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A Message from Michele
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Re: A few things you should know as the LBS [Re: btrfly3] #2701727
09/03/16 04:55 AM
09/03/16 04:55 AM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 461
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Esame Offline
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Esame  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 461
Thank you for this J3B, it's brilliant. I'm going to read it as often as I can.

Cadet thank you for the lighthouse story smile


"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask "What if I fall?"
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?”

-Erin Hanson





Re: A few things you should know as the LBS [Re: Jack_Three_Beans] #2701739
09/03/16 07:01 AM
09/03/16 07:01 AM
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 59
UK - London
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HTM Offline
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HTM  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 59
UK - London
A very inspiring post Jack_Three_Beans, and one I believe I'll be coming back to again & again.

All of the things you mention I have wrestled with over the last 7-8mnths and I'm sure I'll continue to do so for some time.

The point you make about how this may affect my children's future relationships & breaking a cycle, also weigh on me. I believe my W is following a path laid down by her father who had at least two As while she still lived at home as a young teen. There is the leading by example too, showing my two Ss how to deal with life's more difficult times; hope I'm up to the task.

I struggle with comparing myself to OM a lot, though I am working to break this unhealthy thinking. Although I don't know this person, I take some solace in that he chose to involve himself with a married woman, taking advantage of my W at a vulnerable time, which IMO exhibits a lack of integrity and true regard for others. Even my IC has pointed out that the OP is not better just different, that's all.

I know I have a lot more work to do on me but posts such as this give me strength, and true hope rather than any offered by my W at present.


Me 50, ExW 49
T21, M13+
S15, S13
BD #1: 25-Jan-2016 (EA confirmed & ILYBINILWY)
Sept-2016 Mediated Sep. starts
Oct-2016 W petitions for D
Jan-2017 R w OM admitted/confirmed
Jun-2018 D'd
Re: A few things you should know as the LBS [Re: HTM] #2701905
09/04/16 11:54 AM
09/04/16 11:54 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 10,805
sgctxok Offline
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sgctxok  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 10,805
Ditto to all these things. It's not just for MLC, everything you said is just general good advice for this board.

Thanks for this, JTB! You might not post often, but when you do, it's quote-worthy!

Last edited by sgctxok; 09/04/16 11:55 AM.

sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
Re: A few things you should know as the LBS [Re: sgctxok] #2701926
09/04/16 01:11 PM
09/04/16 01:11 PM
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 97
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Bee29 Offline
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Bee29  Offline
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Joined: May 2016
Posts: 97
Thank you Jack! I'd love to print this out & stick it to my fridge so I could read it every time I feel down. Unfortunately it's not an option since my h comes to the house...


M: 41
H: 50
2S: 13 & 15
H moved out Feb 2016
Re: A few things you should know as the LBS [Re: Bee29] #2703301
09/10/16 10:50 AM
09/10/16 10:50 AM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 168
Chicago
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Brubeck Offline
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Brubeck  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 168
Chicago
Thank you once again for your wisdom, J3B. I need to hear every word of this. I save DB posts like this onto my Google drive and read them on tough days. Bless you.


M: 46, W: 42
T: 22 M: 15
S11, S8, S6
BD: Jan '16
W files: Oct '16
D final: June '18
She's still spinning...
Re: A few things you should know as the LBS [Re: Jack_Three_Beans] #2705075
09/18/16 12:57 PM
09/18/16 12:57 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,900
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline
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Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,900
Massachusetts
thanks Jack. Just re-read this. Much needed, and much appreciated. xo


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16
When God gives you a new beginning don't repeat the same old mistakes. It's 2020, anything could happen; eat dessert first!!!!
Re: A few things you should know as the LBS [Re: HTM] #2705100
09/18/16 02:37 PM
09/18/16 02:37 PM
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 14
TX
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Legolas Offline
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Legolas  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 14
TX
That was a helpful post. Similar situation to mine. Thank you!


Me: 49 She: 44
Married: 23 years
No Children
Separated: 4 months

Re: A few things you should know as the LBS [Re: Jack_Three_Beans] #2705102
09/18/16 02:43 PM
09/18/16 02:43 PM
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 14
TX
L
Legolas Offline
New Member
Legolas  Offline
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L
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 14
TX
Thanks, Jack. Very very helpful! Love the CS Lewis quote too.


Me: 49 She: 44
Married: 23 years
No Children
Separated: 4 months

Re: A few things you should know as the LBS [Re: Legolas] #2705122
09/18/16 05:10 PM
09/18/16 05:10 PM
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 14
TX
L
Legolas Offline
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Legolas  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 14
TX
Hi everyone - thanks for those who replied. How do I get my S to see the positive changes I am making while still "going dark"? We are 600 miles apart and don't even talk much.


Me: 49 She: 44
Married: 23 years
No Children
Separated: 4 months

Re: A few things you should know as the LBS [Re: Legolas] #2705191
09/19/16 05:57 AM
09/19/16 05:57 AM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,701
Southern Maryland
job Offline

Member
job  Offline

Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,701
Southern Maryland
Legolas,

Welcome to the land of MLC! I see you are a newbie and are posting over on Newcomers. Why not start a thread here in MLC? That way people will begin posting to you and then you'll have a thread to refer back to as you travel your Life's path?


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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