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Today is stillness and meditation. A spa treatment and massage. I am resting my aching bones and chest.

I had a sinus massage to ease the aching in my head and release my nasty ears. More good food and pleasant wine planned.

A very very dear friend has lifted me from the doldrums and lets me cook for her, my pleasure ma'am. We are talking, my isolation and hibernating ending.

She tells me it's time to get out into the world and start taking chances again. I say that I will plan on it. It is going to be that way. Thinking hard I will do meetups and go dancing.

I was once the GAL queen scoring GAL points and it worked to warm my soul. So it will be again.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Lovely Lady V

Good news indeed. This warms me heart to read.

Having been a long time Experiencer ( I don't say Sufferer - as it disempowers me; it victimises me) of depression and low mood, I see the pain you have been going through for the last two years. You held my hand through many depressive episodes and was my light on many many a dark night.

It is easy to only see ourselves as our depressive pain; to own it because somehow it seems easier. It ends up owning us; defining us. However it is not true.

You are so much more than your pain and depression; you so are much more than the trauma and target of an abuser. There is no longer a good reason I think for defining yourself as such. Circumstances are too are such, but do they do not need to define Lady V, I think not.

You are a woman of great gumption and talent and great enthusiasm; great fun; these parts of yourself have become unknown, unseen, blurred to your own vision. But just for a time; there is remembering to be done, experiencing of yourself in all your fullness.

I Rise; I Rise...let the caged bird sing.

So much love for you my darling friend.

JellyXXX

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Quote:
Thinking hard I will do meetups and go dancing.


You go, girl!


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Originally Posted By: Vanilla
RAI, I am thrilled at your news but as always I treat each of my tribe with care. Please don't rush, take your time, be sure, be very sure. Enough said. I have always admired RAI as a father and man and you are very precious to me. I love the peeps in my tribe and enjoy hearing their up dates.
I am happy to have good updates. Thanks for the advice not to rush. I don't think there is anything that is truly "sure" anymore. But I am as sure as can be. Whether good times or rough times, life is definitely an adventure.

I am happy to hear that you are returning to your GAL activities. (((Vanilla)))

RAI


Me 48 XW 45
lots o' kids
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V,

I would take you out anytime you wished!


H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6
S-9,8,8,6,4
S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15
EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16
PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16
XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16
Finally moving forward...
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I am very happy to read that you managed to get away for a bit. It's time that Vanilla looked out for herself and enjoy life's simple pleasures. You are under so much stress and work very hard to keep your head above water. I hope and pray that you will be able to finally breathe and relax a bit in the days ahead.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Originally Posted By: J5K
V,

I would take you out anytime you wished!



That would be wonderful and of course the boys can come too.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Jellyb

I know how tough it is to walk to the pain. I do believe that facing this pain allows us to transcend it. It makes great sense to heal as well as we can.

I am so blessed with loving family and friends. It is such a gift to be given so much love and kindness. I am full of gratitude.

It is very wintery here in the UK, I took a sauna and then went into the snow and ice to waken my senses. The contrast is envigorating and creates great wakefulness. I am glad that the season of pain and grief is a shared one. That those who understand the troubles of loss also understand the joy of healing.

The one thing this whole awful mess has given me is the chance to understand the dynamic of sharing authenticity.

I made a decision that I would be authentic and share the good and bad of life. It is raw and hurtful, like a bad graze that's infected with an itchy scab. Sometimes that's very hard because it is my nature to be contained and reserved. So it's a struggle to share.

I fear the damage I might do by this although I know from my own lurking and reading that only half a story is of little assistance. There are many happy endings here although they are rarely the expected ending. Your story and journey is one such for in being you and walking to your pain then you have had the glimmer and eventually the realisation of yourself.

For truly this journey is about ourselves and our healing. It is those loving giving souls on our path that support us in our search for self, to become the best we can be. We can but accept and pay it forward.

Jellyb you are a very important peer in my life, one of my tribe capable of loving dreams and with a wonderful future to come. An empath with an open heart, I once gave you a symbol of your heart, pink and glorious. I know the struggles, the illness and the work on healing. The self doubt and questioning which is a part of growth.

Some times I fear I am cursed and it saddens me. Those choices I made that I would so want to unmade, but to undo those would mean different losses and because of this alone my path would not be changed.

I have tried to forgive the G for fear I will not be forgiven. I know that I have no forgiveness in my heart in that quarter, but I know I no longer want karma and to chop his liver into pieces. I am reaching a place of indifference, which is down the road from detachment. I no longer will even observe.

So be it.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Hi Lady V, your last paragraph is the secret to moving forward. You don't need to forgive but you do need to get to indifference.

Also you are far from cursed, I'm not going to list the positives in your life because I know you are aware of them deep down.

Stay strong , Rd

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Originally Posted By: rd500
Hi Lady V, your last paragraph is the secret to moving forward. You don't need to forgive but you do need to get to indifference.

Also you are far from cursed, I'm not going to list the positives in your life because I know you are aware of them deep down.

Stay strong , Rd


RD, my Internet bruv who has chatted and encouraged in dark days, your generous gift of Internet nieces and nephews are so lifting to my soul.

If I could gather all my tribe at the big house and have a party in the Orchard with all your crew, J5k and his lovely boys, Edz and his cat, Jellyb, Zues and his cues, RL, Cadet, Joe, my FB tribe, Sotto, Pink, Zelda, GG, PP, Sunny, Dawm, OD, and everyone who loves them....

I would be so so happy

So very very happy

Even Doodler could come to lead the dancing with job and Sandi

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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