I lost my mojo. This is awful. My sparking personality is very dull right now. I seriously laughed in weeks.
I must remedy this, fast.
I'm seeing a friend after a not seeing her for a while tonight. We are the friends that just crack each other up. I am hoping this removes me from this awful funk.
Do you feel like you're stranded on a desert island with a handful of goofballs?
If you've lost your mojo, then doodler's prescription is to watch a movie, specifically "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me." By watching that deeply philosophical movie you will learn how to regain the essence of your being.
You know what, G, sometimes we are just sad. And I don't think we always necessarily have to freakin name it and identify it and all that. Sometimes we just are and it's ok.
You want something in your life that you are missing. You had it for awhile and it felt good and you want it again. Aint nothing wrong with that.
And I am all for looking inward and figuring out what we feel. But sometimes I just feel down because life gets to be alot. I feel down because my son is struggling, I am a mess financially, my health isnt great and that I have very little family.
None of that shows a lacking in me. I give myself permission to feel that way because I can. As long as I don't live there.
This is a hard time of year for you. Hard for me for a lot of reasons. I had myself a good cry today. Wish I could say it shook all the sadness, but, it didnt.
I also know I will feel good again. That's the thing about life, right? All these moments are always changing. Nothing stays the same.
And I agree, I think positivity attracts positivity. But sometimes, you get a priest who wants to tongue kiss or a plumber who...whatever he wanted. Absolutely no reflection on you. They are who they are. You stumbled upon them.
I also think that most of us are broken in some way or another. I think when we get put back together, the cracks are stronger somehow, but, the scars, while they fade, they still exist some.
I am so happy to read that you like you. I am happy you have your girl and friends and your dad. I wish that you had someone who can appreciate you for the amazing woman you are because I know how much you want that. I also know you will one day. I know it without a single doubt. When it is supposed to happen. When it is the right time. When you are really and truly ready and your life is.
I wish I could take the sad away for you. But, I know you also experience great joy.
You are so hard on yourself. I feel like you feel that it isnt ok to feel the way you do. And all feelings are valid. It's the actions on those feelings that matter.
I was thinking today that it is time for me to make another change. It's the only way that things move. It could be a little one, though, for me, it may have to be a bit bigger.
You are on a new path with school. I am thinking that will lead you somewhere different.
Keep going, G. Keep moving forward. There is a shift coming for you. I can feel it. Be open to the possibilities. Til then....keep being you. <3
As always, UR, you have a way of getting in my head and expressing exactly what I am feeling better than I even could. It's amazing. I am simply awfully sad. There is a slew of reasons, I don't need to pinpoint it, I'm just sitting over here feeling it.
I have been isolating myself from my friends and I haven't been going out. Last night was my first night out with friends in a long time and it felt good. I laughed. I wasn't completely myself, but I felt much better being with them. I just don't do well telling people how I am really feeling when I get sad. I'm not comfortable with it for some reason. I don't tell my dad, or my best friend, and I distance myself.
The only thing I have been wanting to do is go to the gym. I go 5 days a week with the same crew which are great great people. D9 has become part of our group to and she even takes class with us sometimes. I check my sadness at the door when I go there.
Aside from that, the only person I have been really looking forward to spending time with lately is daughter. My 9 year old little girl. So maybe that is the way it is meant to be now.
It's a catch 22 finally liking myself. I still feel like there must be something unlovable about me because I have been alone for so long and I have been rejected so many times, or I attract weirdos. So I go back over the inventory and I am ok as I am. There is nothing wrong with me. I don't think so, anyways, lol.
An yup, I feel bad for feeling the way I do. I have my daughter, our health and a roof over our head. I feel as if that should be enough. But I feel as if life is playing some messed up trick on me sometimes.
I am sorry you are having a hard time too, UR. I want to take your sad away too. I know there will be a shift for both of us. Change is surely needed right now. We never lay down and quite no matter how hard things get. We keep fighting. Even if we are tired. Because we know what we are capable of:)
As long as I don't live there.