Really sorry Cnut, D certainly isn't fun. But it may or may not be the end of your R with your XW, you just never know what the future holds. I have a friend that recently remarried his XW after 5 years and another that was for all intents and purposes D'd even though they never filed, and recently reconciled after 2 years of zero contact. Regardless, I'm confident your future holds awesome things for you
It doesn't take but a few minutes to pronounce a couple man & wife. It doesn't take but a few minutes to declare a couple divorced. The time leading up to either event can be quite stressful, but has different outcomes.
A wedding is the highest point of the couple's relationship (with the exception of the birth of their children). A wedding is a happy experience that's hard to top, b/c of the joy and hope it promises for the future.
A divorce is the lowest point of the couple's relationship. It is a sorrowful experience. It signifies the end, and dividing what once was a whole. However, there is a direction available for the individuals, and it is upward.
Another Stander spoke of the couples he knows personally that reunited after they split. The longer I observe people IRL and those on the board, I am convinced that taking time apart can actually save many marriages. When I read of the horrible conditions some people go through while living together under the same roof, it is harder for me to not tell them to physically separate in order to save themselves, and hopefully, the MR. As a kid, I saw this a lot....and in most of those cases I knew about, the couples did reconcile. These days, couples live together until the day the divorce is final. By staying under the same roof too long, they cause more strain and deterioration, IMHO. If there was to ever be a second chance, they lose it by living together until they can't stomach each other.
Well, I didn't mean to get off into all of that ^^^^. Coconut, I hope you will be able to find closure eventually. Maybe the divorce decree will lighten your emotional burden and you will feel freer. I've not been through the experience myself, but my kids have and it was painful to see their hurt. They pulled through it, and one remarried. There is life after divorce!
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
A new year is starting. Past is left behind. Keep behind those "what if..." too. Go on with the GAL. Keep walking with that same dignity that you have shown us in all this trip. Stay strong. As Sandy says, feel the freedom. Go for it.
(((Coco)))
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Sorry to hear about this. End of the road legally, but not necessarily emotionally.
Emotional divorce precedes the legal divorce. Better to be legally divorced but emotionally connected than the other way round. So you're legally divorced now - up to you whether you want to try to get emotionally connected.
Coconut, I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. I'll soon be in your shoes. A lot of the things being discussed here are the same things I'm wondering about. Did you and your ex hug or talk at all after that? What do you think it'll be like when you see her now?
