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A Message from Michele
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Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: Vanilla] #2737704
04/05/17 08:16 PM
04/05/17 08:16 PM
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 555
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TenBook Offline
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TenBook  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2014
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Hey Fogg. just saying hi.

Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: Fogg] #2737705
04/05/17 08:37 PM
04/05/17 08:37 PM
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,854
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JujuB Offline
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(((Fogg)))

I always say this... It must have something to do with the alignment of the planets because it seems a lot of us are pretty down lately. I know i have been as well. Or perhaps you're right, and us notherners just need some vitamin d.

This is all temporary though. We have felt better in the past and we will feel better in the future.

I am sorry about your struggles with weight. I know how hard you try. And the only advice I can give is to just not give up or give in and to forgive yourself when you do make a mistake. Maybe take Sunday by day and be kind to yourself? I imagine food must be a difficult addiction to break because it's not as if we can just go cold turkey with it (no pun intended) but you really don't have to be perfect or to have a specific body type to date. You want someone to like you for who you are. Try not to go There!

Regarding women and dating, I think it is scary. But at least you got out there and tried. I wouldn't let one very weird experience deter you, unless your just not ready for it yet. I'm nervous to seek out dating and just take a passive approach. My friends are encouraging me to join a dating site which would probably increase my odds of meeting someone, but I'm not really wanting to use my time that way right now.

Maybe just signing up for things that you are Interested in (like the volunteer trip) will help you to network and meet someone that is on you're wave length without those weird dating expectations?

Well, I think my response might have been a bit awkward as well but I'm willing to blame it on lack of sunlight.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: Fogg] #2737730
04/06/17 04:57 AM
04/06/17 04:57 AM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,952
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doodler Offline
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Fogg,

Hi, my name is doodler and I have a hummus addiction. I particularly love the olive tapenade hummus. I can't seem to stop the binge-fart cycle.

Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: doodler] #2737744
04/06/17 05:51 AM
04/06/17 05:51 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,283
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Ginger1 Online
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Fogg,

Hi friend! I'm glad you stopped by to update. I was thinking of you the other day.

On the dating. It's tough. I hate dating. Especially when dealing with certain situations such as your insecure clinger. You handled it very well. I know those situations make you not want to dive into it again. When the time is right, you will.

I've been dating a guy for 2 months I met at my gym. He's pretty wonderful. Our connection was completely unexpected. I realize that is the best way for someone like me to meet someone. I m the type who has to establish a connection before dating. He is adorable and he has weight insecurities (as do I). I see him as nothing but attractive, inside and out. We are both food and drink lovers and we are working on how to balance it together.

I admire you recognizing your issues around food and doing something about it. I grew up where my mom fed me love. Love meant going for ice cream or having cake and the such. it's hard to change those thought patterns. I also am just a foodie, so I try to cook as much as I can in a healthy way. You will tackle this and lessen your insecutities, I know it.

As far as being overwhelmed,doing everything alone. I sure do understand that. I have similar commitments. More nights, but one less kid, lol. School, work, gym, GAL, BF, friends, and just taking care of the home. it's hard, lots of stuff gets undone often and I just prioritize. I hired a cleaning service for once a month. I leave dirty dishes in the sink. I feel my child frozen chicken nuggets when I don't have enough energy and time. Doing it all and all alone is hard, no doubt. Take the help where you get it, and go easy on yourself when stuff doesn't get done.

And the Haiti trip?! What an awesome experience. I cannot wait to hear al about it.

hang in there, you are doing great!

Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: doodler] #2738122
04/08/17 10:16 AM
04/08/17 10:16 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
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Vanilla Offline
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Vanilla  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2014
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Originally Posted By: doodler
Fogg,

Hi, my name is doodler and I have a hummus addiction. I particularly love the olive tapenade hummus. I can't seem to stop the binge-fart cycle.



You burn it off skinny dipping though

Cold water burns calories

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: Vanilla] #2738708
04/12/17 08:21 PM
04/12/17 08:21 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,886
Right where I need to be
F
Fogg Offline OP
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Fogg  Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2015
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Right where I need to be
TB, good to see you. Hope everything is going well for you. Post another update when you can. I'm interested to see how life is going for you.

JujuB, thanks. I think the sun coming out has helped some, I don't seem so down now. I started working things out with this food addiction a little bit, so maybe a combination of both.

I do try to forgive myself and work on being kind. Ill continue to do so. As for the body type that is something I've always struggled with and I see the ties to dating still. I know I don't need the perfect body shape to date and there are so many other important things to consider, but it bothers me greatly. I dislike certain aspects and feel like the best way to improve them is to get to a certain body fat %. Its something I need to keep being kind to myself with. Dating is something strange to me still. Maybe its just like you say and me getting involved will lead me to someone closer to my wavelength.

I still peak in to a few peoples threads once in a while even if I don't post often. You, Ginger, Zues, CaliGuy being the main ones. I don't know the people in newcomers anymore and not a place I really want to be around at this time so I stay away from there. There was nothing awkward about your response either, I enjoy reading your thoughts, keep 'em coming smile

Ginger, hi there smile. I've been reading about the new guy, I'm really happy for you! I hope it continues into more, its been a long time since BD for you so its good to see you finding a good guy and things working out. Your thread has always jumped out at me because I could relate to the things that happened to you, that I knew would happen to me later down the road.

I read that Chuck E Cheese story and it stuck in my head. I just had a gut feeling I would have a similiar experience, which I did. I also have a gut feeling its going to be a long time before I get into a R that works out and is what I want it to be. BUT, I see you doing it now with hope and it shows me I'll be able to handle it even if mine is 7 years away. Regardless, I have what I need to live now and a R isn't something I need(not sure I even want)....parts of it just might be nice to have.

I do get overwhelmed, its hard not to get stressed out and drop the ball on things when I have so much on my plate. Plus, so many things I feel like I should be doing and I just cant balance them in time wise yet. I know, go easy on myself. I keep working at it For the most part I do.


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: Fogg] #2756194
08/11/17 11:39 PM
08/11/17 11:39 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,886
Right where I need to be
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Fogg Offline OP
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Fogg  Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2015
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Right where I need to be
Another several month update/journaling. So 1 year ago yesterday I was divorced. I only realized a few days ago the date and how fast the last year has passed. I was talking with a friend about it and it made me realize just how different things have been over the last several months in how I see, or don't see the ex. When we do interact on kid stuff I don't really feel anything towards her. No anger or bitterness just indifference. I was trying to explain it to the friend and couldn't get the words right. The best way I could describe it is she seems to be just another random person I interact with on a daily basis now. Not like someone you would think I shared a large part of my life with but more like the cashier at a local grocery store who I might say hi to and that's about it. I also noticed things I mostly ignore that I would have been very interesting in a year ago. D6 told me her and the new BF have been fighting alot. She even said "mommy said maybe me and her and S4 will move into a new house and om2 + his two kids will stay in this house". In the past hearing something like that would have gotten me spinning like crazy but not now. Its just different now, shes not really anyone when I think or look at her.

Enough of that, just making the point you can see the shifts looking back on things. Time really is a major component in healing from this. You'll have other things to deal with personally as you move forward, for sure, but life gets so much better if you allow it instead of sitting in misery over something you had little to no control over.

As for everything else, I cant complain. I see how blessed I am with what I have. I have my kids, I have my health, I have a good paying job, I have my faith. My eating and weight isn't where I would like it but those are things to work on over a lifetime. Japan trip was awesome, climbed part of Mt. Fuji and went swimming in Waikiki for a few hours on the layover home. I went with 3 other guys and we tried to bullet climb Fuji in 1 day (a mistake). Only 1 guy made it to the top and hes this young fit guy whos super into cross fit. I started getting these intense cramps and leg felt like it would give out near the knee so I called it and said I was done. The other guy I was walking with called it also. He wouldn't have made it to the top in time to get back for the last bus. The views to where we did get were amazing even with the rain and cloud cover. Looking out gives you this strange perspective, as if part of the ground and horizon were at an angle. Almost like something from Inception.

Next weekend I go to see the solar eclipse down south, should be awesome. October is my Haiti trip which I'm excited about also. I have so many other little things I want to do. I think ill start doing them instead of just thinking about them. Niagara falls, northern lights, kayak a luminescent bay at night. My bucket needs more checking off in the little free time I have available

Hope everyone else is doing well! Sorry I don't post much, I want to keep up with several of you and I just don't check this site much anymore.


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: Fogg] #2756245
08/12/17 03:04 PM
08/12/17 03:04 PM
Joined: Feb 2016
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JujuB Offline
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Its crazy how the people we once devoted our lives to, become strangers. It makes me sad that a spouse is not like ones child or sibling. Sometimes I still love my ex and feel bad for him. Other times I really despise him. But i have absolutely no attraction for him.

You have an awesome bucket list! ( We should arrange meet ups based on travel bucket list adventures! Divorce Busters Travel Meet Ups? Maybe a new forum idea?) You have also had some really wonderful sounding adventures.

I also love hearing about your ex's new relationship difficulties, but its better for you that you really don't care one way or the other...

Detachment does come with time and acceptance. But I'm wondering if its more then that. Perhaps its our own fogs lifting, when we realize that these people that left us were not worth having to begin with.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: JujuB] #2756259
08/12/17 07:27 PM
08/12/17 07:27 PM
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 582
UK
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Treasur Offline
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Joined: Jun 2016
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Fogg, I have only recently read your threads, but I have to tell you that you are an extraordinary man. Please don't let your scars stop you connecting with another partner in the future because you are definitely a man to be treasured.


Me: 53 H:38
T:20 M:14
BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression
S 1/16
PA 4/16
H filed 1/17

Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: Treasur] #2756453
08/14/17 02:24 PM
08/14/17 02:24 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,283
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Ginger1 Online
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Wow! You have been on some seriously memorable adventures! Keep doing it! Take advantage of everything life has to offer you.

My daughter has been asking to go to Niagra for some time now. I have never been myself and I hope to take her soon. It would make an awesome DB meet up! Hint Hint! Kayaking is on my list, and next summer, I am going to try not to injure myself and I am going to finally do it.

I'm going to give you some advice of which I should take too regarding eating and weight. I love food, it's no lie. I am not at the weight I want to be and I have been derailed by injury. But look at how healthy you are! Serious hikes and outdoor activities are a big deal. You are fueling your body and mind and that is wonderful and healthy. That's what is important. try to keep your focus there as much as you can.

Treasur is right on the money. You are a man to be treasured, and don't you forget it. I know you will be treasured just as you deserve to be one day. I sure know your kids treasure you.

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