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lcause Offline OP
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If you plan on helping people, I urge you to read what depression is. It is an illness, just like thyroid deficiency or cancer, it is not a "feeling" as you so eloquently put it.

Some people need to eat antidepressants for their entire life after it has been diagnosed. I have been DIAGNOSED and already eat an A/D that does not work.


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Originally Posted By: lcause
If you plan on helping people, I urge you to read what depression is. It is an illness, just like thyroid deficiency or cancer, it is not a "feeling" as you so eloquently put it.


Just so you are aware.

I work for the Health Service. MENTAL health. It is part of my job.

I would like to wager a bet that I am more qualified than you and work with more people who suffer from depression - so stop keep telling me to read about it and that I don't understand. I live it.

How was your diagnosis confirmed? Through tests? Or simply through you explaining to your Dr you feel down enough times for him to accept that you are depressed?

I know how it all works.

The image you are portraying is the reason you cant do certain things and don't feel pleasure is because of an issue and chemical imbalance in your brain.. How was this confirmed?

I KNOW/WITNESS that a large percentage of people are able to recover from depression do so by working with an IC to identify areas of their life they are thankful for and focusing on activities and goals which gives them a purpose.

Focusing on the things they are thankful for in their lives is the key factor to initiate the recovery journey.

So like I said, apart from going to your Dr and explaining you feel down etc.. What medical feedback have you got that identifies a chemical imbalance in your system?

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Lcause, what Benito is writing to you is very helpful. You dont help yourself if you keep looking for who to blame or what to blame for your situation. You may not like what Benito proposing but that is tough love. You may not be reponsible for what others (like you W) do to you but you can choose how you want it to affect you. Choosing to blame others and self pity destroys you. Rather when you choose to work on yourself and get yourself out of that hole you will come out a winner. You might not win her back but become a better person happier and more fulfilled.


M 11 Dated for 4 years before then
Me 35 H 39
D 10
BD Feb 2016
A 2015 Dec
I was never in a R with the OM. Had a one night stand & I stopped contact immediately
I confessed the A to H and we went for MC
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Originally Posted By: Benito
Hi Holding,

Thanks for your comment.

I look at gingers comment earlier in this thread and can see that when some people are pushed into a corner, like her, with depression, a child to look after and job to uphold, she pushed through the hurt and pain to create a better life for herself. This is exactly the right frame of mind to have and the ONLY way to succeed when we are faced with such adversity.

No excuses or reasons why - Just a fight back to the life she wanted. Nothing would keep her down.

IMO LC has now fell into the - I'm a 'depressed person' - That’s my identity now. I have no power.

The problem is when people fall into the 'no power' game. Its easy to do this as the person takes no responsibility for their situation and would rather spend time and efforts researching the reason why, rather than living in the moment, accepting what is, and moving on regardless. What they fail to realise that irrelevant or not if they have the best excuse in the world.. It is still NO excuse for not living the life you want to live. The clock will keep on ticking regardless and its another day wasted focusing on reasons why and the only person who loses is LC.

Cant sleep / no energy / no passion = Fight through it, get up and make something happen.

Or take the easy route (give up) and blame something for feeling that way.

A few posts ago he were told this :

Originally Posted By: lcause
Thanks. It really was a flip of a switch. And reframing let me see how many positives this has. I'm not a match with this woman and I now believe I've been depressed due to our R. So it is better for both of us.


As he states above he believes the relationship MADE him depressed. So was it the chemical imbalance or was it the relationship? - Either way its once again pointing fingers away from himself.

I asked for factual information yesterday. But I received abuse back because it challenged his belief system. LC you seem to have gone from someone who is struggling to get out of bed until 4pm in the afternoon, to someone who is now a brain chemistry expert with no factual evidence to back this up. Once again as per your previous threads, it very much seems like you are trying to convince us/yourself of why you are feeling down - rather than putting in the hard effort required to heal because you get no pleasure from it.

Your reasoning is "I get no rewarding feeling from doing things that other people do" - are you an expert on the brain chemistry of others now?.. How do you know what others feel when they do something? - Is it not a possibility that people have felt similar to you and battled through the periods of no joy, until things have started to turn around?. How much chemicals are released in my brain when I started here? You have no idea - but still you think your situation is different - because it gives you a 'valid' reason to stay in the hole you are in.

You are giving people advise on other threads, about how bad it is to jump into another relationship straight away, and then on this thread you try to convince us that you have done more research that actually suggests a few random relationships will actually help the healing process. You are giving advise one way and then completely doing something different yourself, which others on here have already picked you up for.

LC you are so wrapped up in your own "story of me" and how this affliction you have is causing your brain to rob you of all of the pleasures in life that have convinced yourself that you have no choice/option/hope.

What it seems you want is people to feel sorry for you, while you go onto other peoples threads and give them advise that you are not following yourself.

Your posts jump from "I'm happy now I have learned about reframing", "I want to start acting" etc.., then it all changes a few days later and your back to square one and you cant even get out of bed and nothing makes you happy anymore, when a few days earlier you were saying you have never felt more alive and positive about the future.

There are people taking time out of their busy day to offer help and advise in the hope that it helps someone improve their situation.

Why don't you actually stop jumping from one idea to another, i.e. uni, acting, reframing, neurotransmitters etc.. Etc.. And just get back to basics.

Piece of paper and write down some goals and be honest with yourself and write down the steps it will take to reach of those goals and follow it through? - without blaming or pointing fingers at 'how hard it is' or 'how tired you are'?

In conclusion, if you want to a totally honest view on something you can get it if you really want it. i.e. You might think your diet is ok.. But a look the mirror will tell you how good it actually is - the muffin top says otherwise. Now its time to diet.

In relation to your life at the moment from the information you have given us; you don’t live in your own home, you have a job you don’t like, you don’t like spending time with friends and the mother of your children is with other man. That’s the factual (none judgemental) situation you are in.

Without blaming dopamine or depression, ask yourself why you are were you are.

This certainly might not be the helpful post you require as it doesn’t allow you to continue to wallow- But I know for a fact this is the approach that was given to me by other Vet members on this board, and despite the tears and lack of reward system in my brain I battled through and am very glad I did so. So I know the approach works.


Take it or leave it because its your life you are the one that feels powerless and depressed.


lcause reread this when you are calm. its not to hurt you but to help you. This is not an attack but very objective advice.


M 11 Dated for 4 years before then
Me 35 H 39
D 10
BD Feb 2016
A 2015 Dec
I was never in a R with the OM. Had a one night stand & I stopped contact immediately
I confessed the A to H and we went for MC
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 454
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lcause Offline OP
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Haha. You should know better then than this. Best if you take your time elsewhere and let the professionals deal with my case. I didn't ask for your approval whether I have an imbalance or not. I let the next psychiatrist decide it.


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Originally Posted By: Lovelyp
Lcause, what Benito is writing to you is very helpful. You dont help yourself if you keep looking for who to blame or what to blame for your situation. You may not like what Benito proposing but that is tough love. You may not be reponsible for what others (like you W) do to you but you can choose how you want it to affect you. Choosing to blame others and self pity destroys you. Rather when you choose to work on yourself and get yourself out of that hole you will come out a winner. You might not win her back but become a better person happier and more fulfilled.


Exactly... None of us are getting commission for this.

Its in our own time to help people

If it wasn't the truth - It wouldn't hurt as much

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Don't give up lcause. You are not a quitter. Look inside you and take time to cal yourself down. Focus on you and GAL, you will get better and your future will be brighter. Dont throw in the towel. Work on yourself and focus on yourself and become a better person. You will come out stronger and happier. It will work out for the best. Sometimes we focus so much on something and think our happiness is a function of a, b or c. We get that and we are not happy. So I urge you to focus on healint, building yourself, character, setting own goals and take it one day at a time. DON'T GIVE UP.


M 11 Dated for 4 years before then
Me 35 H 39
D 10
BD Feb 2016
A 2015 Dec
I was never in a R with the OM. Had a one night stand & I stopped contact immediately
I confessed the A to H and we went for MC
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 449
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Originally Posted By: lcause
Haha. You should know better then than this. Best if you take your time elsewhere and let the professionals deal with my case. I didn't ask for your approval whether I have an imbalance or not. I let the next psychiatrist decide it.


Once again you ignore the question..

I didn't give you any approval for any imbalance.. YOU are telling US that you have a chemical imbalance.

You are being asked a simple question which you keep ignoring...

How was your diagnosis confirmed? Through tests? Or simply through you explaining to your Dr you feel down enough times for him to accept that you are depressed?

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lcause Offline OP
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You should know they never do tests or the tests aren't accurate. I feel down always. The only way I feel "happy" is to either do something for someone else or convince myself that I'm a good dude. That's just shallow and never lasts. I can't start doing anything. Even doing dishes has felt a task I can't complete. F#ck, if there's a picture I need to hang to the wall it might seem like an impossible task for me. That's been like it for years. I have just pushed myself always doing those while feeling really bad. I can't start anything I'd enjoy to do. No matter how much I push myself. The masters I did took me 300 hours or so in total but still ranged for a year. No matter how hard I push myself, motivate myself, nothing is working. Believe me I've tried. For years. I have contemplated on committing a suicide every year at least once since I was 14. I have always felt this way. I accepted it as my normal and was always scared to be blamed if I go to therapy. Believe me I don't appreciate a single thing in my life. Air? Food? Water? They are normal, how can you appreciate them? Kids? Shallow happiness... thats all talk and it just does not help. Now stop asking because I don't need any pity partying any more and get to so something more productive with your day. I'm getting the meds one way or another.


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Originally Posted By: lcause
Believe me I don't appreciate a single thing in my life.


Originally Posted By: lcause
Kids? Shallow happiness...


Wow.. just wow.

And you come on here posting about what influence the OM is going to have on your children.

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