So it looks like settlement is almost thru, xh2 is still spewing via his l.
So to recap back to the beginning, things has spiralled out of control in the m for about a year. Xh2 was very angry hitting my then s15. He had threatened me and carried a pistol which was often loaded when we traveled. He kept loaded guns round the house within arms reach. He was getting nasty and accusatory, once even chasing me down when he thought I wasn't at work but at home cheating. He also punched and kicked his own animals and I once saw him assault his own son then 13 as a one off.
Then there were the famous lectures of the "wrong hemeriod prep" which would one hour of spew from him, interrupting resulted in more personalised spew of how disrespectful and rude I was as well as the unloving and uncaring over the hemeriod issue.
I know right far more pressing issues in the world than that, but I'm sure you get the pic. I was always placed last even lower than the dog. Any needs I asked to be met were once I aired them, met with distian and then he went out of his way to avoid granting them.
That issue just magnified as the years went on. I suspect either as I thought early on his got age related dementure or mlc. He talked to himself in almost like alter ego at bd.
So he left to be with his soul mate and has been with his quality ow since.
I made the decision I didn't think I could actually tolerate or go back after the a. So went nc by April after bd. Over 2 years ago.
I'm so dark I do not see him, the once or twice I almost had to speak to him as I had fronted him, I did the whole quick u turn and left.
Now life is great, bf and me don't fight actually not one about anything. In some respects he's gentle man. We manage to go to events with the horses and not one argument about what goes where how long pack up took or how much things cost!
It's such a relief, every place bf and I have been, I can recall a major row with xh2 it's a horrific memory of nothing but disagreements. Like vanilla and some others I suffer a bit from ptsd. It gets me at the worst times. It is getting less, much less.
I have found tho this standing up for one self makes you nothing but a target. I find the constant minor harrasements very tiring. The surprising thing being country most men didn't seem to acept women can be in charge. They can have money and Indepandance without a man, or even there own stuff while with a man.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Seems things are so close I can smell it now. There's still a few things and odd happenings but anywho. Spring is here and we are on to second aniversary soo stuff. Like 2 years since I started the whole process.
Bf now has a good job and life will start to move along at a faster rate. My work well it's still the same in some respects I still feel stuck at times. And while in so,e respects I take it less personally I know that the odds aren't good that I will ever have good work life balance while in that job. It maybe time to start thinking again about other things that are less draining, while I love the people aspect the big company politics drive me mental.
Off to catch up on a few people, so see you guys around.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Well the last couple of things need to fall into place and it's all done and dusted.
Very empowering if I do say so.
Had a few odd things happen people who once were really close seemingly wanting to hang up or make excuses and close the door on you. Which is really really odd.
Family have been like it too on some counts, went to vist my sister some time ago she spent the whole time checking her watch and seemed to want to push me and bf out the door. We did call in on way back from somewhere else to be fair. Same type reaction, different way of expressing it. Which I just find, really odd.
Lost one of my ,horses just a random paddock mishap. No lambs this year I'm keeping well away. Bought my new gun and I'm loving that we go shooting each month more and more.
The one foal I'm expecting is due any day, which is exciting. The dogs are all healthy.
Winter has been fun with still heading up to board for the snow season. Some of the work mates just keep telling porkies including one boss. Which also makes me go hmmmmm. Just bugs me people think your stupid leave you no right of reply when they lie and latter you find out it simply isn't true.
Means the moment is gone, and you just get left with that feeling of being cheated. So the cycle continues, I have just taken to speaking my mind again at times but in a less loud way. Sometimes tho I do loose it and get loud.
I do know it says more about them than me, but it just really irks me they continue to think your super stupid. I need to find better ways of deal with them.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Well everything is now final, no strings no unfinished business.
And it's very true as plenty of said that which was yours will come back, some of my possessions which I had almost forgotten I owned have come back. Well not them exactly but replacement one. No cost just appeared in bf life and he bought them home.
I imagine his suprise when I said" I own one. Then quickly had to explain like many other things how come I don't have it"
The odd part about xh is all these things that he's kept belong to someone else and he's hanging onto them like some odd serial killer style trophy set up. which in some ways makes me very sad for him. It's very left of normal to want things not even gifted to you. I'm sure it's his personal power trip. He seems to think it gives him control and connection the the long gone person.
As far as I know he's still with his soul mate, and I had another helpful friend forward an article about her. Which got deleted, and friends got a curt thanks but please I'm not the remotest bit interested don't bother passing along this rubbish.
Some other long term locals, aren't very accepting of bf and don't want to even acknowledge him. Bit odd in itself, but meh!
And there is the odd thing that makes you go hmmmmm, but over all things have really felt like closure to me. It's great to have it really gone and buried.
Summer is coming and I have so much planned. More events and things to do with the horses and chasing my bits that have been taken. Half the fun is actually the searching and finding. I have a couple I want to break in as one is past breaking in age and one just getting there. Have a few other stud type things happening like maybe a mare or 2 coming.
My pistol arrive and it's really super awesome, the other blokes are jealous and bf has scored better than ever with it.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Well the Ai, stuff was returned. Busy time had a couple of babies lost my old dawg.
S18 came the day we lost the dawg, he's finally manruting and things are going back in our r to a time where we relate a lot better like old times. With the added bonus he's a little more grown up. That's really nice, bf job is supposedly going ft and perminate so that's good news.
Still nc, but really these days have no disire to break that and I really like not having to put up with xh. Someone reminded me one of the greatest traits he had of being an Indian giver with Christmas fast approaching I think of all this years and gifts he kept and hope they finally bring him the happiness I know he's just never gunna get.
I know that Indian giving infiltrated all areas of his life, from the material to the emotional and it's not till we are reminded that we know really know all that has going and the difference it makes to have people really give and not expect payment to get back a return.
Is is really a zing the clarity you get as time marches on, the out of balance stuff and how nice it is when the ship really rights itself. Things feel a lot less out of control and I hard,y believe Some of the dramatics, even tho I lived it, I know why others find my story so hard to actually really believe.
I think in some ways I've softened and can feel absolutely sorry for him and people like him. That doesn't mean I engage as much as I did nor do I feel the need to justify myself by standing up verbally.
Almost a full circle, where we start validation even tho we don't truely feel it then want to stand up for our rights and then now I feel I can validate another life and story even if I know it not to be true because they believe it to be so I don't have to agree.
Interesting times really.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
I had to google Indian Giver, as that gave me some rather curious images. Ah well.
Of all of the great folks here GG you have been instrumental in keeping me smiling and I find it appropriate that your D and fins are on the same time line as mine. The wassock and the Giggalo are in a parallel universe to us. NC is so good don't you think. Makes life easier and my time on this earth rather better.
I would like a bf and am not ready, my fins are so very dire and I have no idea how things will go with the Courts. I take no risks until then.
None.
One day I will get to know my wonderful GG.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Another round of Sumer and winter Is now upon us. I have been what could be considered nc for a couple of years, the interactions for the finialsition of d hardly counts as breaking contact. He hasn't been sighted and I haven't allowed anyone to bring news.
He has been advertising items like cars for sale and people that knew us both keep asking me for information. I'm gathering by that he's not speaking to people he called his close mates. The whole shame of the a must keep him underground.
As far as I know he's still with the ow, as attractive as she isn't. My r is still good. We do have some lb spouse jokes. Pretty much things are quite and drama free.which is a great relief compared to the drama life I lived with xh2. All the arguements and triangulation I can live without.
Indian giver in our country means some who gives you something and then takes it back. He went one better than that, he used to get you to agree to x and push back unitll you totally gave him what you orginally said no to and then some. Plus he took back his prior agreement or gift.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
