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A Message from Michele
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Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: Vanilla] #2723215
12/29/16 06:41 AM
12/29/16 06:41 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,283
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Ginger1 Online
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Fogg!

What a post there. And yes it was me who told the Chuck E. Cheese story. I could write every feeling you have experienced regarding the OP and your kids. And let me tell you, my friend, you came much farther in a shorter period of time than I ever did.

When I finally got through the anger and the unfairness of the whole thing, I was able to look at this from a different point of view. The fact that your S did want to go with OM, is, dare I say, a positive thing. There are many who's next partner doesn't treat the kids well. He must be treating the kids well. And since we can't change the situation, that is the best we can hope for. May certain things still rip our hearts out, we know where the focus and the most important thing is. Our children.

And although you already know this, and many have told you, in the brief time I met you, I was able to really get a sense of what an excellent loving father you are. And how those kids ADORE you. You are most definitely their safe place.

AND.... Nice to hear you are out there dating. I'm going to make you blush and tell you whatever lady snags you is lucky as hell. For many reasons.

Congrats on the weight loss. I am currently on my journey and it feels so good. I feel healthy and ready to take on new experiences. Me and the girls from the gym are planning our 5K's and mud runs and all that fun stuff that comes with being healthy and in shape! The sky's the limit for you. Literally! I have been skydiving. I won't tell you my story though. I will never bungee jump or BASE jump, but I say go for it! I believe you should also travel more, particularly the east coast, hahaha! Maybe the NYC marathon? professionally, your life also sounds like it couldn't be better.

Love reading your update. Say hi to those adorable kids for me.

Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: Ginger1] #2726706
01/22/17 09:49 AM
01/22/17 09:49 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,886
Right where I need to be
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Fogg Offline OP
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Fogg  Offline OP
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Right where I need to be
Thanks Ginger, I did blush, lol. Its nice to hear the comments. Congrats on your weight loss journey also, its great when you begin to see the results.

I can see dating is going to have its struggles already, it has a way of dragging up emotions. Think I'm handling it pretty well considering its all very new to me. I had coffee with the one girl on new years eve. It seemed to go great, we talked for 2 hours straight and it didn't feel forced at all. At the end she said she liked the conversation and wanted to see me again. I kept looking for red flags with her and none came up. So maybe 4 days later we had dinner and it went great again. More than 3 hours of nice talking and we lost track of time. At the end there was a hug and she asked if she could kiss my cheek and it ended up being a quick kiss on the lips, it happened very fast and I wasn't sure who did what.


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: Fogg] #2726707
01/22/17 09:57 AM
01/22/17 09:57 AM
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Posts: 1,886
Right where I need to be
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Fogg Offline OP
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Fogg  Offline OP
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Right where I need to be
to finish since my computer posted that for some reason....

We didn't text a bunch, I avoided long conversations in text because I wanted to get to knew her in person. It felt better that way and she seemed to be doing the same. Both of us seemed to be excited to see each other again but schedules didn't line up because of weather and kids. We still did a text or two each day saying good morning and asking about the day or just saying have a good day and we did end up playing around with snapchat a bunch also sending pics. She initiated both more than I did so again, seemed to be good signs. About a week ago I texted good morning, she replied the same in the happy flirty way. Then I asked about a good time to see her again and she never replied. No contact at all since then, ghosted.

It confuses me and hurts a little, even with just 2 dates and a month of chatting. I liked her and wanted to her to know her more. I just don't understand it really but I let it go. I'm not going to text her again, I'm sure she seen it and for whatever reason decided not to reply so I just accepted she didn't want to see me again.


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: Fogg] #2726786
01/23/17 06:37 AM
01/23/17 06:37 AM
Joined: Mar 2015
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Dawgs Offline
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Quote:
Whats so crazy about skydiving? We're all going to plan a big DB skydiving trip. You'll love it! lol


Love skydiving. Just how are you going to get up a DB skydiving trip when its forbidden to contact on here?


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: Dawgs] #2726817
01/23/17 10:17 AM
01/23/17 10:17 AM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,661
Southern Maryland
job Offline

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Jeep,

There are quite a few of the posters that have connected on Facebook.

Also, if you can think outside the box, another easy way is to post about a proposed trip and if people are interested, they can post a yes or no and then a specific location can be named as to where the meet up will take place. When this type of situation takes place, people always give a hint as to what they will be wearing, etc. to help others.

Just a couple of suggestions.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: job] #2726828
01/23/17 10:54 AM
01/23/17 10:54 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,886
Right where I need to be
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Fogg Offline OP
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As Job said...

And Jeep, I would say its not really forbidden but some people should definitely avoid it.... Unfortunately there are too many people out there that use their pain as an excuse to act like a fool. I see the forums perspective on why certain people shouldn't reach out to others.

Ginger, ill be on east coast sometime in March, the same place I was last year wink


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: job] #2726832
01/23/17 11:01 AM
01/23/17 11:01 AM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,952
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doodler Offline
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Originally Posted By: job
...people always give a hint as to what they will be wearing, etc. to help others.


And thus, the skinny dipping conundrum.

Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: Vanilla] #2726848
01/23/17 12:01 PM
01/23/17 12:01 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
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Fogg,

I am just catching up and oh wow! Congratulations on the weight loss. That is phenomenal:)

I know some of those interactions with the ex must be painful. I always try to remind myself that people do what they do. It's on me as to how I handle and respond.

In regards to the ghosting, I'm sorry. I readily admit my ego can be as fragile as a house of cards..in hurricane force winds! However, it's important to know that MANY times the way people behave has exactly zero to do with you. I know it can still sting but it does not mean you aren't a wonderful guy who happens to be an awesome dad. I'm with Ginger.

Hang in there!


Me-42 xh-41
3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: Georgiabelle] #2737667
04/05/17 04:08 PM
04/05/17 04:08 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,886
Right where I need to be
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Fogg Offline OP
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Right where I need to be
Thanks Georgiabelle. I end up stopping by here every few months it seems for an update. More so just to journal I guess. I chatted with a few other girls since the first who ghosted me. Both were moving things too quickly in texting, one more than the other. I ended the chats with the one and gave the second a chance. We went out twice and she was nice but I wasn't feeling much. She had the same insecurities about not being good enough as I had just a year ago. She started moving things too quickly also and I it instantly made me back off. I texted her after the second date and told her up front I wasn't feeling a connection to go out again.

She responded in an insecure way but seemed to accept it and basically move on.......at first. Boy oh boy did she lose it after that. Started talking about how amazing our conversations was and I understood her so well. She got really clingy and needy, asking what was wrong with her and begging me to tell her. It was so awkward. I had to stop responding to her after the initial first couple where I was upfront with her. A month later she apologized in another text but then followed up with "but Ill be honest, id kill for another chance. The conversations really were amazing". I'm no longer looking to date, lol. I got a couple tastes of it and didn't care for either.

Ex feels like a ticking time bomb and I'm just hoping her and the BF stay together. They moved into a house together and I knew she quit her second job. I had thought she took a higher position in her first. I recently found out I was wrong. Shes only been working 16-20 hours a week at basically minimum wage. I cant imagine the BF is making that great of money as a HS dropout either. He was working on his GED, maybe he has that now. Anyway, if something happens between then shes stuck with a house she cant afford and things would be more difficult for me also. It would be best for everyone if they stayed together.

Lately I've been struggling with a few things pretty badly and I think they're related. I frequently feel overwhelmed doing all of this alone. Don't get me know, I really do not want to be in a relationship now. I think I might be bitter towards them now and would rather just stay away completely. But I look at everything in my life and its a struggle at times. I work full time and have outside responsibilities, I'm going to school part time and have my kids 4 nights a week. When you add in all the things I'm trying to accomplish for my own health like the gym, reading, social life, graduate student association....the extra things like chores, cooking, cleaning get to be so much and I feel like I'm barely holding onto most of them. Ill split up this post now, the stuff that's really bothering me will be a few paragraphs I think.


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Re: If I knew where I was going I'd lose my way [Re: Fogg] #2737672
04/05/17 04:30 PM
04/05/17 04:30 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,886
Right where I need to be
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Fogg Offline OP
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Right where I need to be
So recently I've done some research and reading on my eating habits and how I relate to food. Even through I've lost a good amount of weight I still use food in negative ways. I cant get to the healthy, sensible eating place most people can. I compensate with exercise and crash diets. So I found these recovery groups that deal with food addiction and looked more into it. There was list of indications you may have a food addiction, it was maybe 20 questions. Some of them were pretty intense things such as binging on food, forcing yourself to vomit, removing food after throwing it out. I went through this list of 20 items and I had done every single one of them. I am a food addict. They see it as a disease and part me of sees it also now. I've been to two different group meeting that both base their recovery exactly as AA would. Its a 12 step program and community that helps each other. I have no doubt I belong in one of them, I'm 100% sure of that now after reading and hearing some of the other peoples stories. I also know exactly where ill be in a few years if I don't do this. However, since I found out food addiction groups were a thing though my eating habits have got severely out of control.

I'm just rambling now but anyway. The last few weeks I've had some ups and downs. Its not the same as it was even a year ago. I rarely cry but I definitely feel strong depression. I'm more cold and guarded to everything if I had to describe it. Relationships don't scare me anymore, they just don't interest me the way they did in the past one way or another. I have no desire to be in one and would prefer to be single. Even the interest in sex is a fraction of what it was before. Its been 2.5 years, I've lived this long without it, I don't need it. My self body image has some to do with that still. I feel like I have to hit a specific body shape.

I do have some long term plans creeping up that excite me but I see the long road ahead also and it will be challenging. Career wise I see a path toward where I want to go. Its nothing I ever really expected but I've started the path some.

OH, I'm going to Haiti in October with an organization that builds crude rain catching systems for poorer families. I had to pay my own way but it feels important that I go, so I am. See, its weird. I have happiness about some things but then overall I feel gloomy also. Maybe this [censored] sun just needs to come out already and Spring show up. I'm so tired of the dark grey sky. I want to see some nature and enjoy the nice weather. Maybe this past weekend being my old anniversary (would have been 12 years) is messing me up much more than I realize. Lol, this awkward and random post. Enjoy everyone


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
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