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Originally Posted By: Maika
Okay - so I quickly went back and read some of your earlier posts to get a handle on your sitch.

She's not leaving, but wants to live a single life and have her own apartment - that's classic living in either a fantasy affair or there is someone already.

Looks like MC sessions aren't helping and her wanting to be your friend is not helping you either.

You're still in the marital bed with her but nothing going on right? Is that working for you?

So, what are you going to do?


Yes she has said that she misses having her own place so that she doesn't have to worry about anyone but her.

The MC sessions ended in the 2nd session when she refused to contribute so the MC said that he couldn't help her if she wouldn't talk to him. I'm still going. He basically told me to GAL and leave her behind.

Yes we are still in the marital bed with her hugging her side.

What am I going to do? I still want her back no matter what has happened. Essentially she says she wants to leave, my MC says to let her go and yet I am still hanging on in misery. The sad fact is that even this misery is nothing compared to my single life before her. I had one serious girlfriend when I was 19 who broke my heart so I didn't even try to date for the next decade. When I was 30 another girl came into my life who left me 3 months later. I then spent the next 3 years dating every POS on the internet and it was so awful that I swore off dating. A few years later my future wife who was a former co-worker met me for dinner. We talked as friends for a month and then began dating. Our relationship was wonderful and we were both so happy. Within 2 years we were married. 3 years into the marriage my Dad died unexpectedly and I fell apart. The W had to do everything for me but goto work. This went on for about 6 months. Appx a year after that was the bomb drop. She has said that she just couldn't handle it all and I wasn't there to support her. She's telling the truth. Her BD was my wakeup call. I've put my life back together and I'm better than ever. I just want another chance at what we had. To make things worse, I am an only child and the passing of my father is also the end of my family. I literally have nobody but her and her family. I'm scared to death of being alone again and will not go back to internet dating. So what am I doing? Getting trampled upon and putting up with it.


BD: 5/28/17 "We're like roommates, there is no passion anymore"
Early October she is moving out so she can "think about what she really wants in life"
10/22/17 She's gone
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Originally Posted By: Maika

Has she brought up moving out recently?


She hadn't mentioned it since the BD in late May and then out of the blue this past Saturday sends me a text about how one of the cats had wanted to cuddle with her all morning. Then she says I'm so tired of babysitting, I can't wait to leave here in a month.

I'm not sure how a 10 pound cat can ruin your whole day. I don't know what the significance of one month is because during the bomb drop she said she be gone in a year. None of her stories make any sense. I think it's some sort of MLC flight or fight mode.


BD: 5/28/17 "We're like roommates, there is no passion anymore"
Early October she is moving out so she can "think about what she really wants in life"
10/22/17 She's gone
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I would also add that a buddy of mine at work who is a former teen counselor thinks that the W cheated on me around the BD time frame and regrets it. He says that all of her P/A is to get me to turn into a meanie so that she has a reason to justify her actions.

FWIW I often find the W crying alone in bed. That could be depression, regret or still trying to choose which life she wants.


BD: 5/28/17 "We're like roommates, there is no passion anymore"
Early October she is moving out so she can "think about what she really wants in life"
10/22/17 She's gone
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There's a lot I want to respond with but I have to run. I will come back and respond.

In the meantime, read TxHubby's sitch here:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...478#Post2748478


No one is coming to save you!

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Update. Last night the W finally talked to me about her plans. She signed a 1 year lease on an apartment and will move in the first week of October. She told me that there is no OM and there never has been one. She just wants to be alone to focus on school and to decide what she really wants in life. She claims that I'm always home and smother her so she has no time to study. She also said that she doesn't want a D, she just needs time to think and she can't do it with me around. Of course her being behind in school and having to work multiple jobs to pay for things she shouldn't buy is my fault. In reality she has chosen those things, she could easily be a stay at home wife. As is always with a MLC/WAW you can't believe much of what they say.

On a side note I do feel much better after talking to her. With her gone, I'll be able to focus on myself.


BD: 5/28/17 "We're like roommates, there is no passion anymore"
Early October she is moving out so she can "think about what she really wants in life"
10/22/17 She's gone
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Quote:
She signed a 1 year lease on an apartment and will move in the first week of October.


This will be good for you - gives you time and space and also will allow you to GAL, detach, and drop the rope.

Quote:
She told me that there is no OM and there never has been one. She just wants to be alone to focus on school and to decide what she really wants in life.


I wouldn't believe anything she says at this point. There may not be an OM or evidence of an A, but there could totally also be a fantasy affair which is some perfect scenario in her head. Don't dwell on the A part, but I wouldn't trust her words right now.

Quote:
Of course her being behind in school and having to work multiple jobs to pay for things she shouldn't buy is my fault.


Of course. She needs to blame someone and that person is you. Once she moves out and you're not in the equation and around, she will slowly realize her problems are her problems and not you.

Quote:
As is always with a MLC/WAW you can't believe much of what they say.


Don't get hung up on the MLC part. People want to believe that their S is MLC because it gives them an excuse to not move on with their life and focus on themselves.

Quote:
With her gone, I'll be able to focus on myself.


Precisely what you need to start right now any ways. Don't wait until she moves out. Just start.


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mxdup Offline OP
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Thank you Maika, I really needed to hear those things.


BD: 5/28/17 "We're like roommates, there is no passion anymore"
Early October she is moving out so she can "think about what she really wants in life"
10/22/17 She's gone
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Let's jumpstart your DBing.

1. Do you have any health goals you want to achieve?

2. Do you have any other personal goals you want to achieve?

3. What are some activities you like doing?

4. What are some activities you were interested in or intrigued by, but never tried?

Also, considering how much contact you've had with her since BD as you were living in the same house, I would highly suggest that you do no contact and go dark once she moves out. At least for a little while to see what happens and how she reacts to it.

Make sure you come and post her reactions here so that folks can help you navigate it - whether its texts, emails, phone calls etc.


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mxdup Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Maika
Let's jumpstart your DBing.

1. Do you have any health goals you want to achieve?
Yes, I want to lose about 50 pounds. I was over 320 when we first started dating, got down to 220 but am currently about 270.

2. Do you have any other personal goals you want to achieve?
Just a pile of books that I want to read.

3. What are some activities you like doing?
Hiking, riding my mountain bike, movies, video games, bonfires with friends

4. What are some activities you were interested in or intrigued by, but never tried? Learn to play guitar

Also, considering how much contact you've had with her since BD as you were living in the same house, I would highly suggest that you do no contact and go dark once she moves out. At least for a little while to see what happens and how she reacts to it.

Make sure you come and post her reactions here so that folks can help you navigate it - whether its texts, emails, phone calls etc.


BD: 5/28/17 "We're like roommates, there is no passion anymore"
Early October she is moving out so she can "think about what she really wants in life"
10/22/17 She's gone
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Originally Posted By: mxdup
I would also add that a buddy of mine at work who is a former teen counselor thinks that the W cheated on me around the BD time frame and regrets it. He says that all of her P/A is to get me to turn into a meanie so that she has a reason to justify her actions.

FWIW I often find the W crying alone in bed. That could be depression, regret or still trying to choose which life she wants.


I totally agree. She did, or is, cheating. That's my opinion and I'm sticking with it. If there's one thing I know...it's a cheating spouse.



The future is as bright as you demand it be.
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