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Congratulations on the job!!!!

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Congrats on the job, it sounds like a perfect fit!

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The D is final. Just saw the update on the court website. It feels empty - like when there's been something sitting in the corner for so long that you don't even notice it anymore, but then someone cleaned it up and the openness is kind of startling.


M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
3 adult blended kids
EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
PA fall 14, BD2 2/15
Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15
Separated 4/16
WH moved OW in 5/16
Divorced 6/15/17
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Posts: 2,685
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Painter, I remember the day our D to as final. Mr P went to court but I didn't, so I heard it from my L. I had mixed feelings, sadness for a marriage that ended for no reason, relief that it was over. Some people said congratulations, but I didn't feel that was appropriate at the time. Whatever you feel, know that it's ok, and this is a starting place for you.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
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Painter, I'm having a few moments of silence for your loss. I just bombed out a long post on my thread, you can skip to the last few paragraphs if you'd like...but I shared some thoughts about where I'm at now. I think each day it is ok to honor your loss and the weight you carry, but I hope that you find the same abundance that I have. Wishing you all the best P.

When you are up to it, we'd love to hear an update on what else is going on as well!


Me:38 XW:38
T:11 years M:8 years
Kids: S14, D11, D7
BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
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Posts: 1,450
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Sunny, I agree that 'congratulations' is not appropriate. Several of my friends have said that, but I don't think there's anything to celebrate. It's closure, but only in the same way a funeral is. Nobody congratulates you in a funeral, even if the person who passed was a horrible human being.

I'm glad it's been over a year of separation. It has given me time to process my emotions and move forward. I was ready to be 'uncoupled' at this point, and I told WH that he could move ahead with the D back in February, I think. I think the fast divorces are brutal on most people.


M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
3 adult blended kids
EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
PA fall 14, BD2 2/15
Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15
Separated 4/16
WH moved OW in 5/16
Divorced 6/15/17
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,450
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Hi Zues, good to see you around! I read your long post and enjoyed hearing about how happy you are and how you share your passions with your kids. smile I notice how you focus on the things that are good, rather than complain about any disadvantages. I think you know the secret of attitude.

I'm doing quite well with the D. Of course it's not what I wanted, and a moment of silence is exactly what I'm taking time for. I still have dreams of revisiting my home and finding OW there, but it feels like closure at this point, not upset or uncertainty. In my last dream, I told her that nothing was different there except a change of personell. Then I waved dismissively and walked away. It's been enough time and very little contact (just money/business) to create a real distance. I'm really better off and much, much happier now than I was in my M.

I haven't shared a lot about what's going on in my life for privacy/legal reasons. That's less problematic now. I have spent the last year pursuing my interests and passions (painting and singing), and spending time with friends, my son and my pets - besides working parttime from home and figuring out my future path. It's a nice life and I feel very lucky and fulfilled. I enjoy the vibrant and friendly city I live in, everything is within easy reach, and there's so much going on that I like to participate in.

Tomorrow I start a fulltime job - it's time to get back to reality, and I need to get a place of my own. I hope to keep my interests as a big part of my life, but financial freedom is crucial to building a future for myself. I'm excited about the job, I have lots of experience in the field and I feel comfortable with the tasks, but it will also be challenging enough to hold my interest. It's also a 5 minute commute and well paid, so can't really complain about anything!

I have met someone special and we've been seeing each other for a while now. It's been really great, but also bumpy at times, even painful, but he is very committed and we've worked through some of our issues. We're working on the rest to see if this will be the lasting R we both wish for. He went through a D a few years ago and has been very supportive of my process.

We're a good match. I've learned a lot about what I need in a R to thrive emotionally, and I didn't get much of that in my M (our MC called it 'a desert'). Quality time is extremely important to me. I'm very independent and capable of making my own decisions, and I need quite a bit of alone time, but within a R I need a lot of emotional connection and much prefer doing things together than by myself. We're very, very similar in many ways. Sometimes that can be a challenge when both are pretty certain of themselves, or have messy baggage. But it's the most balanced and even R I've been in, I think. It's exciting to find someone who gets me and who I can really respect. I highly recommend it. wink

So at this point, my life feels quite complete. I can't think of anything I would want differently. If my new R doesn't last, I will still be fine. There are advantages to being single, and I would honestly have preferred to be alone a bit longer - but we can't always choose when something special comes by.


M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
3 adult blended kids
EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
PA fall 14, BD2 2/15
Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15
Separated 4/16
WH moved OW in 5/16
Divorced 6/15/17
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 805
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Painter, I feel so much acceptance, peace and serenity from your post. It's beautiful.


Me: 48, XH: 42
T: 18 years, M: 15 years

EA/PA 1: 6/2012
EA/PA 2: from autumn 2012-present

BD: 5/2013
ILYBNILWY BD & left: 10/2015

OW conceived: 8/2016
Born: 4/2017

H filed: 7/2017
D final: 28/12/2017
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,708
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Originally Posted By: focus22
Painter, I feel so much acceptance, peace and serenity from your post. It's beautiful.


Too wonderful. Hmmmph. wink

Reminds me of when I was in high school, one of my health class final questions was "What can you do for someone who is terminally ill?" It's like I couldn't help myself, I remember writing "Try to shift them from acceptance back to anger..." It just seemed so funny to me. Can you imagine? "You mean you're ok with this? It doesn't seem very fair to me. I mean, why you?!?" And so on...

Seriously, it is a delight to see. Congrats painter. Glad you're finding a balance between fun and making money too. And yes, a 5 minute commute is dreamy. You can go home for lunch if you want!

OK, keep posting and we'll cross paths soon. Thanks for the kind words and take care!


Me:38 XW:38
T:11 years M:8 years
Kids: S14, D11, D7
BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,450
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Oh, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop! grin Meanwhile, I'm trying to enjoy that I'm feeling happier and more fulfilled than I ever have in my life before. It's a very peaceful place to be.

I have frustrations and ups and down, of course, but I'm truly in a good place. I did not get my needs met in my M from the day it started. WH was one of those people who changed dramatically the moment the deal was done.


M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
3 adult blended kids
EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
PA fall 14, BD2 2/15
Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15
Separated 4/16
WH moved OW in 5/16
Divorced 6/15/17
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