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A Message from Michele
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Re: Sandi2's 37 Rules #2 [Re: hoosjim] #2795540
06/12/18 07:44 AM
06/12/18 07:44 AM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,010
NY
Cadet Offline OP

Member
Cadet  Offline OP

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,010
NY
Originally Posted By: hoosjim
Cadet, Hi!

Just wondering out loud here if Sandi's WW threads might not be worth a "sticky" up here at the top of the forum, maybe under the heading of something like "Do you have a Wayward Wife?" or "Walk-away Wife or Wayward Wife?" You know, something to put that issue front and center.

I suggest that because it has been my sense after being on here for a while that a substantial percentage (even a majority, maybe) of the folks on this forum, and definitely a majority of the LBHs on here are dealing with what Sandi2 refers to as a "Wayward" wife. This has even been more pronounced it seems as of late where it seems like almost every new thread deals with that dynamic.

I wonder how many people come on here, miss that distinction, and make a mis-step or don't get started down the right path as quickly as they could. I know that my own first foray onto these boards was overwhelming to me in the amount of information available. IT was partially because of this and because of not finding a "lifeline" right away that i vanished for a couple of months.

Sandi2's "Rules" are pure gold, but i am wondering if, just below those, having the "WW" threads available might provide new posters faced with that dynamic with some much-needed context.

Just a thought on how to make an already awesome place maybe just a tad better (purely imho, of course);

Thanks again for all y'all do!

Thanks for the comment but I do not think that we need more sticky threads.

The link is listed in post #1 at the top and it is provided in every welcome post I give, I can only lead people to the water I can not make them drink it.

I will repeat it here because when I just went to EDIT that POST it blanked out on me and I do not feel like dealing with it right now.

Series Links

Links to this series of threads

First thread
For Newcomer LBH with a Wayward Wife
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2545554&page=1

Second thread
For the Newcomer LBH who has a wayward wife Part 2
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2548490#Post2548490

Third thread
For the LBH who has a WW Part 3
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2551039#Post2551039

4th thread
Guide for LBH who has a Wayward Wife
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2551811#Post2551811

5th thread
Help for LBH who has a WW (new thread)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2593214#Post2593214

6th thread
Sandi's reflections
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2653323#Post2653323





Last edited by Cadet; 06/12/18 07:47 AM.

Me-65, D32,S31
Re: Sandi2's 37 Rules #2 [Re: hoosjim] #2795721
06/13/18 06:16 AM
06/13/18 06:16 AM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,663
O
OrangeK Offline
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OrangeK  Offline
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O
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,663
I wasn't doing these 100% and have paid for it in personal pain. This is a must. a core tenant. For any newbie reading this, learn from my error and ABIDE BY THESE 100%


M: 30, EX-W: 30, S:4
M: Sept 16'
A: Jan 17'
WW Left: Oct '17,
EXW Filed TRO: Jan 18',
I Filed D: Feb 18',
TRO Extended 1 yr - May 18'
Final Hearing - Sept 11th 18'
D Final Dec. 18'
TPO on FIL Oct 18'
Re: Sandi2's 37 Rules #2 [Re: OrangeK] #2798959
07/02/18 02:34 AM
07/02/18 02:34 AM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,663
O
OrangeK Offline
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OrangeK  Offline
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Posts: 1,663
Sandi, I know my Wife is a bit of a unique case and not really a WW, but how well does a WW usually respond if the Rules are Not followed (or not known about at all) by the LBH, and they make MANY mistakes with the rules in the first few months after DB, and then begin adhering to them a few months in, as opposed to a LBH that begins implementing the rules right at BD?


M: 30, EX-W: 30, S:4
M: Sept 16'
A: Jan 17'
WW Left: Oct '17,
EXW Filed TRO: Jan 18',
I Filed D: Feb 18',
TRO Extended 1 yr - May 18'
Final Hearing - Sept 11th 18'
D Final Dec. 18'
TPO on FIL Oct 18'
Re: Sandi2's 37 Rules #2 [Re: OrangeK] #2798993
07/02/18 03:59 AM
07/02/18 03:59 AM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,663
O
OrangeK Offline
Member
OrangeK  Offline
Member
O
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,663
it even occurs to me that having a modified version of the 37 rules specific to the LBH that is already separated or even in divorce process may be a helpful tool


M: 30, EX-W: 30, S:4
M: Sept 16'
A: Jan 17'
WW Left: Oct '17,
EXW Filed TRO: Jan 18',
I Filed D: Feb 18',
TRO Extended 1 yr - May 18'
Final Hearing - Sept 11th 18'
D Final Dec. 18'
TPO on FIL Oct 18'
Re: Sandi2's 37 Rules #2 [Re: OrangeK] #2807157
08/15/18 09:23 PM
08/15/18 09:23 PM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,663
O
OrangeK Offline
Member
OrangeK  Offline
Member
O
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,663
Originally Posted by OrangeK
it even occurs to me that having a modified version of the 37 rules specific to the LBH that is already separated or even in divorce process may be a helpful tool

Bump for interest?? id still love to see something like this.


M: 30, EX-W: 30, S:4
M: Sept 16'
A: Jan 17'
WW Left: Oct '17,
EXW Filed TRO: Jan 18',
I Filed D: Feb 18',
TRO Extended 1 yr - May 18'
Final Hearing - Sept 11th 18'
D Final Dec. 18'
TPO on FIL Oct 18'
Re: Sandi2's 37 Rules #2 [Re: Cadet] #2860217
08/05/19 09:07 PM
08/05/19 09:07 PM
Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 178
H
HopeCA Offline
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HopeCA  Offline
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H
Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 178
Hi there,

I already have my own thread, but I have a question specific to sandiís rules, so Iím hoping this is the right place to ask?

My H has said repeatedly that he wanted a a wife who would be his friend (the clear implication being that I was not a friend to him). Iím trying to figure out the best approach to this; I think I should do a 180 on this and show that I was/am his friend. BUT, after a lot of cake eating on his part I believe, and have made it clear to him, that he doesnít deserve my friendship outside of our marriage. Iím trying to figure out which way to go on this, as Iím worried that maybe my withholding of my friendship (by way of scarce conversation and the like) has been a lot of ďmore of the sameĒ in his sites. I welcome any and all thoughts!

Re: Sandi2's 37 Rules #2 [Re: HopeCA] #2860845
08/09/19 06:17 PM
08/09/19 06:17 PM
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,065
S
sandi2 Offline
Member
sandi2  Offline
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S
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,065
Hi Hope, sorry I'm just now seeing your post. Are you asking about Rule #15?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Re: Sandi2's 37 Rules #2 [Re: sandi2] #2860856
08/09/19 09:02 PM
08/09/19 09:02 PM
Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 178
H
HopeCA Offline
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HopeCA  Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 178
Hi Sandi!

Yes, exactly. The last time he mentioned wanting us to be friends, after a year of major cake eating on his part (and allowing said cake eating on my part) I told him directly that I canít offer him my friendship outside of our marriage. BUT one of his main complaints about me is that I wasnít his friend when he was still in the marriage.
All that said, Iím trying to figure out how I can show that Iím capable of being a good friend to him, without giving too much of myself or allowing more cake eating, and while still keeping my conversation fairly scarce.
I almost feel that those desired outcomes are in conflict with one another; I feel like to 180 the ďnot being his friendĒ id have to be more friendly then perhaps the rule would ask of a typical LBS?
I so appreciate your response! Thank you!

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