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A Message from Michele
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If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way #2699551
08/25/16 10:31 AM
08/25/16 10:31 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,890
Right where I need to be
F
Fogg Offline OP
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Fogg  Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,890
Right where I need to be
Previous thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2671122#Post2671122

Not sure how much I will post anymore but this seems to be the right place to be.

Divorced two weeks ago, feel ok about it. Met EX's BF (OM2) in person along with his XW yesterday, didn't feel horrible. I'm surprised at how OK it was to be around them. Sure, some strangeness but overall it wasn't anything like I expected. I think they were more uncomfortable and confused by how I acted the few hours we were around each other.

Title is from a song I heard earlier in the year, fits with my thoughts. I have no clue exactly where my life is going right now but I know its in a positive direction and one ill enjoy, because I decide so. I have a great deal to be grateful for, I need to acknowledge it more often.


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: Fogg] #2699570
08/25/16 11:47 AM
08/25/16 11:47 AM
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 724
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vise82 Offline
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vise82  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 724
Hey FOGG,

Just saying hello, read your new thread in newcomers Part of me can relate as I went through the S agreement process, Its just I am not D yet.

Just wanted to say thank you for the help you gave me in the past, its nice to connect with people on this site that have been here a year ago. Not many of them.

Glad you have found some sort of peace in the end.


Me late 30's
W mid 30's
T 15, M 10
S4, S7
ILYBNILWY June 2015
In house S July 2015
W rings off Oct 2015
My ring off Feb 2015
Separate houses June 2016
Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: vise82] #2699585
08/25/16 12:33 PM
08/25/16 12:33 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 761
USA
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RAI Offline
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RAI  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 761
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Hey Fogg,

Just wanted to say thanks for the glimpse of what life is like "on the other side". Sorry about your D, but I have a feeling you are much better for it.

I'll miss you on the newcomer's board. I will be over here soon.

Best,

RAI


Me 48 XW 45
lots o' kids
D April 2017
Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: RAI] #2699596
08/25/16 01:09 PM
08/25/16 01:09 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Sotto Offline
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Sotto  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
Hi Fogg, welcome to this part of the forum my friend. I'm sorry to hear that your D was finalised, but glad to hear you are feeling okay with it, and also that you managed to be around your XW and OM without difficulty.

I agree with others and I think you have come a long way. I'm sure life will have many good things to offer going forward. Hopefully you'll stick around and chit chat with fellow forum members moving forwards after divorce.

Very best wishes to you :-) x


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: Sotto] #2701479
09/02/16 06:38 AM
09/02/16 06:38 AM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
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SunnyB Offline
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SunnyB  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
Fogg, welcome to the neighborhood. Consider this a virtual pan of brownies on your doorstep. wink



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: SunnyB] #2722851
12/25/16 05:37 PM
12/25/16 05:37 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,890
Right where I need to be
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Fogg Offline OP
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Fogg  Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,890
Right where I need to be
wow, has it really been 4 months since I posted last? I wanted to update some on whats happened since then. I had some interesting situations come up and wanted to write them out so people see this process does suck but it does get easier.

So I said before I interacted with ex's bf and I knew for some time things would be in my face more after that point in hospital and the D. I don't remember dates so ill just say what has happened.

I have this strange 6th sense or gut feeling on how things will play out or what will happen and they almost always do happen at some point, I just get the timing wrong. I remember this story ginger posted about chuck E cheese. It stuck with me and I knew I would have a similiar one.

My daughters parent teacher conferences were a while back and ex seemed weird about it. There was an online sign up sheet that I didn't see until last minute, she already signed up for a slot and didn't say anything to me. She never texted me or said a word about it either, which was strange as last year she did. So I just figured I would show up since its not her responsibility to tell me anyway, I got the email from the teacher also. I go to the school and pull in, I put the car in park and look up. Right in front of me walking from the left toward the school doors is my ex with my 2 kids, her bf and his 2 kids. The bf was carrying my son, it crushed me seeing them like that. They didn't see me but the urge to just drive away felt so strong and I wanted to just run away. I sucked it up and went inside, had to walk behind them and they didn't see me until we got to the teachers room. Ex seemed surprised, I didn't say anything to her about it. He stayed in the hallway while we did the conference so it was fine. My ex however, she was weird during it. She kept talking during the conference like she was trying to impress the teacher and the way she was phrasing things made it seem like she always had the kids. It also felt like she was trying to talk so I didn't have a chance to say a single word. I said very little, I had no need to compete with her and wasn't the purpose of being there. At the end she went to leave and I had to talk to the teacher about an issue with after care schedules they were having. This is something I schedule and has nothing to do with ex since the only time D6 ever needs it is when i'm picking them up. Well Ex hears what I start to talk to her about and jumps back in the room and starts telling the teacher she will email her the schedule so she knows what days to send to aftercare vs the school pickup. I'm like completely shocked and just annoyed also at her trying to look like she has everything taken care of. The entire problem was ex telling D6 and other people the wrong schedule in the first place....

Another point was the bf started watching the kids because our babysitter had knee surgery. That was a hard pill to swallow but I already worked out hes not a safety risk to them and inst a completely pos. So me and him had to interact. One time I picked up S4 and he was squirming around. I turned around and was walking with him and he said out loud "no daddy, NO. I WANT TO STAY WITH TROY". BF was right behind us so he heard. My entire body cringed and tensed up, it felt like a knife pierced my heart. Its a good thing I was turned the opposite way because I know my face showed the pain. That sucked.

Happened a few other times also but not as severe. I got over it pretty quick. Hes a kid and had other kids there to play with, nothing to overthink.

Ex likes to mention it to me also. "Just so you know, the kids didn't want to come". It bothered me in the past but I got over it and called her out on it in the past. A more recent time when I was over all of it and it didn't bother me I just told her flat out "yeah I know, you don't need to tell me about it either, I know why they say it and have told you before". She looked at me like I hurt her or something and said "I wasn't trying to upset you by saying it". I just looked at her and said "it doesn't upset me". Its hard to explain but the look I gave her was strong and confident and basically said the words that come out of her mouth have zero power over me.

I write these things to show the feelings some of you have now in a situation will change. The interactions get easier to deal with and the pain you experience will be mostly gone at some point. I don't feel much at all for ex now. No anger or pain other than some fleeting moments when memories come up. Even now BD is in 3 or 4 days and this time last year I had a really shitty month. Yesterday I had a few hours of depression about it and that's been it.

--------
Updates on me. Doing good, starting to explore online dating. No dates yet but I've asked a few girls for coffee and got cancelled on. Its been good to go through it. I get a shot of confidence talking to them and then I guess some rejection when they bail. But this is apart of dating and things I will and can handle. Am I ready for it? Who knows. I'm just going with it and being cautious with everything. I think I'm in a good place. I already had the temptation of a really attractive woman who was super into me and already talking about me kissing her on our first date. I seen red flags pop up before the date and had to cancel it for my own principles.

Weight loss is still going but I'm jumping up and down a bit right now. Basically I've lost a total of 160 lbs from my max to min. I'm doing strength training at the gym to reshape the rest of my body and shift the extra fat into muscle. I'm about where I want to be from a weight standpoint but my body fat percentage needs to change quite a bit still. Something I'm slowly working on.

I'm working on a masters degree for business, starting 2 graduate classes next semester. I've figured out how much it will cost me, how long and what my work will reimburse me for. It will end up being a 5 year plan. Either way this plays out with my long term goals the degree will help. I will either start a small business at some point or continue to stay in engineering.

I love my job! I got transferred into a new position that I was helping out for. Me and my manager sat down and talked about what the old position was and its limits on where the company was and he asked me what I wanted to do. I told him a few suggestions and I guess later the same day another manager in the prototype section I've helped out with took me aside and was nearly jumping with joy at the thought of me joining his team. It was very nice to be appreciated and wanted. I did join them with the condition that I still maintained my old job responsibilities (which are nothing right now) and the possibility of moving back if the need ever came up. Truthfully, I love the new position and its exactly what I want to do. I've learned more in the last couple months than I have in the last year.

Activities Ill be doing next year and will commit to soon: full marathon, tough mudder(maybe 2 years), skydiving, flying a plane, kayaking on a lake as the sun rises over it, bungee jumping

This novel is long enough, wish you all well. You're a great set of people and if you continue to let this process reshape you nothing is out of reach. You don't need your ex-spouses to be happy. Life goes on and can be better than ever if you decide it will be.


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: Fogg] #2723058
12/27/16 10:04 PM
12/27/16 10:04 PM
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 555
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TenBook Offline
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TenBook  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 555
Hey Fogg.

You are their father. Invest in them. Listen to the accounts of other divorced me who have begun a journey to reconnect with their children.

Godspeed.

Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: TenBook] #2723082
12/28/16 07:43 AM
12/28/16 07:43 AM
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,854
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JujuB Offline
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JujuB  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,854
Although I think its crazy to try sky diving, congrats on all your other accomplishments. Seriously you should be really proud.

It must be infuriating to be doing majority of child care and then to have ex try to take credit. Your a good dad, and your kids are reaping the benefits and that's all that matters. Your ex is pretty immature. And I know you want to rise above that immaturity.

I am sorry about troy. That's pretty painful. I have the feeling the kids are just happy being with other kids, not necessarily the adults. Your their dad and a wise and incredible one at that. They are lucky because in the future when they are older, you will have so much advise and wisdom to share with them.

Hang in there with the dating. Your a great guy and some lucky girl is out there!


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: JujuB] #2723127
12/28/16 12:39 PM
12/28/16 12:39 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,890
Right where I need to be
F
Fogg Offline OP
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Fogg  Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,890
Right where I need to be
TB,

good to hear from you! Glad things are going well for you.

JuJu,

Whats so crazy about skydiving? We're all going to plan a big DB skydiving trip. You'll love it! lol

I'm actually terrified of heights too but the thought of doing it exites me. I looked it up yesterday and seen a bunch of other things on the same website I would love to try at least once. I felt like a little kid staring at a chocolate factory for a split second. Skydiving, bungee jumping, base jumping, hang gliding. So many things!

Thank you for the compliments too, I appreciate them. As for my ex, we are very close to having a 50/50 type parenting thing now so I'm not doing most of it. I still have the kids more overnights each week and do much more commuting to transport them around but time wise is close to being equal. It is annoying when she talks in that way but I don't take it personal. I know shes not doing it intentionally, its just how she processes things on a subconscious level so she feels ok about the situation. Even if it were intentional, I know the truth of the relationship with my kids so it doesn't matter. People can and will think however they like. Its not worth my time or energy to convince all of them to see my point of view.


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: Fogg] #2723150
12/28/16 02:53 PM
12/28/16 02:53 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
UK
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Vanilla Offline
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Vanilla  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
UK
SH has skydive

You are trend setters

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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