Love your bro! He didn't want to get icky MLC cooties on him!
It's sad that he can't just give your daughter his time and patience without trying to drag her into contact with his new family. But I guess that would mean admitting that he has some fault in creating this situation.
And the wedding......good luck with that. She's getting a cheater capable of prolonged deception, she's getting a guy who never would have stayed with her if she hadn't gotten pregnant.
You sound great though. Hope new bf is still treating you the way you deserve to be treated. You survived one of the worst sitches here, you deserve a medal!!!
Oh......and btw Mighty.......my ex apparently was having neck and shoulder pain and was discovered to have an old fracture in his neck. Now he can't surf... or bike.... or backpack. Pretty sure running is out too. Since surfing was his antidepressant, and a huge part of his lifestyle and image....I feel sorry for his wife. I'm sure he's miserable, and without his youthful surfer body the 18 year difference in their ages is going to start being more obvious.
I really don't wish him ill, I feel bad for him....but glad I'm not living with his anger and bitterness!
Ellie, hey there! Ya know, you and I think so much alike.
For one thing, it's pretty much my sentiment exactly- xh hardly spends any time w d15. So the time at her games- let it be her time, for crying out loud! It's the only parental "involvement" he has- watching her from the stands. Why can't that just be about her? I mean she wanted to change schools and leave her childhood home to get away... And he wants to follow her with crazy. Ugh...
Honestly, I don't think xh wants to bring the baby (if only to rub it in my face), but more so, I don't think hww likes him away without her control. That's her best attempt to have control. Plus, she can't trust him.
And the marriage, psh... Whatever. I get the life I deserve, and they get the life they deserve. Yeah, if it weren't for another round of child support, I can't imagine that really happening. And like I said- she's been pushing for that ring since he was married to me. She's in her late 20s now. Two kids w two different dads and never married. And live a superficial, phony life. Of course she wants that. Family has to fit the frame.
Bf is amazing. I have become very independent. And it's hard to let my guard down, but we are all good.
As far as your ex... I bet you are right... These things will start to increase the age-gap, I'm sure. It's nice you have such empathy. I wonder how the physical changes will go over with him. It may make him have to face some tough things... Or tailspin with some mental chaos.
Heck, maybe he will have an awakening!
More importantly... I feel ya... Sooooo grateful we don't have to deal with the negative, critical, angry, nonsense anymore. The ultimate blessing!
Now, on another note... My cousin, who has been mentioned on here since my first post, who has been, many time called, superman. The fighter of fighters... Has lost his last battle tonight.
Such a great man, he was. I'm sad.
But thank you, Ellie. Always a straight-shooter, and always so spot on... And have stood by me throughly this journey. See... Some of us are standers in other ways! And arguably in better ways!
I'm very sorry to read that your cousin has passed away. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
I echo what Bea has posted.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks bea and job! I'm heading out tomorrow for the calling hours and funeral. Luckily I have a large and wonderful family. We all pull together for good times and bad. I don't think it's always usual for large families to be as close. I am grateful and appreciative of that.
And yes, personally. things are going well for me. I am also thankful to those put in my path to hold my hand, guide me, give me strength, clarity, and comfort, make me smile, or give me a kick in the pants. Thank you for being part of that!
Hi Cali! And the above goes to you too! I briefly got a glimpse into your sitch, but would like to go back and take a better look when I can dedicate a little more time. D, huh? Well- in the grand scheme of things, for me, it was a drop in the bucket. I think you've been through the ringer, as well. And I don't mean to make it so callous. But, ya know, just don't put too much weight on the paper part. I think the finality of it is more ceremonial that it truly is. It dosent change the past, feelings, memories, or what could come. It seems like a good thing in the way to alleviate things for you so you can make legit plans for your future. Who know what that holds?
Anyway, best of luck, my friend. Many good things to come your way.
Ugh. I have completely moved on. He is an irrelevant factor. I have gone to great lengths for this to happen.
I laugh his nonsense off.
I'm infrequently exposed to it, yet I'm able to see it at face-value (which is entirely the depth of what he is).
However, when he tries to weasel his selfish, horrible ways into my kids' lives, I get so irritated.
Perspective: I am very aware it's their deal and they will figure it out and find their way and do what they need... and I support that. Yet, underneath, the real feelings are in turmoil. So, I have to let it out, come to acceptance, then, I tend to move on- at a much quicker rate, mind you.
Although, my experience in dealing with this has become less untrained as his presence is just on this side of non-existent.
Where this is coming from right now? Well, Mr. Wonderful, every once in awhile, will reach out to d15 trying to get her involved in his family life.
This time, he wants her to go to a holiday party with old friends of ours (my old neighbors who helped me out after xh left and no longer spoke w xh). So that was shocking, itself!
They also moved to a new location and have invited the happy little family to a party and xh wants to take d15 and a friend and said it would be "preferred" for her to stay the night (which she's only been there for a total of 10 min).
The choice is entirely up to d15, and if that's what she wants to do, then thats cool.
The whole thing just nauseates me, if I'm going to be honest. I know, it's the same old stuff we all have to go through. It's just so hard to wrap my head around... especially bc they are all so phony- just like the lives they lead. Which I'm unphased by at this point, but throwing d15 into the mix... parading her around in this charade is just annoying, to say the least.
OK, I think I've gotten it out. Sometimes I just need a safe place to vent still. I will be fine in like 10 minutes, I'm sure.
And MLC still ALIVE and WELL! Xh rolled up in a shiny new Camaro the other day.
Came to take d15 to breakfast. They spent 45 minutes together. I think its been a total of 2 hours in the past 4 months. Anyway, it was clear he was looking for a reason for a joy ride! Maybe show it off? I laughed. He looks pathetic.