It's been so long since I posted here and yet this thread is like a familiar walk down memory lane. J3B was a giant among men, he gave more to these boards than anyone else I can think of. We shared many mutual friends off line but never struck up our own friendship, and I suppose I thought he didn't like me lol. The truth is that he intimidated me with his honesty in those days before I was living a truly authentic version of me. His no bullsh!t approach was all about respecting and caring so much about people that he gave them what they needed even if they didn't want it. He, along with many others, with his advice and challenges to do more, be more, be better made me the woman I am today.
I'm a better person for having crossed paths with J3B and those that he affected so deeply. RIP Jeff <3
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
What a sad day this has been! I am so thankful for the opportunity of getting to know Jeff through the boards and so blessed to have gotten to meet him in person just a month ago!! What a great guy! He will be truly missed. My thoughts and prayers are with his family.
I had the privilege to meet this great man not long ago. A man who gave of himself so much and so often. A man with a heart of gold. It's with a heavy heart, I say farewell Jeff. I am saddened by the news for your family and for those who's lives you've touched. You will be missed. I know your time in the CG was a great time for you. One you (and many others) were proud of.
So sailor, with deep respect and sadness:
May the horizon always rise in front of you. And may the wind be eternally at your back. 'till we meet again...
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
As a moderator when JTB became a prolific and wise poster, and a mischievous poster. It turned out, he was very wise. And very well liked. A people magnet.
So I wanted him to moderate and asked Michele and Virginia and asked him. He was really reluctant. Jeff eventually agreed. His style was much better, and he made me want to be better.
Jeff can build community. It's evidenced by so many conversations on this board. It's evidenced in the connections he grew and maintained outside the board. He encouraged us to be better at our relationships and make it clear it's not for sissies.
And so a group of friends here were able to get together and surprise Jeff. They had the awesome privilege of making what would turn out to be a last great adventure one filled with love of friends and family.
Jeff is definitely humble. And kind. And hilarious. And loving. And has to be the most patient, because he was surely given enough to be patient about.
Jeff brings out the best in us. We are so much better for having him touch our lives. We will never be the same.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
I was not expecting a text at 6:30am this morning, so when I was having my coffee and I looked at my phone and saw that it was Eric texting me, I knew something was wrong. I knew J3B was not doing well because Eric had invited me to come to the beach just weeks earlier to spend time with the people that helped me through the most difficult part of my life. …. one of those people that was going to be there was Jeff, while I had never met him in person he had a profound impact on me during my “journey”.
It has been several years since I have posted on these boards that I attribute to saving my life…… literally. So, when Eric told me this morning that J3B had died earlier this morning in the middle of the night it took some time for it to sink in…..in fact it has taken most of the day and going back and rereading some of my threads. (can’t believe I remembered my login) It has taken me most of the day to recall the feelings of despair, pain and hopelessness that I was experiencing 5 years ago. By some stroke of luck or divine intervention I found this place and scoured these threads for someone that had saved their marriage and navigated their way through their spouse’s Mid Life Crisis. That person was J3B. He was a couple of years ahead of me so his situation felt a little more relevant and he was still active on these boards, so when he started posting on my threads it felt like a shaft of light had come down from heaven and was giving me hope that my marriage would be miraculously saved, just like J3B.
I was right about one thing, and that was the miraculous shaft of light from heaven that had come down upon me but not to save my marriage but rather to save ME. J3B, among many others would teach me that you save yourself first and maybe your marriage would be saved as a byproduct of saving yourself. Jeff offered so much of himself to me and to many others here, delivering the words of wisdom, whacks of lumber to the forehead and wit and sarcasm to lighten the trip through hell that we ALL must traverse.
I regret never meeting this man in person but I feel I know him vicariously through the others here that I have had the opportunity call my friends to this day. My heart aches for his wife and children as I know there will be a huge hole in their lives where he once stood.
I know Jeff was not one for praise and adulation, he expressed to me many times that while his marriage was saved he will take only take credit for finding himself again and that while surviving his wife’s MLC it was truly saving himself and finding happiness on his own that was his true accomplishment.
Jeff, you are truly one of kind, a special soul that we have all been blessed with having been touched by your spirit, may God grant you the eternal peace, joy and happiness that you so richly deserve. You will be missed.
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Oh boy...here goes. When I came here 9 years ago, Jeff was already a legend. (and yea, yea, Jeff, I know you would hate that term). After awhile here, I began to wonder why he never posted to me. I would sign on and wish that today would be the day he would.
One day, I came on and saw that he finally did. Oh man, was I nervous...and excited. J3B had actually posted to me.
I should preface this by saying that when I first came to the forum, my name was Dippy. It referenced what I was called when I was a kid, and it had to do with my last name.
Jeff didnt know that. He didnt like the name. So, I sat back, ready to take in what he wrote to me. It was one short sentence. "Change your name, you are anything but Dippy. You are doing great." You can bet I changed my name. LOL!
He couldnt know how much his stopping by meant to me..at a time when I was as low as you could get. His simple words held such meaning. And that was him...a few short words to get a whole lot of meaning across.
I had to great pleasure of meeting him a few weeks ago. I was again nervous...this was J3B after all. I was ready to tell him what an honor it was and before I could, he said to me.."It's a great honor to meet you, D." I am so grateful I was able to tell him what his words had meant to me all those years ago and what his words to others meant. I would devour his stuff. We would have such fun on our crazy threads...our special group.
His value to this place is immeasurable. His value to the world is, too. He was a kind, warm, amazing man, with an irreverent sense of humor. Larger than life with an infectious smile. He accepted what life threw at him with grace and courage.
Jeff, because you meant so much to my brothers and sisters from here, you meant a great deal to me. You are one of a kind and will be greatly missed. Thank you for all you have done. Our loss is Heaven's gain.
It is so sad to know that Jack3B/Jeff is no longer with us. I don’t remember if he ever posted on my thread. Maybe just a couple of times. But, his posts on other’s threads gave me so much to think about and helped me a great deal in the last 4 years. Yes, sometimes his comments were not easy to “hear”… But, he definitely helped a lot of people here to get through the tough times, whether he posted to them or not.
Thank you Jack/Jeff for sharing your wisdom and love. We will miss you.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
I'm sitting here just astounded by the impact that J3B has had on so many people.... Strangers no less. This is why the human experience is so incredible and clearly Mr. Beans is one of the great ones.
Like many, I sought out J3Bs threads and posts here during my fairly short tenure thus far on the boards. Yes, he was truly a legend. Brilliant. For us "newer" posters, I think we all felt a sense of honor when he came out of retirement and started posting again. Right off the bat, he was throwing out pearls of wisdom and smacks of reality and I personally couldn't get enough.
My jaw dropped when he posted on my thread. I couldn't believe it. It was like having lunch with a celebrity you've always admired. Just wow. It's humbling to think how one person can positively influence hundreds of others during the most difficult times of their lives.
I'm going to echo what many have said and say that my life is better for having "known" and "learned from" Jeff and I wish nothing but eternal peace for him. He was called home far too soon. I pray for his family and friends during this difficult time and also pray that they smile knowing that their dear Jeff was an everyday hero.
We'll miss you.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
I am shocked and deeply saddened to read of J3B/Jeff's passing. What a great disturbance in The Force! He was one of the vets whom I too, always read. As others have posted, his ability to cut directly to the chase succinctly was a true gift. I'm just .. no words here ... wishing love and peace to Jeff, his family and friends and of course everyone he touched here as well.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
I've been on these boards for some time, ex never in a MLC, but I often followed people over there from newcomers. I read lots of Jeff's advice and it was always thought provoking and really challenged the poster. That's the way I knew it on these boards back in the day.
In the recent years I became IRL friends with some posters from the MLC board who I truly consider family. They are also great friends of Jeff, whom I never met, we may have cross-posted to someone, we weren't even FB friends, but just through these people I knew what an exemplary man he was, how he changed the lives of these friends who I call family. I couldn't wait to meet the guy one day. I almost had the chance on his recent vacation, but unfortunately couldn't make it.
If I never known him from the boards and only my friends, I would still know what kind of guy he was.