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A Message from Michele
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Re: KGirl - new life, new stuff #2 [Re: trumpet] #2756215
08/12/17 04:18 AM
08/12/17 04:18 AM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,661
Midwest
D
DonH Offline
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DonH  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,661
Midwest
I knew you were near Madison trumpet but didn't know kgirl was in the state as well! I'm near Milwaukee but travel all over the place with different bands - Fond du Lac tomorrow.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: KGirl - new life, new stuff #2 [Re: DonH] #2756221
08/12/17 05:54 AM
08/12/17 05:54 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 667
K
KGirl Offline OP
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KGirl  Offline OP
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K
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 667
Yay for WI! Although sometimes I am tempted to throw it all away and pack up and move to Las Vegas. Not dealing with snow sounds nice smile

I gave myself a week to mope about the likely XBF, I think today is the day I need to pick myself back up and do things (like useful things - as opposed to binge watching TV and drinking with friends, etc.) There is a live butterfly exhibit thing in town that closes tomorrow so I'm going to hit that up - what more could you want than to be surrounded by swarms of butterflies? I tried to make an IC appt but the earliest they have available is September 11 O_o I booked it but we'll see if it's necessary by then.


Me:30 H:29, no kids
T:12, M:4 (when D was final)
12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore"
6/14: Separated (I move)
1/15: H filed for D
5/15: D final
Re: KGirl - new life, new stuff #2 [Re: KGirl] #2756728
08/16/17 11:24 AM
08/16/17 11:24 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 667
K
KGirl Offline OP
Member
KGirl  Offline OP
Member
K
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 667
I would really like to move on with my life and start fresh and pretend this XBF does not exist... but things keep getting in the way. Last time I was at his place (where he introduced me as his girlfriend! and talked about the future! what the heck!) I accidentally left an expensive piece of jewelry there. Didn't think anything of it since I didn't know he was going to break up with me/"take a break" before I'd see him next. Immediately after this happened I told him I'd give his # to a friend to connect and arrange to get it back. Said friend texted him, friend said he'd meet XBF wherever or pick it up from his house (they only live 10 minutes from each other). XBF decides he is going to mail it to me instead (??). He told me this last week Monday. It still hasn't come. It's making me anxious every day wondering if it is going to be in the mail, if I will ever see it again, etc. I finally sent a "were you able to get that necklace in the mail?" message today and just the act of doing that sent me into an anxiety mess. I'm worried that once he moves (which is happening before the end of the month) it's going to be lost forever.

To add to that, one of XBF's friends texted me on Monday asking if I would like to come to a game night... that he and other XBF friends... are planning for labor day weekend. I asked if he had talked to XBF lately, he said "yep, I did last week, the rest of us decided we wanted to move forward anyway... too weird?" What? Why would a group of people who I have met exactly twice want to invite me to something? I explained "So he told you [what transpired] then?" I think perhaps he did not explain well to his friends. Friend said "I'm sorry, blah blah blah, he does tend to just make his own schedule so we decided to go ahead and make plans without him." Very confused. I just didn't answer but I see no reason to hang out with these people if I'm not in XBF's life. All in all still hanging over my head, making it difficult. I may need to contact all contact w/ the friends and call the jewelry a lost cause but I'm pissed that he seems to have all the power here.


Me:30 H:29, no kids
T:12, M:4 (when D was final)
12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore"
6/14: Separated (I move)
1/15: H filed for D
5/15: D final
Re: KGirl - new life, new stuff #2 [Re: KGirl] #2756730
08/16/17 11:51 AM
08/16/17 11:51 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,257
K
kml Offline
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kml  Offline
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K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,257
Hey, you met his friends twice and they want to keep you over him? That's an awfully nice compliment!

Re: KGirl - new life, new stuff #2 [Re: kml] #2756732
08/16/17 12:12 PM
08/16/17 12:12 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 667
K
KGirl Offline OP
Member
KGirl  Offline OP
Member
K
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 667
^ Ha, right? It's either that... or one of them is trying to get with me now that XBF is out of the picture (I heard a lot about how the friends thought I was "really cool" etc.), or, he told them something different than what my interpretation was of what happened (like "we're taking a pause" or some BS).


Me:30 H:29, no kids
T:12, M:4 (when D was final)
12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore"
6/14: Separated (I move)
1/15: H filed for D
5/15: D final
Re: KGirl - new life, new stuff #2 [Re: KGirl] #2756968
08/18/17 03:27 AM
08/18/17 03:27 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,500
M
Maybell Offline
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Maybell  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,500
I don't understand you.

You have the opportunity to make new friends with people who interested in knowing you FOR YOURSELF. Why would you worry at all about their motives, whether it's weird about the guy you were seeing, whatever? It's a GAL opportunity. If you like them, join them. If you don't, don't worry about it.

You are so far in your own head you can't even move. And I say this as a chronic overthinker. Relax and LIVE. If you keep questioning every road offered to you you're never going to GET anywhere.


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
Re: KGirl - new life, new stuff #2 [Re: KGirl] #2757063
08/18/17 05:37 PM
08/18/17 05:37 PM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
CA- now East coast
2
25yearsmlc Offline
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25yearsmlc  Offline
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2
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
CA- now East coast
Originally Posted By: KGirl
^ Ha, right? It's either that... or one of them is trying to get with me now that XBF is out of the picture (I heard a lot about how the friends thought I was "really cool" etc.),

if one of them was appealing to you & wants to date you, you'll know. Then you can decide.

If not, they are just looking for another game player. It's obviously not a bad thing to get an invite.

If you feel that you'll overthink the whole evening, (which I fear), then don't go. Thank them and say you already have plans that night. No need to explain. No need to worry about it.




or, he told them something different than what my interpretation was of what happened (like "we're taking a pause" or some BS).


well, what difference does that make? I'm asking.

Take the guy you dated out of the equation and ask yourself if you'd enjoy the evening.
Can you detach, or will you probe for info or be pre-occupied?

Add the guy back in, and ask yourself if you'd really feel relaxed in the environment. And I assume there will be some alcohol so take that into consideration.

And is there a chance the guy you dated will show up? What if he brings a date?

Yeah, see, even if you are assured he won't be there, I think it'll be hard for you to have fun that night. Why not tell them you have plans and that you wold love to do it next time.

Then give yourself that time to detach.

Hang in there.

.




M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Re: KGirl - new life, new stuff #2 [Re: 25yearsmlc] #2757064
08/18/17 05:40 PM
08/18/17 05:40 PM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
CA- now East coast
2
25yearsmlc Offline
Member
25yearsmlc  Offline
Member
2
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
CA- now East coast
PS I agree with Maybell's take on it.

I'm just concerned that if you go, you won't be relaxed or detached, and you might start asking questions that won't increase your confidence.

You don't want to arrive there only to use a microscope for all the comments that are normally made. Someone will bring up his name around you, and it's important that you present as a fun loving confident woman.

It might be too soon for you.


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Re: KGirl - new life, new stuff #2 [Re: 25yearsmlc] #2757092
08/19/17 03:09 AM
08/19/17 03:09 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,889
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Georgiabelle Offline
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Georgiabelle  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,889
Kgirl,

In regards to why the friends may have invited you, maybe they thought you were fun. Most of the guys I've dated have friends who invited me to things post break up. Sometimes I went. And sometimes I didn't. However, when I'm not with someone, I go under the premise we are done. I'm done. However, I wish them well and that is why I have no problem going. Same with why I went to dinner with X Mr.GB. No ulterior motives. However, I get the impression that you may be *waiting* for this guy you dated to give you some kind of response (and I don't think he is but what do I know?) so I recommend you not go. I think you will be reading into things and trying to figure out what's going on with the guy when I think it's rather clear. I don't think you are detached enough.

Sorry about the jewelry. I'm not sure if it had sentimental value but hopefully you get it back.

Hang in there and have some fun!


Me-42 xh-41
3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Re: KGirl - new life, new stuff #2 [Re: Georgiabelle] #2757269
08/21/17 04:32 AM
08/21/17 04:32 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 667
K
KGirl Offline OP
Member
KGirl  Offline OP
Member
K
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 667
Thanks, all. Yes, I agree I am not detached enough/would be looking for info/would definitely not be able to handle it if he did show up as well, so I don't think I can go. I'm not exactly in the need for more male friends, particularly ones that live an hour or more away, so I'm not sure this is where I would want to spend my relationship-building energy. Maybe if we had all really become friends it would be different but most of them I met once at XBF's birthday party for a few hours.

My friends IRL were feeling like XBF's communications with me indicated that he did indeed think I was waiting around for him and that he could just pick up when/if he felt like it, so I decided to clarify things and sent a: "To be clear, I am not waiting around for you, and will be seeing other people. If your circumstances/situation changes you're welcome to get in touch, but I make no guarantees." His response was: "Thanks for letting me know, I hope you find happiness." *Shrug* so OK, that was helpful because it put me out of the sort of denial phase of "well maybe he'll still come back, he said maybe in a few weeks?" to the "OK, yep, definitely time to put him out of sight/mind" phase. And with the friends thing, that's the other reason I can't do it - the only way I've found to be able to get over people is if I completely cut all contact/social media/etc. with them, otherwise I keep holding out hope for them (probably because in all of the situations they've been the ones dumping me/I still wanted the R). Still working on internalizing that this guy was NOT behaving in a way that would have been sustainable, and certainly not in the way that I've written down are my must-have needs (staying in touch and filling me on his life; dependable, reliable, follows through on what he says, does what he says he'll do). Need to work on thinking of this as a reprieve instead of a rejection. And in fact, ultimately I set my boundary and rejected his crappy behavior, I guess, by moving on and not sitting on my hands waiting for him to change his mind about me?

Leaving in a bit to see if I can catch any of this eclipse business with a colleague who managed to nab eclipse glasses (though it's quite cloudy here!) and then headed for my free casino hotel overnight stay. I really have no plans besides... gambling? pool/hot tub time? relax on the balcony with a book? bring a bottle of champagne? Go to the fancy supper club nearby (maybe too much to eat at a table alone for a 3 course meal, but I could sit at the bar with an old fashioned and an app?) Whatever I feel like, I guess! laugh I also bought a bike Sunday in-between when I sent the "not waiting" message and getting a response so when I'm feeling down, I'm trying to think about that and how fun it will be to zoom around and explore new places. My city is very bike-friendly but I've just never gotten around to it...XBF/whatever this guy was kept encouraging me to get a bike so we could ride together. Welp, too late and too bad for him I guess!


Me:30 H:29, no kids
T:12, M:4 (when D was final)
12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore"
6/14: Separated (I move)
1/15: H filed for D
5/15: D final
Page 9 of 11 1 2 7 8 9 10 11

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