- GAL is important. But not only getting a life...meeting new people is so critical. These people will know you as "you" and not as your WS' STBX. This gives you no reason to discuss your situation with them or dwell on it. It gets you out of the house and engaged in something new.
- PMA is also important. Choose your own happiness. The more you act happy, the more you will be happy. If you havent, watch the TED Talk by Shawn Achor on the Happiness Advantage. Your life is so much more than your WS; find the things that bring you joy.
- Learn to validate. Learn to communicate. It isnt about being right; it's about finding that common ground to work together. Listen and understand people; be engaged. It's OK to disagree, but HOW you disagree will play a huge impact in the direction your conversation goes.
- Goal setting is one of the first steps for a reason. It sounds dumb and its a lot of work, but the activity really is paramount. How can you steer a ship if you dont know where you are going? Nobody sets out in a car and says "hmm, I think I'll go left here" - you cant get where youre going unless you know where you want to go.
- The success or failure of your marriage doesnt define you. You define you. Who you are, who you want to be. You are so much more than just your marriage; a parent, a friend, a colleague, a sibling, and so on. Dont let your failings define you. Learn from them and keep moving forward.
- Think long and hard before outing A... In my case, I immediately posted text messages between OM and WW on my and WW Facebook pages. I was angry and wanted revenge. It took me about 3 minutes to realize that it was a bad idea and told my WW so she could delete the post. Had I not done that, I truly believe my current reconciliation would not be happening. If you want to out the AP to their spouse, is that gonna free up both AP's to be with each other? I only told one person, and that was only so that I had someone to talk to, which I needed. But I assured their secrecy before telling.
Stand your ground with boundaries - Letting WS knowing what is and what is not ok with you is critical. My sitch turned the corner when I clearly stated what I was not ok with and what the consequences would be, it was the first time that my WW reacted to anything I said.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
- GAL is important. But not only getting a life...meeting new people is so critical. These people will know you as "you" and not as your WS' STBX. This gives you no reason to discuss your situation with them or dwell on it. It gets you out of the house and engaged in something new.
- PMA is also important. Choose your own happiness. The more you act happy, the more you will be happy. If you havent, watch the TED Talk by Shawn Achor on the Happiness Advantage. Your life is so much more than your WS; find the things that bring you joy.
- Learn to validate. Learn to communicate. It isnt about being right; it's about finding that common ground to work together. Listen and understand people; be engaged. It's OK to disagree, but HOW you disagree will play a huge impact in the direction your conversation goes.
- Goal setting is one of the first steps for a reason. It sounds dumb and its a lot of work, but the activity really is paramount. How can you steer a ship if you dont know where you are going? Nobody sets out in a car and says "hmm, I think I'll go left here" - you cant get where youre going unless you know where you want to go.
- The success or failure of your marriage doesnt define you. You define you. Who you are, who you want to be. You are so much more than just your marriage; a parent, a friend, a colleague, a sibling, and so on. Dont let your failings define you. Learn from them and keep moving forward.
Feel free to add more.
Yes!
1 and 2 were so important for me. Going to that yoga class where I knew no one literally changed my life. It was crucial.
For PMA... when people ask how I am.. I say 'couldn't be better'. Took a while to get that down but really does effect my overall mood.
Working on 3 now. I think this one will determine how my relationship with WW plays out.
hahaha... you know I read that 8 times and I was like damn.. that sounds really familiar.. then I googled it and was hoping i would get back here before you responded... hahaha
