I believe in INTEL I do believe in knowing. But it will unfold in time, you will know, it will become clear. I did approach an OWH and he thought it was amusing, "just the way she is".
Once you know you can never unknow.
However I suspect you already do. In this I agree with Cadet, you aren't as much seeking INTEL as you are her admitting it.
Because waywards always become more wayward.
So the correct stance is "we both know the truth already WW,....."
INTEL is to know, snooping is to pick a scab.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
So what you are saying is that I’m just snooping, I know the answer but I want to keep picking at the scab. But what I see is that she will continue to pretend until I have hard evidence. I don’t know if I think she will have a change of heart once she knows that I really know, I think that’s what I’m hoping for. But you are right we both know the truth already, making her admit it is more for me. Somehow I think it will change something. So what do I do? I stop trying to prove it? Or do I wait? Maybe I should wait because if she comes clean on her own the I’m more likely to accept her. But if I force her to confess then she will never respect me. Help me understand.
Are you in a fault state? If so INTEL is vital for your D. Your L will need it.
Are you still having sex? If so condoms are needed.
I make no judgement on it at all.
It appears to me you know she is wayward and you know with whom. So all you are doing is picking at your own scab. And of course hard evidence and challenge will just harden the waywards entitlement. Shame or guilt or an attempt to create it is seen as control and manipulation by a wayward who wants to do as they please. It sends them deeper into their A. And much as you and I don't like scuzzy behaviour, the wayward is perfectly entitled to drop their knickers for any grot bag they please and they truly do affair down.
The strongest stance is "I am not putting up with being treated this way and honey bunch I am not going to be with a wayward. For I am a man only a fool would leave and you hot lips are an idiot."
And go use Sandi rules and concentrate on you. This process is about you becoming and growing and possibly having a new R with or without WW.
This isn't about OM it's about the junk going on in her wayward entitled noggin. Scrambled eggs for brains.
Concentrating on proof, when it will become clear in due course is distracting you from you. Preventing you from being detached and concentrating on you.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
My motivation at the moment of writing this was coming from getting revenge, and putting OM and WW on the hot seat. [color:#3366FF][/color]
Are you in a fault state? If so INTEL is vital for your D. Your L will need it.
No we are in a no fault state.
Are you still having sex? If so condoms are needed.
No sex, I won’t play second fiddle.
I make no judgement on it at all.
It appears to me you know she is wayward and you know with whom. So all you are doing is picking at your own scab. And of course hard evidence and challenge will just harden the waywards entitlement. Shame or guilt or an attempt to create it is seen as control and manipulation by a wayward who wants to do as they please. It sends them deeper into their A. And much as you and I don't like scuzzy behaviour, the wayward is perfectly entitled to drop their knickers for any grot bag they please and they truly do affair down.
The strongest stance is "I am not putting up with being treated this way and honey bunch I am not going to be with a wayward. For I am a man only a fool would leave and you hot lips are an idiot."
And go use Sandi rules and concentrate on you. This process is about you becoming and growing and possibly having a new R with or without WW.
This isn't about OM it's about the junk going on in her wayward entitled noggin. Scrambled eggs for brains.
Concentrating on proof, when it will become clear in due course is distracting you from you. Preventing you from being detached and concentrating on you.
My previous post came out wrong, I guess my anger has taken over me. I spent the weekend away with my brothers in the hopes that I would get my mind off of things. And it did for a bit but then the anger kept creeping back into my head and I wanted revenge. But as I look at it now, what’s the point? I have my answers I know what she did, I may not no all the details but it’s pretty clear what it was.
Even though I tell myself that I don’t have any expectations but I do. I keep thinking that she will come to me and ask for forgiveness and we will work it out. But as the days past I’m starting to think that’s a fantasy. Part of me wants to fast forward to the acceptance stage of it all. However I believe working through the pain and anger is beneficial for me in the long run. This pain will make me a stronger person.
Direct it, use it to drive you forward. Truly use it.
White anger (ala Zues) to create movement, to motivate you.
It's part of the Kubler Ross cycle and identifies a forward shift to healing. It's vital, those of us who don't have it wander around cheeseless tunnels for much longer. Anger dynamite the way out of those tunnels.
Don't waste your anger on revenge (red) or on disgust (green), just go straight to WTF and STFU. Move on.
It is a precious time and oh so brief. Action plan needed I feel.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
My motivation at the moment of writing this was coming from getting revenge, and putting OM and WW on the hot seat
Are you in a fault state? If so INTEL is vital for your D. Your L will need it.
No, we are in a no fault state.
Are you still having sex? If so condoms are needed.
No sex, I won’t play second fiddle.
I make no judgement on it at all.
It appears to me you know she is wayward and you know with whom. So all you are doing is picking at your own scab. And of course hard evidence and challenge will just harden the waywards entitlement. Shame or guilt or an attempt to create it is seen as control and manipulation by a wayward who wants to do as they please. It sends them deeper into their A. And much as you and I don't like scuzzy behaviour, the wayward is perfectly entitled to drop their knickers for any grot bag they please and they truly do affair down.
The strongest stance is "I am not putting up with being treated this way and honey bunch I am not going to be with a wayward. For I am a man only a fool would leave and you hot lips are an idiot."
And go use Sandi rules and concentrate on you. This process is about you becoming and growing and possibly having a new R with or without WW.
This isn't about OM it's about the junk going on in her wayward entitled noggin. Scrambled eggs for brains.
Concentrating on proof, when it will become clear in due course is distracting you from you. Preventing you from being detached and concentrating on you.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thanks for fixing that for me. Just an update things got really ugly at the home the other night. I had just come back from visiting family after 4 days away from home, however I came back very angry. I broke a bunch of the rules, I engaged in talks about the R that I already knew the answers to, I was trying once again to get her to admit to the A but she didn't she only got madder, and then I demanding respect from her and her adult sons which also made things more difficult since her son decided to get aggressive and punch things and throw things. I needed to call the police on him and was kindly told I can not kick him out.
The next day I knew that this was truly over, she has zero love for me, zero respect and has no interest in me in anyway. I also recorded conversations between her and her son and they are openly mocking me and speaking about me in such a negative way. The level of disrespect as at a point where It's as if I was the worst person in the world. Now mind you I may have not been a perfect husband step father, but I was good to them. I was a good husband that give the family all kinds of tools and opportunities. I never miss treated them or disrespected them. I just feel like i'm dirt to them, they have all turned their back on me, I no longer recognize anyone in my home, besides my little girl.
So I think i'm finally coming to the realization that this relationship has run its course. I know it was not right for a very long time, sometimes I think i knew that from the beginning, I just really wanted it to work. She seemed on the surface as the right girl for me, but I think it was more superficial then anything else. Now I was trying to hold on just to take the hurt away, not because it was a good relationship. I want this pain to go away fast but I know it doesn't work that way.
My WW has treated me very poorly, she has dragged me threw the mud and has disrespected me and treated me like an crazy person. I can never respect someone like that has turned the back on me. I no longer wanted revenge, even though sometimes the thought does creep back in to my head. All I want is my peace in my life again and to be able to sleep the whole night through.
Manny Don't waste your anger on revenge (red) or on disgust (green), just go straight to WTF and STFU. Move on.
It is a precious time and oh so brief. Action plan needed I feel.
V
Thank you Vanilla for this it really hit me like a bullet, I started to get stuck on the whole revenge thing, but I think the anger is better used to move forward. I'm a good guy, and I know only a fool would leave, It's time to wipe the tears and look forward to building a beautiful life with my 3 kids, the right person will come when the time is right.
