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Originally Posted By: sandi2
She owe it to herself to see if the OM is meant to be. But its hard because I'm a provider and he's a risk. WTF.

She also said she don't want to move out until she gets on her feet. (No time frame for that). She keeps saying she dont know. Shes confuse. She confusing everyone else with her confusion.


Joe,

This is the BS that you can't put up with or it will end very badly for you.

Translation: Joe please be my plan B while I try out things with OM and see if we are meant to be. Oh yeah also please cook and clean the house for me until I get on my feet and leave you for the OM.

You said you were an Alpha. Would an Alpha put up with a BS deal like that?

I would have said: Honey I love you and would like for you to stay and work on our M. I know I have made some mistakes in the past but I would really like to put those behind us. If you want to go and try to see if you and OM have a connection that is fine but I will not be waiting for you if it doesn't work out. BTW no you can't wait until you get on your feet.

Joe I have been here for almost three years you can't nice your way back ie. cook and clean your way out of your situation.

Lastly, you have the DB lingo down, 180s, GAL and detaching but I am not sure you quite understand them completely.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
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AnotherStander -

Please refer or check out my post in Newcomers

WW Part 2


M50 WW50
T27 M23
D17
D15
EA#1 3/2010
BD 5/2/2017

Trying to make sense out of crazymaking
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AnotherStander,

Thank you so much. I understand it better now. My/Our wifes have been cleaning, cooking and getting the kids ready for years, so why would my few months make a difference to her. They probably see it as. I have been doing it for years. So it's only fair that you are doing it now. Cleaning is not me becoming Alpha. It's me trying to make up for what I've neglected to do in the past.

That's why I'm here. I get clarification and insight.


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
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LH19,

You are right my approach hasn't been good when she says things like that. It's time I get on top of that and do what works and make the right decisions and statements in those moments.


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
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Originally Posted By: joejoe1
AnotherStander,

Thank you so much. I understand it better now. My/Our wifes have been cleaning, cooking and getting the kids ready for years, so why would my few months make a difference to her. They probably see it as. I have been doing it for years. So it's only fair that you are doing it now.


Yes, exactly. And also they will think "if you are doing it now then why the hell couldn't you have done it all those years when I needed the help? It's too little too late." Sandi has posted a lot on how the WAW thinks, it's really hard for us to imagine the mindset but basically they are so fed up that they are quite literally disgusted that we are trying to save things. A lot of guys just don't understand it, they switch over to super-beta (cook, clean, care for the kids) and yet the WAW just seems to be even more angry about it. Well yeah, because she IS!

Quote:
Cleaning is not me becoming Alpha. It's me trying to make up for what I've neglected to do in the past.


Yes, and like I said, that is NOT a bad thing! But it's not what's going to bring her back. And in fact if she is actively engaging in an A like it sounds like your W is, it may work against you. If you go all beta at a time like this it just makes OM look that much more attractive and alpha.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Me-67, D35,S34
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