220
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kml Offline
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What better place to whine than here?

Re: Shoot Me Straight [Re: Georgiabelle] #2895630
05/22/20 12:39 PM
05/22/20 12:39 PM
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,854
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JujuB Offline
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georgiabelle - I think one thing about maintaining looks as you age is that it does give you more opportunities in the dating world - especially OLD in which success is highly based on looks. Problem is that the type of guy that cares solely about looks is gonna target you and those type of guys donít make the best partners. Also those guys that care about looks like that - also tend to care about age. And unless your significantly younger then them - they tend to be pretty fickle. Thatís my thoughts.

Have you evaluated the type of guy that you are attracted to and attracting? Also, what is it that you value most in yourself? If looks are something you relied on for self confidence - itís not real self love. And you need that to connect with someone.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Re: Shoot Me Straight [Re: Georgiabelle] #2895651
05/22/20 04:33 PM
05/22/20 04:33 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 5,346
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LH19 Online
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LH19  Online
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You know that there are men out there who like beautiful woman but also require other suitable and compatible traits from the woman and they make good partners.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: Shoot Me Straight [Re: Georgiabelle] #2899857
07/14/20 02:51 AM
07/14/20 02:51 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,902
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Georgiabelle Offline OP
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Georgiabelle  Offline OP
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Thanks so much KML, Juju, and LH19. I appreciate your input and you are all correct. Itís okay to whine here. Yay! And Juju, you are correct. I mean while it opens doors, online dating in itself is based on well...appearances. Iím fairly secure and confident, and I just want someone I can be myself with and vice versa. And I want him to be relatively happy with his life. And yes LH, I certainly have to bring stuff to the table. And if Iím being honest, GB as a human being is fairly easy to date. However, GB and her life? Eh. Not so much. I really do think I have an idea of what I want and need.....Iím just not sure how or if I will find it. But I gotta keep looking. I know itís such a strange time and it has been a struggle at times mentally (just like it has been for so many). Iíve cried a few times over the last couple of weeks. So.....now for an update. Yíall ready for this (cheerleading song:-)

Had a great vacation last week. The kids and I had a blast with my niece and nephew. We enjoyed the ocean, talked until 3am, searched for shells and played board games. I. Canít. Complain. The weather and ocean were glorious. Iíve never met a beach I didnít like.

So I decided to put up an OLD profile about a month ago. I left it up for 8 days. I had 2 fun dates but not really clicking on a more than friendly level. One guy asked me out again. Actually he wanted to take me on a trip but since I had only met the man for an hour and a half and given him a hug, that didnít feel like a yay for me. 2nd date was a former national news anchor (I kept thinking he looked like he belonged on television but I really donít watch anything). We had a drink on a patio. We had good convo. However, he didnít ask me out again. On the 8th day a guy pops up on my suggestions or whatever terminology they use and I just had to reach out. I told the universe if he replies that day, Iíll reply back and then delete my profile. Not because of him but because I was gonna delete it anyway. I think my capacity is low on sites haha-even though I love meeting people. He messaged back and asked me out.

So I met him and we kind of clicked. As in he asked me out again at the end of the first date. I see him a 2nd and we just kind of hit it off. So much so that after about 2 weeks I started feeling a bit...scared and overwhelmed. He lives about an hour away. Something transpired (Iíll skip details but for someone like me, itís significant. Nothing he did. Was something I did). We had a conversation and I thought we were done. He called me twice on vacation but I didnít answer. I didnít even notice he had called. Until I had half a margarita (I think Iíve told you guys I really canít drink much and it was 98 outside). Long story short he wanted to talk when I got back. I agreed and well...he gave me flowers and told me really liked me and that I had to be honest and communicate with him. Weíve talked on the phone every day and seeing him Wednesday. Heís funny yet intense. Kind of nerdy like me.

So last week (remember the only guy Iíve really dated post D-New guy? We dated for 2 years). I liked a video of a song he recorded and he asked if we could meet. He lives in another state. I met him last night and I laughed so hard I cried. We ended weirdly but it was fun to catch up. Ended with a huge He wants to meet Friday night. I dunno. He called last night after we met and earlier today.

Who knows whatís happening here or if anything is happening. At least Iím speaking to humans. Thanks for reading along this crazy. Xoxo


Me-42 xh-41
3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Re: Shoot Me Straight [Re: Georgiabelle] #2899860
07/14/20 03:49 AM
07/14/20 03:49 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,220
K
kml Offline
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kml  Offline
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Posts: 16,220
Remind me, why did the guy you dated before not work out? (Might be good to remind yourself). The new date sounds promising, hope his nerdy self lives up to this initial promise.

Glad to see youíre getting out girlfriend.

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