Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 10 11
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
V
Vanilla Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
Thank you Sandi and Surfer.

Haven't heard from you for a while Surfer, how are you? Do you plan an update?

How is crazy loco land?

And the kids?

It would be lovely to know.

Sandi, I duck and dive, next week a hearing for a non mol order which is an injunction to keep him away for 6 months. I should get it because of the domestic abuse history.

I really am frightened of this man, more now than ever.

I truly wish he would GO AWAY.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 1,273
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 1,273
Vanilla

All really quite good mostly. Processing the D at present. Abusive behaviour and WW for years, intensity of abuse and W leaving and being gone with kids for 12 months meant it was time to move on. So I did. Happier now than I have been in years and so are the kids (thanks for asking). Only popped back as I had a recent (and increasingly very rare) wobble due to the post traumatic fear I got from a recent rant from the STBXW in front of the kids. One of those that really sets you back. Anyway. All good again now. Only lasted 3 days and it has been 6 months perhaps since the last one. I am gong to change custody arrangements to totally minimise contact with STBXW and then these events will be so unlikely.
Given your worry about the G, going to ground is you best protection I am sure. He will of course obsessively go over and over where you might be and with whom and want to rant as you are not there at his back and call. But what more can you do than get yourself some peace of mind in a safe place?

Have you gone to ground before when you have seen similar behaviour? Does he eventually move on?

I’ll do a full update at some point but I would rather wait for the D to be finalised. All good however comparatively. Take care.

Surfer.


M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids
Issues2009
Wpartying w/g.f's2013on
EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR
ImeetAP/EAhalts
VariousBDDates
MFCourse
WSpew
EAresumes I halt
Wrages
DBIng4/2016




Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
V
Vanilla Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
Surfer than you for the update, I had been concerned for you and the children when I noticed the rage pattern in you STBEX WW. It doesn't show often on the board but when those shining moments arise it's really frightening for all.

I think all you can do is get clear, and outhe of harms way. These types of rages (including thrashing) are easy to deny and they are dangerous because of low impulse control.

The G rages, in fact I went back and observed my posts from 2015 and read how dangerous it was. I didn't want to see it or accept it. In fact I wrote I felt that contempt wasn't a boundary for me. Something picked up by Sandi, Edz and Jim. The wonderful perceptive greengrass was my guide in those dark days and helped me through it. I doubt I would be here now if I hadn't had that insight.

I thought it was me and I deserved it.

I have studied this in great depth and taken abuse counsellor exams, now I am taking the legal ones too. Knowledge helps a great deal in finding strategies to cope.

Getting out of the way, going NC (I am a complete master at NC and the ways to accomplish it), having been silent NC for periods.

I notice the pattern Surfer, break NC and let the abuser back in and peace of mind goes. That's what happens, gets you every time, I recollect your spell break which was a dramatic shining moment of WW rage and venom. It frightened me for you and your children. I confess to fear on your behalf.

It is a great relief to me to know that you are well and healing even if there was a wobble. It happens, indeed this year's D fin hearing was very frightening for me. It cost me but I fought him through the courts.

I have similar fears for Rednail. Hers was the most frightening situation ever on this board for me anyway. Yours counts up there too. When I say dodged a bullet, I mean literally. You and I have been lucky to get away, others might not be.

Thank you for the update. Stay protected and for your children as much as you can.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
Vanilla,

Merry Christmas! I know that this Christmas will be difficult for you w/your aged pa not there. But, he's there in your heart and he will always be there when you need him the most. He's looking down on you and smiling and thinking what a wonderful daughter he has.

Please take care of yourself.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
V
Vanilla Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
Thank you Job
Spent today at aged pa flat sorting some things and theno a meal with glam sis, clever nephew, beautiful niece and Dr nephew.

Great great news, beautiful nice is 4 months pregnant, I am sure aged pa will be smiling ear to ear wherever he is.

Such amazing news, a new generation to come.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,227
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,227
Hi Lady V, just to echo Job and to say congrats for your niece, circle of life !!

Take care, Rd

Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
V
Vanilla Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
Happy Xmas RD, to you and those that have a special place in your heart.

As of course so does my lovely RD and my Internet nieces and nephews hold in my own.

An Emerald greeting to you, with a glass of the lovely stuff at Xmas.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
V
Vanilla Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
2018 is going to be my most ambitious year yet

1. Extreme self care means I am enthusiastically using my genetic test results to loose those last 10lbs and build more muscle
2. I am joyously dancing 3 times a month on average minimum AND am attending two dance weekends
3. I am easily passing my law exams and i start my second year of study because I enjoy learning so much
4. I am get a non molestation order filed by me to encourage my own safety
5. I attend the meetups of my abuse group at least once a month and I participate actively
6. I am taking appropriate action to protect my fins
7. I am lovingly moving towards opening my heart by sketchbook journaling every day and deeply considering feedback given in IC
8. I stabilised my fins and settled with the G completely which means selling the big house
9. I visit my friends often and enjoy their company that includes this board

That's it for now folks on actions and goals

My thought challenges from last year will get updated for behaviour changes and revised beliefs

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
V
Vanilla Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
Happy New Years eve.

See you on the other side

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,227
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,227
Happy New year lady V

Take care , Rd

Page 3 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard