Working through recon. Life is full of mountains

[Jim1234]

So happy to hear things are going well for you.

[neffer]

It all takes time JJ. I quit on OW two years ago, working on my marriage. Well...my mind longs for those unwanted memories...I know it is the adiction so I´m fighting them back. Often reading forum advices to keep my own mind boundaries. It is a long journey and it takes time.
Glad for your present situation. Keep DB

[AnotherStander]

Joe,
Great update, thank you for continuing to keep us informed of your progress! A lot of new people here get discouraged that there aren't more success stories, but it's usually because people just quit posting when things turn around. It's always great to hear success stories though, and it's very helpful to see posts like yours where you talk about the struggles you are going through in recon. People need to know that recon doesn't mean the struggles and hard work are over! If anything the hardest work STARTS at recon.

Last week I went on a work trip. Most of the trip I did good. The last two days I start to spiral a little and I let some bad thoughts take control. I work through them best as possible.

Recovery isn't linear, so what you are going through is normal!

I informed her on Saturday I was having some of those thoughts and she brought up some good points.

That's awesome, I bet you never had that level of communication with her before BD!

Yesterday, we made love 3 times. She told me "I love you", an endless amount of times. She informed me she wants to renew our vowels and get matching tatts. So the journey continues.

Great news! Sounds like she's all-in!

Some advice, I want to give is, be patient with your W, be patient with your Kids, be patient with this process, be patient with yourself, and be patient with patience.

Take your time and let the healing and process work, I'm a very impatient person, but as I work thru this, I now understand that expectations need to be monitored and quilled. Love yourself so you can love others.

The process don't end when reconciling begins, a new process just begins.

Excellent advice, well said.

Keep you'll heads up LBS's. I can't think the Sandi's and 25's, and AS enough for the advice and the J9, holding, Jim1234 and all the others for the support. What a GOD sent this place is.

You are welcome! Glad to hear I played some small part in your recon along with the other great vets here, that really makes my day

[TBSakaJ9]

Great update JJ.....just remember the G&R song "Patience".

Little patience
Need a little patience
Just a little patience
Some more patience
Need some patience
Could use some patience
Gotta have some patience
All it takes is patience
Just a little patience
Is all you need

[joejoe1]

Nef,

From your perspective, what was the hardest thing your W had to deal with. What are her main concerns, and does she still ask questions after two years?

What made you want to come back. I haven't read your thread, but if you could give me a brief summary that would be cool. Did you love your W more than the AP? Or was that not a factor in your return? How long did it take for you to stop contacting the AP after you decided to go back to your M? And how is your M going now?

[joejoe1]

AS and J9,

Thanks for the comments. AS, you are exactly right, recovery is not linear, it's up and down, just like a roller coaster. The piecing thread is do dead, that I wanted to consolidate my journey, so people have a reference to go to. Also finding info and real life examples of piecing is hard, because many people don't openly discuss their infidelity, their shame. But it's affects a lot of M, so I would hope that more information starts to come out to help others in the future.

[joejoe1]

Well, It's been a while since I have posted about my sitch. My wife and I are still moving along. I don't know what to say other than we have chose to love each other. We have disagreements like normal couples, but now we don't let them fester and we compromise a lot better now. She is a amazing mother and woman, she is working hard to try and be an amazing wife. I'm working or becoming an amazing husband, father and man. We have chosen to recommit ourselves to each other and it awesome.

To be honest it's not really any bad days, we do have up and downs in discussions. It's been over a year since BD and over a year since I discovered the A. The thoughts have subsided mostly, they come back every now and again. But for the most part, I have normal thoughts. I use to think about my M and W my whole drive home and to work. And I use to listen to videos about M and R all the time, now I listen to CNN.

I have picked up an extra job, my W and I has never had a honeymoon and we barely traveled and did things just the two of us. It still hasn't happen, but I have a trip lined up for next weekend. Our first one in years.

I see BLU posted, she is very inspirational. LBS please read her post when she post.

I'm still working on staying positive and not falling back in to those old habits.

I love my wife and my family, but one of the big differences now, is I understand, that the love I have for my wife, I chose to have. I love myself just as much now as well.

This forum will help you get thru those hard times, but only if the advice given is used.

[AnotherStander]

Hey Joe!! Glad to hear things are going well, very nice of you to pop back in with an update! Always good to hear from you

[SteveLW]

I'm still working on staying positive and not falling back in to those old habits.

Hey Joe, what do you know? (SOrry just watched A.I. the other night and couldn't help myself!)

I'm still working on staying positive and not falling back in to those old habits.

BAM this is it right here. FOr those of us that have moved on to recon, staying diligent to solidify our changes is mandatory. Those that fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

[Davide]

BAM this is it right here. FOr those of us that have moved on to recon, staying diligent to solidify our changes is mandatory. Those that fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

I think this is true for all of us, recon or not.