Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 11 1 2 3 4 10 11
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 469
J
Joe2017 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 469
Oh so here's a question for everyone: should I inform her that I am leaving, or just leave? I don't see any difference between the two, other than her trying to start a fight before rather than after the two of us are gone.


Save yourself. Nobody is coming!
BD:11/2017
Filed:12/2017
Final: 2/2018
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 937
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 937
Joe, I'm not in my right mind right now but I'd inform her if I were you.

Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,045
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,045
Originally Posted By: NicoleR
Joe, I'm not in my right mind right now but I'd inform her if I were you.


I agree with this.

What kind of schedule are you looking at? I think it's reasonable to give notice when you are moving out. Also, I think you will need to have a plan about how to divide the expenses related to the MH. Are you planning to just walk away and leave her all of the bills?

What is the plan for your son? What is the plan for maintaining a relationship with her son?

Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 469
J
Joe2017 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 469
No, bills will still be divided per the divorce paperwork. I will let her contact S16, that is OK. She has not let me talk to S14 for over a week now, so I have no idea about that.

I will inform her of my intentions, then.


Save yourself. Nobody is coming!
BD:11/2017
Filed:12/2017
Final: 2/2018
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 469
J
Joe2017 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 469
Early this morning WW approached me to stop the conflict in a calm way. I repeated several times that she has instigated all of it, which she acknowledged. I had the conversation with her and reiterated my stance regarding not standing in way of the D. I was cordial yet cautious. I left the lighthouse lit and the road clear, without indicating that I wanted her to take the road at all.

I have not told her that we are leaving. I'm wondering if telling her will enrage her or not. I guess either way, it doesn't matter. A WW does not need an excuse to rage.


Save yourself. Nobody is coming!
BD:11/2017
Filed:12/2017
Final: 2/2018
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 718
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 718
Originally Posted By: Joe2017
A WW does not need an excuse to rage.


I think it's all in the presentation. If you callously say "You b%$#h, I'm leaving", you'll get one reaction, but "I can see this living arrangement is not healthy for any of us, and I feel we'd all be better off if I moved out" would elicit another.

Good luck


M:23 T:26
Me:53, Wife: 60
S:18
D:16
filed 7/16
W moved out 4/28/17
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 469
J
Joe2017 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 469
I have been doing my best not to approach her with anything but either kindness, care, or indifference when necessary. I will tell her it is for the best, etc.

I feel very defeated. I feel like I've lost at DBing. I have been good at executing my DBing. Consistent. I've upgraded myself quite a bit in only two months. But a MR requires two people. She's not on board in the least. And she is being a terror to our family.

It weighs heavily on my heart, but I've just got to walkaway now.

I just have to figure out what to say now.


Save yourself. Nobody is coming!
BD:11/2017
Filed:12/2017
Final: 2/2018
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 191
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 191
2 months is a short time. I'm just past the 2 month mark myself. No progress on a Recon. But progress made on myself. Keep on working on you, doing you, and being the best you that you can. Every week you're a little bit better version of yourself. Trauma like this can often lead to startling growth. Lead the way. Maybe she'll follow, but that's not on you.

I'm about to start separation, too. Hopefully distance will bring about space enough for healing for all sides.


Me: Mid 40s W : Early 40s
M:11 T:13
S, D, both 7-10
BD : 11/2017
Separation : 1/18
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 718
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 718
You haven't lost yet. She may never come around, but 2 months is not a very long time in which to see the results of your efforts.


M:23 T:26
Me:53, Wife: 60
S:18
D:16
filed 7/16
W moved out 4/28/17
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 469
J
Joe2017 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 469
Wow, I never thought I'd one day describe myself as "walkaway" LOL crazy


Save yourself. Nobody is coming!
BD:11/2017
Filed:12/2017
Final: 2/2018
Page 2 of 11 1 2 3 4 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Link Copied to Clipboard